sex jokes for the seniors crew!

[taranaki]

SEX IN THE 80s AND 90s OF LIFE

Howard is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night after dinner, Howard goes to a secluded garden behind the center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.

One evening, Annabel, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat, and before they know it, several hours have passed. After a short lull in their conversation, Howard turns to Annabel and asks, “Do you know what I miss most of all?”

She asks “What?”

He replies “SEX!!!”

Annabel exclaims, “Why you old fart, you couldn’t get it up if I held a gun to your head!”

“I know”, Howard says, “but it would be nice if a woman just held it for a while”.

“Well, I can oblige,” says Annabel, who gently unzips his trousers and removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it. Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Annabel would hold Howard’s manhood.

Then, one night, Howard didn’t show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Annabel decided to find Howard and make sure that he was O.K. She walked around the home until she found him sitting by the pool with another female resident who was holding Howard’s manhood!

Furious, Annabel yelled, “You two-timing creep! What does she have that I don’t have?!?”

Howard smiled and replied...............”Parkinson’s”

ROMANCE, SENIOR-STYLE

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

She said: "You use to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said: "Then you use to kiss me."

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said : "Then you use to bite my neck"

Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

"Where are you going ?"she asked.

"To get my teeth!"

THE BUZZ

There's an old couple, both in their 80's, on a sentimental holiday they
went back to the spot where they first met. They're sitting in a pub and he
says to her, "Do you recall the first time we had sex together, over fifty
years ago? We went behind the barn. You leaned against the fence and I made
love to you from behind."

"Yes," she says, "I remember it well."

"OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll round there again and we can do it
for old times sake?"

"Ooh Henry, you devil, that sounds like a good idea," she answers.

There's a man sitting at the next table listening to all this, having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, 'I've got to see this, two old timers having sex against a fence.' So he follows them.

They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the barn and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down and the old man drops his trousers. She turns around and as she hangs on to the fence, the old man moves in.

Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex the watching man has ever seen. They are bucking and jumping like eighteen-year-olds. This goes on for about forty minutes. She's yelling "Ohhh God!" He's hanging on to her hips for dear life. This is the most athletic sex imaginable. Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground.

The guy watching is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't know. He starts to think about his own aged parents and wonders whether they still have sex like this. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggles to their feet and put their clothes back on.

The guy, still watching thinks, that was truly amazing, he was going like a train. I've got to ask him what his secret is.

As the couple pass, the guy says to them, "That was something else, you must have been going at it for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? Is there some sort of secret?"

"No, there's no secret," the old man says, "except fifty years ago that frigging fence wasn't electric."

[primera man]

Is this what i have to look forward too

LMAO

[RazorGTR]

Well I am going to fight age tooth and nail lol. No way is that happening to me

[Sanchi]

SHOCKING just shocking:shocked: :shocked:

:silly2:

[ragt20]

Originally posted by SE-R WolfPac
SHOCKING just shocking:shocked: :shocked:

:silly2:

u took the words right outta my mouth ....

although have heard the last one b4

[Spunkymonkey]

HAHAHA....LOL very silly

[Damien]

Scary thoughts...............Scarrrrryyyyyyyyyy thoughts..............

I mean, it was funny :hehe: :hehe:, just something I really didn't feel like thinking about right now. Ya know?

[Jimster]

Stop it!!!!! It makes me feel like I'm getting older

[RevHappy Cowboy®]

I read the last one before, except the "watching man" was a police officer lol