Life according to Billy Connolly

[Oz]

Billy Connolly's way to live life as quoted from his new book.

"Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways. Have lots of long lie-ins. Wear sturdy socks, learn to grow out of medium underwear and,if you must lie about your age, do it in the other direction: tell people you're ninety-seven and they'll think you look fucking great. Try to catch a trout and experience the glorious feeling of letting it go and seeing it swimming away. Never eat food that comes in a bucket. If you don't know how to meditate at least try to spend some time every day just sitting. Boo joggers. Don't work out, work in. Play the banjo. Sleep with somebody you like. Eat plenty of Liquorice Allsorts. Try to live in a place you like. Marry somebody you like. Try to do a job you like. Never turn down an opportunity to shout, 'Fuck them all!' at the top of your voice. Avoid bigots of all descriptions. Let your own bed become to you what the Pole Star was to sailors of old ... look forward to it. Don't wear tight underwear on aeroplanes. Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? ... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes. Clean your teeth and keep the company of people who will tell you when there's spinach on them. Avoid people who say they know the answer. Keep the company of people who are trying to understand the question. Don't pat animals with sneaky eyes. If you haven't heard a good rumour by 11a.m., start one. Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swearwords. If you write a book, be sure it has exactly seventy-six 'fuck's in it. Avoid giving LSD to guide dogs. Don't be talked into wearing a uniform. Salute nobody. Never run with scissors or other pointy objects. Campaign against blue Smarties. Above all, go to Glasgow at least once in your life and have a roll and square sliced sausage and a cup of tea. When you feel the tea coursing over your spice-singed tongue, you'll know what I mean when I say: 'It's good to be alive!'.

[taranaki]

Billy Connolly is a legend.For those in the deepest depths of lala land who don't know him,He was a poor kid,raised in the slums of Glasgow,left school at 15 became a welder in the shipyards,and made his start in folk music.He got his big break doing really blunt,foul-mouthed comedy that appealed to real working people,and went on to be one of Britains most recogniseable television stars.

I'm watching his latest television series,a travelogue about England,Ireland and Wales.He has a lovely presenting manner,like Bill Bryson with Tourette's Syndrome,and if some historical monument or other icon has been cheapened or made tacky for the tourists,he'll say so in no uncertain terms.The last episode that I watched even had a segment on a coal-pit museum with a gallery of the miners' artworks from the 1920's and thirties.Not only did Billy demonstrate a real affinity with the work,he presented it in a way that was moving and funny.Sliced into the documentaries are is footage of his stage shows....he has a brilliant eye for the ridiculous aspects of life and is a joy to watch.

If you've never read his books,or seen his documentaries,or laughed yourself silly at his monologues,you've missed something truly special.

[tonioseven]

I've never heard of him but I like his thinking.

[taranaki]

What's the book title,OZ?

[Oz]

I do beleive it's from Billy by Pamela Stephenson, his wife published September 02. But not 100%, only 90% because was ripped off from elsewhere on the interweb.

[taranaki]

that explains it.The word 'new' in the header needs to go.Didn't think he'd put one out recently.

A side note - his wfe is pretty amazing too.Still remember her performances from 'Not The Nine O'clock News',when she was a tasty young lady used for light erotic humour. Now she is Doctor Connolly,Qualified shrink.Mind you,He's Doctor Connolly,Honorary degree from Glasgow University....and he does a bloody funny sketch about that too!

[freakray]

Americans need to be educated about Billy Connoly!!

I have some of his audio casettes, laugh every time I listen to them!
My Dad has some of his videos too......worth every watch!!

[taranaki]

Originally posted by freakray
Americans need to be educated about Billy Connoly!!

Well, he tried.....


Anyone remember BC, sans beard,in a truly awful American sitcom called...Billy?Worst career move he ever made.

[trevolutionist]

wise words from a funny man