Elect AF's King of Space!

Now is your chance to direct the ultimate destiny of everything. Time to throw in your hat and platform for becoming King Of SPAAAAAAAAAACE!

As King of Space, you get to be King of Space. I have been King of Space for longer than I care to remember, plus I forgot when I came up with this idea. But, anyways. Here's my platform for why you should vote me King Of Space!

- I can fit seven ginger snaps in my mouth at once.

- I rule with an iron fist that I keep under my pillow. When I cannot find the iron fist, I use one of those steel balls on string clacking things you usually find on a desk.

- Porn on the internet is free.

- Your local radio station doesn't play enough Jim Croce.

- Neither does the other guy's.

- CASUAL FRIDAY!!!!

So, that's my platform. Now where are my worthy adversaries? Who will combat me for votes for AF's King of Space!

??? explain please??? then maybe I could compete???

Within the thread, people will either present their platforms for becoming King of Space! (which they will get to proclaim themselves as in their sigs) or they will throw their support behind existing "candidates".

Really, it's all intended to be nonsense in good fun.

Remind me to come back to this thread when I'm off my tits. It might make some more sense.

I shall do battle.

I promote Depeche Mode.

All those not knowing what a "piston" is will not be issued driver's licenses.

I will make every one of you a millionaire*

All typing in CAPS will be banned from the internet alltogether. :thumbsup:

I will also make available a wider variety of smilies.

Space taxes, although highly reccomended, will be purely optional.
























*in turkish leira. not actually a millionaire.

I will oppose you. And I will win! Because I am the bestestest and my platform will speak for itself. Want to read my platfrom and see for yourself? Too bad! It's a secret. But it's good. So here it is:

-First, I’d rather be Prime Minister of space and have a Space Cabinet and Space Legislature so that I won’t get invaded by the USA who we all know invades non-democratic Space.

-I don’t eat much and can pay part of rent.

-All roads will lead to nowhere because as we all know here at AF, driving is way cooler than the destination. And Space is big so there will be a lot of roads. With lots of chicanes!

-Free Pumas for no one but me ‘cause I am the trendymost (sorry)(step off my kicks, sucka!).

-I will make sure “ya’ll” is in the Space Dictionary, correctly spelled (‘cause we all know it’s a contraction of “ya all” and not “you all” so the apostrophe goes after the a).

-No local radio, satellite radio. My opponent seems to have forgotten he is running for King of Space, not king of town on the ground. And satellite radio plays whatever you want, or so Liz tells me. Liz is cute, so I listen to her.

-Naked Friday!

Vote Willimo! When's the election? I really need to read up on current Space Politics....

- I can fit seventeen ginger snaps in my mouth at once.

- I rule with iron fists that I keep under my pillow. When I cannot find my iron fists, I use two of those steel balls on string clacking things you usually find on a desk.

- Porn on the internet, and at your local naughty store, is free.

- Your local radio, and xm, station doesn't play enough Jim Croce.

- Neither does your pants.

- CASUAL THURSDAYS!!!! Like Friday, only a day earlier, so its better!

OK Here we go.

Why I should be King of Space!!!!!


- I can fit 34 big marshmellows in my mouth at once- (chubby bunny rules)

-Layla's Keeper has been the King of Space for too long-

-I can say "your FIRED" like donald trump-

-I have 25 gigs of free porn off the internet :icon16: -

-Who is Jim Croce???-

-It scares me to know that Layla's keeper knows who Jim Croce is.-

-Hawaiian T-shirt day-

There ya go Layla's keeper. Im up for a challenge. (Hope I know what I am getting myself into :uhoh: )

- i'm tall, so i can reach things that most people cannot reach.

- beer drinking is mandatory.

- race tracks for everyone!

- guaranteed rise in the economy.*

- Kraft Dinner will be made an official food group.

- the position of Queen of Space would still be open (ladies: apply within :D)

- naked fridays....with 10c wings and $2 beers!


VOTE BRIAN AF KING OF SPACE 2004! cause he's just that cool.

































*note: not a guarantee.

Hmph, my opponents, worthy as they may be, seem to fail to realize the importance of local radio playing Jim Croce. It dovetails nicely into my grand "Norm Abrams/the other guy from Full House" plan for the economy.

Willimo, my opponent, brings up the US and the creation of a Space Legislature. Obviously, this opponent does not recognize the past Space Council and their ninety minute reign of wary concern. Those were difficult times fraught with cold coffee and yesterday's newspaper. Do we really want that?

Phhhhhhhbtttttt, all you pussies and your little democracy. I seize the Poisition of "King off space" by the sword.


I am now your dictator, bow down, ladies.

you don't have a sword, Jimmy.

and your penis isn't going to be enough to take over any dynasties.

put it away and go back to your desk. :D

*whacks Jimster upside the head with the clacky thing, thus preventing the usurper from seizing the throne, and its remote control*

Post your platform and garner votes like the rest of us simpletons. There are only two ways to become King of Space! - arbitrarily declare yourself King of Space! when you're bored, and then hold an election in an online forum for King of Space! when merely being King of Space! grows weary.

As god of space I am currenlty throwing my full and almight surport behind willimo


For the below reasons I know he offers us all the best leadership we can possibly have.



-No local radio, satellite radio. My opponent seems to have forgotten he is running for King of Space, not king of town on the ground. And satellite radio plays whatever you want, or so Liz tells me. Liz is cute, so I listen to her.

-Naked Friday!


However, should you decide that you would like a less beurocratic space government I will also join the run for King of Space.

Here is why!

Im god, makes being king pretty easy (duh)

No conflicts between god and king (same entity (duh))

"Yaya" will be added to dictionary, it shall be defined as "the true word of worshp for your lord and master, the yaya."

The dictionary shall be altered so that all words are spelled correctly according to how I spell them. As god I am correct in such things and current dictionarys are wrong.

Honda shall be combined with Lotus to produce the worlds best cars.

Yeah, dude, you are right, this is completely nonsense.

Righto, fine, I'll conform to your stoopid democracy :p

My Policies

-A Keg in every home.

-Remove any taxes/laws that make European porn more expensive.

-Give Bentley to someone who won't use the (admittedly cool) key fobs from a cheapo Volkswagen Polo/Skoda Fabia on the flagship coupe.

-Ban censorship. Actually, I'll make it that any movie that doesn't have tits, violence and swearing gets edited so that it does.

-Ban any softcock who can't hold any more than a dozen beers from drinking.

you don't have a sword, Jimmy.
and your penis isn't going to be enough to take over any dynasties.
put it away and go back to your desk. :D:lol: I'm not even going to ask how you know that. :eek:

Im god, makes being king pretty easy Wasn't god banned a while back. That disqualifies you.:p

Okay folks I hear the platforms, but lets debate these issues.

Question to the candidates.
1-Marshmellows and ginger snaps are fine, but what about pretzels to go with the free beer.


TS out (in space, the final frontier)

Wasn't god banned a while back. That disqualifies you.:p



He was a false idol :loser:


And I would like to include brandy snaps to be eaten after the beer and pretzels, preferable with a good brandy, or whiskey, or similar refined drink.

Mm?!

Did someone say Jim Croce? Got the greatest hits playing on me CD player at the moment...

free pretzels for all. and not just the bagged ones, but the big warm ones that you get at the fair.

lalya's keeper speaks of shoving hard things in his mouth as if that would be something to talk about, suislide wants two dollar beers but he is canadian and their money is dumb. willimo wants another democracy and to pave space there by constricting us in the infintely open space. i have no choice but to run.

the asteroid belt would become a shooting range

everybodys car would be as cool as james bond's

the dark side of the moon would be turned into the largest night club in the universe

the big dipper would be destroyed because it pisses me off

we would find the enterprise and quickly destroy it and any proof that it ever existed

jimster would get a penis mightier

^and just to be fair, i'd give all the girls a pearl neclace.

we would send a probe to uranus just because it sounds funny

I will agree with my opponent Suislide that warm fair pretzels are clearly the better choice for our military as opposed to bagged hard pretzels.

However, it is clear to me that some of my opponents are entirely too engaged in the "Space Dictionary" issue. Clearly these are attacks on my veto of the infamous "Ain't Ain't a Word" bill.

As such, as the incumbent, I strike them from the record and replace them all with the word daffodill being chanted by Gregorian monks.

$2 beers in Canada simply means that you Americans pay even less.


and you're ragging on me for this? :screwy:

How about free boob beds?

If for some reason I choke on a chicken wing after the unquestionable eventuality of winning the King of Space election, my duties should be handed over to the only other capable candidate, Moppie. Why Moppie? Because:

Honda shall be combined with Lotus to produce the worlds best cars.

Sounds like a damn fine plan. His automtive recombination plan is the only one that will fully utilize the Space Chicanes that will be constructed by a brilliantly led and massively efficient Space Department of Space Transportation Which Will Questionably Continue the Use of Cars (not Space Cars).

Another reason to vote willimo:

-I look like Spike and therefore can kick anyone's butt with my mad Jeet Kun-do skillz. Step off my kicks, I said!!

the dark side of the moon would be turned into the largest night club in the universe

"There is no dark side of the moon.... it's all dark."

$2 beers in Canada simply means that you Americans pay even less.


and you're ragging on me for this? :screwy:


nonono its just politics dude. i see you as a threat so i have to say bad things about you, or call your stuff dumblike willimo's big government policy is dumb

yeah well Mother Goose And Grimmy is a terrible comic simply because it has your name in it, and therefore will be banned under my rule.



































does that count?

and you calling my cheap beer dumb doesn't harm me. the voting serfs will see the true appeal of cheap beer.

If for some reason I choke on a chicken wing after the unquestionable eventuality of winning the King of Space election,


Sounds like a damn fine plan. His automtive recombination plan is the only one that will fully utilize the Space Chicanes that will be constructed by a brilliantly led and massively efficient Space Department of Space Transportation Which Will Questionably Continue the Use of Cars (not Space Cars).




My worthy opponent is engrossed in his arrogance, thinking that the office of King of Space! (and its adjoining balcony) are guaranteed to him simply because he eats chicken wings.

And as for the Space Chicanes, must I remind you of the case of Monza? If Earth Chicanes can ruin Monza, then surely Space Chicanes would ruin the site for the Space Gran Prix!

Don't vote for a King of Space! that would ruin the Space Gran Prix for the sake of chicanes!

(to suislide) just like the time you promissed to ban annoying noobs? well that obviously hasnt happened. now i ask you people how can you vote for sombody who cannot holp thir promises.

vote for me, i have never broken a promise i didn't make or intend to keep.

I nominate myself, Jonno, as king of space!

I will raise taxes.
I will cut a lot more forests down.
I will take all of the universe's budget and spend it all on my own needs/ desires.
I will start many wars, on universes much less defenceful compared to my own and seize all their land and build many towns on them, so I can grow my own breed of superhumans.
I will legalise drugs, putting rediculous amount of tax on them, so I can make 100% profit.
I will remove the legal age for buying cigarettes, but make it so you have to be 20 to buy any form of lighter, match or anything that can be used to ignite a cigarette, so the only way of igniting a cigarette involves 2 sticks and some dead grass.
Everybody will have to pay an air allowance, if they don't pay, their airways will be clogged with a large cork, and some brutal force.

All of these will not apply to me, or my family and close friends.
If I don't win, I will take over the universe with a butter knife and a few eggs.


Hey, atleast i'm honest...
Vote Jonno!

Oh come on people, you call this an election. Throw some real mudslinging in there. Throw each other a comet, a meteorite, it is space afterall. :)

TS out (putting space helmet on)

Ok... I've read the positions of the canidates..

I'm voting for the color Purple.

free pretzels for all. and not just the bagged ones, but the big warm ones that you get at the fair.


automatic winner right there....as long as it comes with cheese...if not, your banned from competition

I am not going to run, because I am too cool. Besides, I am the King of my own Space, and its way cooler over here anyway.

But me and my almight kung foo alien wholeheartidly endorse willimo, because we too realize the dangers of having an un-democratic space.

http://img125.exs.cx/img125/1867/votewillimo.jpg

how could it NOT come with cheese? hell i would ban myself if i did that.


oh, and the color Purple is disqualified from running on the grounds that it has no lungs.

It doesn't need Lungs... it's in space. No Air anyways.


The Color Purple is far superior. Face it, it'd be the perfect King of Space!

Hmph, fancy graphics and kung fu aliens will not begin stumbling my campaign. Nay, the true denizens of space, those of us who ride the magic carpet of progress and good vibes, realize that there must be not but the King of Space! and his loyal socks.

By me, Lexus will be partnered with BMW (and chris bangle will be burned at the stake), to create even better cars than Honda and Lotus. Naked Fridays are not permissible because SOME people seem to forget that 95% of the population are people we have no desire to see naked. Instead, I would institute Naked Supermodel Mondays. Tuesdays. Wednesdays. Thursdays. Fridays. Saturdays. And Sundays, except for religious groups, which might find it objectionable on their party day. Pamela Anderson would no longer be able to support PETA, although I would personally make sure she never loses the ability to support her DDD's. Sagging boobies are a very bad thing. All commercials would be Superbowl caliber, and Superbowl commercials would be full length telecomdeydramas, with football breaks. I would appoint earth moderators, to remove all the tards from among us. Trunk monkeys would become required standard equipment, as would 5 point racing seat belts, because we all know they are SOOO much cooler. Minivans would be eradicated, except for turboed and/or lowered ones with cool hood scoops.

The Color Purple is far superior. Face it, it'd be the perfect King of Space!

http://www.library.gatech.edu/about_us/news/banned/images/colorpurple.gif

I dont think so...

And those who attempt to make a moderator look foolish will be dealt with later...

That book is a false telling of the true power of the Color Purple.

The true power of the Color Purple is far beyond your human brain to comprehend. And can be found in the backs of many Autotrader magazines.

Plus, the Color Purple is the color of Royalty and power anyways. So, it's only natural.

and his loyal socks.


And thats were you have a problem, for your socks are infact loyal to me, after all thier lord god holds far more power over them than a mere king.
:iceslolan

Moppie, his socks can't be loyal to you. they're way too big for you.

there is no fine print.

a man who lies? not fit for King of Space!

Seconded!

apparently humor is not permissible. I apologize, and will also add that to my platform.

My opponent ec437 shows his conservative nature in the television commercial quality issue. Only impose quality limits on existing commercials? Surely this is thought not suited for the future King of Space!

By my proposal, commercials would be judged by a committee of hand-picked drunken party going men. Those that proved funny would be transferred to an on-demand cable channel, where the public would be allowed to vote with their choices for which commercials would make it into syndication.

Commercials that have in the past proven their worth by extending their life to serialized commercials would be released in DVD format with making of and audio commentary extras, and would be available in the aisle alongside their respective product.

Furthermore, commercials that have proven annoying as all hell will be publically burned and their characters tormented in Public Square for our amusement. For instance, Matthew Lesko will be shot, re-incarnated as a squid, and then shot again.

This will also be available on DVD.

In closing, REO Speedwagon is awesome!

humor is permissable in my platform.

so my platform is therefore better than ec437's humorless regime.

i would also have Matthew Lesko come back as an Octopus instead of a squid. Octopi have more tentacles then a squid. therefore my regime is better.

a man who lies? not fit for King of Space!


Exactly, you'll have to go into the field of Politics instead of the time-honoured tradition of inter-galactical monarchy.

Where did my candidate get off to? If he doesnt show I will endorse someone more active.

Factoid #3457

Layla's Keeper slept with a leopard skinned donkey.


And later wrote in his memoirs that he tried it once, but didn't inhale.

Where did my candidate get off to? If he doesnt show I will endorse someone more active.

activity is a large responsibility for being king of space! opening beer cans, changing the channel, and farting are a number of strenous activities king's of space must face every day while their minions perform every other task at hand.

i excel in all three of these categories therefore i suggest you support me.

humor is permissable in my platform.

so my platform is therefore better than ec437's humorless regime.

i would also have Matthew Lesko come back as an Octopus instead of a squid. Octopi have more tentacles then a squid. therefore my regime is better.

Oh, so we've got a FLIP FLOPPER, do we??? Humor, not permissible now, will be permissible ONCE YOU'RE ELECTED? Clearly, this is not a person fit to be a KING. :p

Don't make me get my pictures of me on Halloween 2003 out as rebuttal.

You may not like them. Then again, you may, and thus my King of Space! reign shall continue.

Oh, so we've got a FLIP FLOPPER, do we??? Humor, not permissible now, will be permissible ONCE YOU'RE ELECTED? Clearly, this is not a person fit to be a KING. :p


just call me King Kerry.

Free hard liquor is better than free beer or free pretzels. Free hard liquor.

I shall also refine my stance on humor: only canadian approved humor will be allowed, also humor approved by me.

The Color Purple can do anything you can do, and do it better.

And you know it.

i would also have Matthew Lesko come back as an Octopus instead of a squid. Octopi have more tentacles then a squid. therefore my regime is better.

Hah! You have revealed your unfitness for the role of King of Space! in this very lack of understanding of the squid.

The squid, symbol of squishy multi-tentacled things that aren't in Japanese animated porn, has ten tentacles to the octopus's mere eight.

activity is a large responsibility for being king of space! opening beer cans, changing the channel, and farting are a number of strenous activities king's of space must face every day while their minions perform every other task at hand.

i excel in all three of these categories therefore i suggest you support me.

Right you are!

My kung foo alien and I are proud to announce our endorsement of Suislide, who stands for everything everyone else is against.

http://img120.exs.cx/img120/4012/suislide.jpg

And octopusses are better anyway. :flipa:

:iceslolan

Hah! You have revealed your unfitness for the role of King of Space! in this very lack of understanding of the squid.

The squid, symbol of squishy multi-tentacled things that aren't in Japanese animated porn, has ten tentacles to the octopus's mere eight.


right you are. and this election is like golf. the less legs, the better.

-Ban all feminine hygeine product adverts. Girls know what it is they want at the store, there's no need to expose us to it. Seriously, think of the children! Won't someone think of the children!! I mean, what would we do without them? They're just right size to crawl under my car (supported on jackstands, of course!) and get that socket that rolled away. Damn sockets.

-Sockets will be required to be not entirely round so they don't roll away.

-There will be Space Lifts in every Space Carpart Selling Complex that you can rent (for free) so you don't have to use jackstands. Ever. Unless you're putting your car in the yard indefinately. Which will also be banned. Sorry jackstand lobby, get out of Space Washington!

Well, I guess we won't have a use for children anymore.