To all the people who have woman trouble...

zebrathree · 03-24-2004, 03:17 PM

...We're going to discuss how to keep the bitch out when it all goes horribly horribly wrong.

This will divided into a few easy lessons.

Lesson One: Weaponary.

Lesson Two: Defending your castle from the hoardes + PSYOP that will make her crap herself. Or laugh.

Lesson Three: Posting the results on AF.

Start Lesson One.

You have a wide range of options for keeping the bitch out.

The options we will discuss are the non lethal options. Because killing her, while possibly fun and soul cleaning, just isn't quite legal.

There are four levels of defence, in order of distance:

"Fuck, its XXXX...and she's coming this way!"

"Damn, she's getting closer!"

"SHIT! She's in the house!"

and

"You'll never take me alive BITCH!"

For the first level of defence, I recommend The Classic Army M24. This can be upgraded to 550feet per second, and with a scope you will see the cow long before she see's you.

Remember, it's bolt action, so you only have a few limited chances to hit her with your 6mm plastic piss off juice.

There is a good chance that this won't be enough, since we all know how tough these whores can be, ripping out hearts with one hand and all.

For the second level of defence, I would recommend the TOP M60 E3.

It is perfect for the kind of home defence that you need the kind of firepower that gives her the real message you're trying to convey.

This beast will fire much plastic at her from a reasonable distance away, in a very rapid fire. If this doesnt make her take cover, you're dealing with a Super Duper Bitch (covered in another lesson).

For the third level of defence, you need a compact carbine or SMG. Z3 recommends the Classic Army MP5A3. This nice little subby should do you quite nicely when she manages to break in. Be warned there is a very fine line between the third and fouth levels of defence, sometimes measured in just milliseconds.

The inbuilt torch means that if the Vampire Slut decides to attack at night, you can blind her with the light of 1000 suns! Well, maybe not quite that many, but you get the point.

The fouth level of defence is bascily the "You can take my heart, woman, but you'll never take, my FREEEEDOM!" stage. Which means a duel to the death in close quarters. Or at most the one who starts crying like a little girl, loses.

This is the do or die moment. In a world of compromise, some men don't.

Thats where the HK USP P8 enters things. The BB version anyway.

I own this little baby myself, and let me say, it rocks. She should never argue with Taiwanese copies of German guns, and this proves why.

So, in conclusion, you CAN have defence in depth from that bitch. She'll never know what hit her.

Lesson Two later today.

* Z3 advocates only the use of BB guns, not real steel, on slutty bitches.

TexasF355F1 · 03-24-2004, 03:37 PM

Dude....you're fucking crazy. Where do you come up with this stuff? I can't stop laughing about this post, it's funny as hell.

Atomis27 · 03-24-2004, 04:10 PM

Steel · 03-24-2004, 07:59 PM

YES! Z3 rules.

IntegraBoy2003 · 03-24-2004, 09:50 PM

nice ones

zebrathree · 03-27-2004, 08:27 AM

Part two coming tonight.

YogsVR4 · 03-27-2004, 09:55 AM

Looking forward to it

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HogieGT-R · 03-27-2004, 02:16 PM

holy crap Z3 you're one funny dude....this is some great stuff and you better post part 2

Nettyesquivel · 03-27-2004, 11:32 PM

ok why dont you take your own gun and shoot yourself....

Toksin · 03-27-2004, 11:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nettyesquivel

ok why dont you take your own gun and shoot yourself....

Why don't you:

1. Open your web browser.

2. Go to www.dictionary.com

3. Look up "humour"

4. Look up "joke"

matada · 03-28-2004, 12:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nettyesquivel

ok why dont you take your own gun and shoot yourself....

I really think you should click here. This will make it much more enjoyable for everyone.

2strokebloke · 03-28-2004, 12:12 AM

Actually, I choose the non-violent way to clean up the situation, basically it's just a seven foot tall, eleven foot long enlargment of a squirel trap, I use my wallet as the bait (it's actually empty of course) when she comes, the door closes behind her, and I can set her free in a field 20 miles away without anybody getting "hurt"

DevoutWankelist · 03-28-2004, 05:32 PM

Wallet for bait. So true so very true.

:

chicago_guy · 03-28-2004, 09:00 PM

LMAO!!!

You should start some kind of school for that.

Fearless Racer · 03-29-2004, 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zebrathree

"You'll never take me alive BITCH!"

Sounds like something I've said before(that got me suspended for 3 days

).

Quote:

Originally Posted by zebrathree

* Z3 advocates only the use of BB guns, not real steel, on slutty bitches.

What about butterknives?

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