Pondorous Points

[Oz]

(maybe some reposts)

1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and
say, "I think I'll
squeeze
these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes
out?"


2. Who was the first one who thought that the white
thing that came
from
a
hen's butt looked edible?


3. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns
the toast to a
horrible
crisp which no decent human being would eat?


4. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in
the freezer?


5. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the
carpool lane?


6. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a
radio out of
coconut,
why can't he fix a hole in a boat?


7. Why do people point to their wrist when asking
for the time, but
don't
point to their crotch when they ask where the
bathroom is?


8. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get
undressed if
>they
are
going to look up there anyway?


9. Why does goofy stand erect while Pluto remains
on all fours?
They're
both
dogs!


10. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all
that Acme crap,
>why
didn't
he just buy dinner


11. Why is a person that handles your money called
a Broker?


12. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?


13. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable
oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?


14. If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman
is there to hear
him, is
he still wrong?


15. Did you know that the Alphabet song and
Twinkle, Twinkle Little
Star


have the same tune?


16. (Are you singing them both to really find out?)


17. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a
dog's face, he gets
mad
at
you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks
his head out the
window.


18. Why is it that when someone tells you that
there are over a
billion
stars in the universe, you believe them, but if
they tell you there
is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

[ac427cpe]

hahahaAHAHAHAhahaAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA *breath* HAHAHAhahahahAahahahahaahahahahahahahaahahahaHAAHA HAHAHahahahahaahhahahaahahahaaAHAAahahahaAh!!!!

[90EX]

My favorite is 14

[taranaki]

Originally posted by Oz
(maybe some reposts)




8. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get
undressed if
>they
are
going to look up there anyway?

Iam very disturbed that you think of these things,Oz.Are you speaking from personal experience?:finger:

[SiRI]

Originally posted by Oz
(maybe some reposts)
3. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns
the toast to a
horrible
crisp which no decent human being would eat?


4. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in
the freezer?

My uncle likes burnt crisp toast, and theres no light in the freezer because it would make the bulb brittle and would most likely break






:finger:

[v10_viper]

ROFLMAO, hehe that's so great!

Answer to #16....Yes

[YogsVR4]

Those are pretty funny - just have bad spacing

[2strokebloke]

My freezer has a light in it.
#1 I think is a question that was asked by Calvin to Hobbes, in one of those comics.

[bowtiebandit]

A quarter has 119 grooves around the edge. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

No words in the English language rhyme with orange, silver purple or month.

It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

"Evian" spelled backwards is naive.

The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called agiets.

"Bookkeeper" and "bookkeeping" are the only words in the English language with three consecutive double letters.

The A&W of root beer fame stands for Allen and Wright.

A baby eel is called an elver, a baby oyster is called a 'spat.'

Bingo is the name of the dog on the Cracker Jack box.

The arteries and veins surrounding the brain stem called the "circle of Willis" looks like a stick person with a large head.

"Facetious" is the only word in the english language with all the vowels in their correct order, and if you really want the "y"... you can say "facetiously".

The term "Dead Ringer" comes from in the olden days it was not uncommon to bury some alive.Whether they drank themselves unconscious or were actually in a coma.So they would tie a string around their wrist through a small hole in the casket and to a bell.If the bell rang.

[2strokebloke]

Arteries actually means "air ducts"

Somebody told me that it was impossible to sneeze with my eyes open a while back, he thought that if you did your eyes would pop out... so I tried it, my eyes didn't pop out, but it's very hard to do (I squinted, but they were still open don't ya know.)

[Jimster]

I've known number 15 since I was in Kindy

[Suislide]

pig orgasms can last up to 30 minutes.


after cutting off the head of a cockroach, it's been known to run around headless for up to 9 minutes afterwards before dieing.


the term "rule of thumb" comes from olde england, when it was the law that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider then your thumb.

[bowtiebandit]

Presidential Curse

Look what happens when a President gets elected in a year with a "0" at the end. Also notice it goes in increments of 20 years.

1840: William Henry Harrison (died in office)
1860: Abraham Lincoln (assassinated)
1880: James A. Garfield (assassinated)
1900: William McKinley (assassinated)
1920: Warren G. Harding (died in office)
1940: Franklin D. Roosevelt (died in office)
1960: John F. Kennedy (assassinated)
1980: Ronald Reagan (survived assassination attempt)
2000: George W. Bush (?)

And to think that we had two guys fighting it out in the courts to be the one elected in 2000.

You might also be interested in this. Have a history teacher explain this if they can.

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Now it gets really weird.

Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Now hang on to your seat.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford'.
Kennedy was shot in a car called 'Lincoln' made by 'Ford'.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

And here's the kicker.......

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

Creepy huh? This is one history lesson people don't mind reading!

[supratuner]

Originally posted by Oz
(

18. Why is it that when someone tells you that
there are over a
billion
stars in the universe, you believe them, but if
they tell you there
is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

good one

[YogsVR4]

Originally posted by bowtiebandit

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

Thats the one that makes the storie spooky