Your updated Humorscope

[YogsVR4]

Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You know that how you dress will invevitably send a message to those around you. In this case, your message is "Help! Help!"

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Time to commit some random acts of kindness. I have developed an algorithm for this. The next time someone asks you for a quarter (or any small coin), take one out of your pocket, and toss it in the air. Heads, give it to them. Tails, put it back in your pocket, and tell them you haven't got any. Or whatever - remember, the important thing is to be RANDOM.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You will attain your dream of having your own cooking show, but it will become tiresome when you have to battle your way past people dressed as chickens to get into the studio each day.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Today you should sit down (someplace comfy), and ask yourself if you even care. You shouldn't. It's not your fault, you've been trying as hard as you can, so you shouldn't care. Not if they're going to act like that.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Your incisors will seem to be getting longer today, and you will find sunlight hurts your eyes. Probably just a cold, and nothing to worry about.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will invent a cool machine that will automatically make over 800 different varieties of coffee drinks. Unfortunately, everyone will go back to drinking just plain coffee.

Libra (September 22 - October 22)
You will invent a new type of lingerie, and will make millions. The stripes are the key to your success. You will call it "Ze Bra".

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Good day to be callously indifferent to the plight of the masses. You have larger things on your mind than whether the peasants are happy. Oui?

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Good time to invest in collectible things you never had any use for. Susan B. Anthony dollars may make a good start. (Unlike your usual investments, the value of those can only plummet so far...)

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Good day to let yourself go. Just be back by 10, OK?

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
People around you are starting to look a bit complacent. Good day to adopt a haunted expression and carry a large ball of aluminum foil.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Through a casual remark in an elevator, you will realise that both you and your fellow passenger have seen John Cleese's informational film called How To Irritate People. By the time you reach the 10th floor, you will both be severely vexed with one another.

[Oz]

mmm....coffee...

[turbo2nr]

according to the Sagittarius i should sell my comic book

[speediva]

I don't know about my incisors, but I think I have an infection in my gums behind my wisdom teeth... does that count? :o

[esp]

wow i am goin to make millions, and get to see sexy ladies in lingerie!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yes yes.