96 Cavalier 2.2L - multiple issues

[deadchevy]

I'll start with a little history in case it's relevant to the current problem.

The passlock system was triggered by only god knows what 6 years ago. GM had to tear apart my dash and steering column to rectify that mess.

My ex put a new battery in the car 4 years ago and crushed a wire to the headlights. Several months later, the damaged wire corroded and my lights quit. Back to the dealership.

I have absolutely no patience for wiring issues.

Two years ago, my AC clutch went and since the weather is tolerable here without it, I let it go, but the MIL turned on and stayed on. Tech says it's a voltage issue probably because there's no codes being spit out. I say to heck with it, it's probably the AC so I'll deal with it when it's not -10 C outside. I am a bad car parent... I never bothered to fix the AC.

One year ago, more wiring problems with the headlights. Corrosion at the test points in the wires from the previous headlight problem. Fixed it myself since it was simple and I knew what the heck was going on. My alternator was heading out at the time so I had it rebuilt.

Two months ago I replace the muffler and serpentine belt.
About 6 weeks ago, I'm driving down the highway, car is running totally fine, tach and speedometer both drop to zero and then bounce back up to current RPM's and speed. Car didn't stall, didn't stumble, no misfire. I keep driving it and paying close attention to see if the problem recurs. Nope.

One month ago the car begins to idle horribly. Also when going up very steep hills. BUT only when the engine reached it's normal operating temp. When cold, it ran as great as the day I got it.
First thing I'm thinking is the head gasket is on it's way out. I check the plugs for tell tale signs, nothing. I check for bubbles in cooling system return tank when it's hot, nothing abnormal. No exhaust fumes in the return tank. Oil isn't contaminated either. No white smoke out of the tail pipe. Plugs look nice and clean aside from light tan coloring. I can't see any arching on wires in the dark. I leave it alone because of the weather.
I get some input from my cousin who insists it's the EGR valve and his friend disagrees and says it's a coil pack.
My dad - he's 77 - goes out and does his thing. Says my wires and plugs are good. All have good spark. Has to be compression, probably the headgasket on it's way out and not leaking badly enough yet to get coolant into the oil. He'll check it when the weather isn't so bad. Frostbitten fingers are worse then a car that's running a little rough. He says baby it until then.

Last week the weather hits -30 Celsius. I start the car up and it's running like crap straight off the bat. I put a bottle of gasline antifreeze in and head to work. Weather gets warmer and it's still running bad. I'm positive at this point one cylinder isn't firing at all. I also can smell gas while I'm driving. The car isn't getting to it's usual operating temperature either. I pull the plugs, 1,2,3 all still just barely tan. Cylinder 4 however, hard as nails crap on it, black except for about 1/4" near the center electrode, which is white. I call the shop and stop driving the car. I'm thinking the worse. I didn't get a picture unfortunately.

Tech tells me this - cylinder TWO was low on compression. He checked it and it was totally washed out from fuel. He put oil in and compression came back up to normal. OBD2 scanner cannot communicate with the ECU. Tech gets readings from the ABS and airbag np.
I've been told different things about the ECU on these cars by different people. If the ECU is shot, the car won't run at all. If the ECU is shot the car will do all these things that it's doing (misfiring, flooding out cylinders etc). What is correct?
This last tech says 99 times out of a 100, the ECU is fine even though the scanner cannot read it, it is likely the wiring due to the location of the ECU.
So I gave him the go ahead to try to find the bad wire(s).

Why would cylinder 4 be misfiring badly enough to blacken up a plug that quickly but it's cylinder 2 that's running so rich the fuel washes the oil in the cylinder out? I'm thinking something is wrong with the fuel injectors, but still stuck on the headgasket idea.

Oh and one last thing! This car NEVER fails to start up immediately, even when I drove it to the shop a few days ago.

I love this car but I'm really starting to miss my old trans am. Basic wiring, no computer modules and carburetor.

Any ideas? I know this is a PITA without codes. I couldn't care less if it's a fuel injection problem... or a headgasket problem. But if this is all electrical... I am thinking bone yard. I cannot see spending thousands on new wiring harness and computer components for a car this old.