Taking a crap @ work.

[Revhard]

Do you use the bathrooms at work? I hate it when I am taking a dump and someone walks in right when I'm about to fart.

[Polygon]

That is a TMI sir.

[NIGHTMARE]

Here! Read this and it will help you with taking a dump at work!



2001 SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR TAKING A DUMP AT WORK

Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.

ESCA-PEE: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car & speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with escapee): When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine guns pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk-up the crapper. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of a COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER: A colleague who poops at workand is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out OF THE CLOSET POOPER before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN): This is a group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident.This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVEN: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR: A pooper who does not realize that you're in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. TURD BURGLARS have been know to cause premature pinchage, which inevitably causes you to pinch one off in the middle.

CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE: This is a subtle toe-tap that is used to alert all potential TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET: A load of diarrhea that creates a series ofloud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an ESCA-PEE. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.

UNCLE TED: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty.This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

FLY BY: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping.Walk in, check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

[blacksnake98]

There are only other guys in my office, so it doesn't bother me at all...

[Spec2 Girl]

eeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!! :apuke:




(btw, that comment was meant for Nightmare’s little post! )

[taranaki]

I work nightshift.....man,I get pissed when I go to the can,and some slacker snoring in a stall....Puts you right off your stroke.....

[Rich]

I just try to remember to go before work and try to hold it in for the entire 12hr shift. If I really have to go, and its a night shift,I walk to the opposite end of the plant, and use the bathrooms for the office workers. [no office workers at night ]. If its a day shift, i walk to the locker room.

The departmental mill bathrooms never get cleaned. In fact 1 shift a week, its supposed to be the lowest guys job [usuially mine ] to clean the $hitter. I dont work many day shifts tho cause of school, so I rarely have to deal with it.

The millwrights never take there turn to clean the can's. They just wait till it gets soo nasty in there that no one will clean it, then they smash the toilet with a sledgehammer [im not joking] around a holiday when its just a skeleton crew and no bosses to catch them. Then they just get the bosses to buy new ones and charge it to the company. If they say no, then the employees just go to the union and say its a violation of rights, and they get new ones.

As a matter of fact, the toilet in the dept. where I work got busted last night. Its good cause we will get a new one after the christmas holidays, but it sux for me cause I gotta work every night shift, and if I need to take a leak, i gotta walk hella far now

Just thought id post that. I thought it was pretty wierd that they just smashed the cans, until I found out the reason.

[kris]

Search for the user wicked He had some different stuff. :o

[Pikachoo]

What I really hate is people who answer their damn cell phone while in the can.

1) I don't want to hear you chatting while taking a crap

2) I never want to call someone and while I'm talking to them hear that unmistakable plop-plop sound:apuke:

[YogsVR4]

[primera man]

Just dump and be proud

[89ssgti]

Originally posted by primera man
Just dump and be proud

It's the best way to go.

[Jay!]

I'm lucky, though. There are like a million bathrooms all over where I work, and I have a few scouted out that no one ever uses. That's for when I need some peace and quiet.

[brads94accord]

haha i work at chick-fil-a so i wait for all the people to clear out of the dining room then i move in for operation terd drop.....

[VW_Redliner]

Hey pooping at work is nothin to be ashamed of. I work at a grocery store. Lots of heavy lifting. If I don't poop then I'm F##ked. It's not easy to pinch the booty and work at the same time. SO just let it all out. You'll feel better trust me all you turd pinchers. IT feels good.