"It Was Her Choice"

[SeXy_AnGeL]

You all can sit here and have your own personal opinions and thats fine i'm not saying you all are wrong but.....I was raped about 2 months ago and a week ago i found out that i'm pregnant with his baby. hes in jail he doesnt know. yes he has the right to know. the people that i have talked to tell me to have an abortion but i'm against that. If other people want to do it fine but I am not going to. you cant make a baby with out a man so the man is just as responsible. If the woman is pro-life then the man should just as well take care of his part, just because she choses to have the baby there is no right for the man to walk away, its not all her fault.

[boingo82]

Originally posted by SeXy_AnGeL
You all can sit here and have your own personal opinions and thats fine i'm not saying you all are wrong but.....I was raped about 2 months ago and a week ago i found out that i'm pregnant with his baby. hes in jail he doesnt know. yes he has the right to know. the people that i have talked to tell me to have an abortion but i'm against that. If other people want to do it fine but I am not going to. you cant make a baby with out a man so the man is just as responsible. If the woman is pro-life then the man should just as well take care of his part, just because she choses to have the baby there is no right for the man to walk away, its not all her fault.

My deepest sympathy to you on the trauma you have been through....
Please understand that in this thread we were talking about a pregnanacy through standard circumstances, i.e. both parties willingly participated in the conception. There is no way that the blame could be placed on you in this situation, as you did not consent to the act that got you pregnant. However, since it is your body that will carry the child to term, and since the rapist is in jail (I assume you put him there? Congrats to you for having the strength to stand up to your attacker.) I think that the decision should be wholly yours. However I don't know how much child support you'd be able to get from him, or whether the support would be worth the contact. I haven't been in your situation but I don't think I'd want to ever have contact with the man again. Though I'm against standard-circumstance abortions, in this case I would support abortion should you choose that option. I hope things get better for you after what I'm sure has been a very traumatic experience. Best of luck.

Emily

[speediva]

Originally posted by boingo82

Though I'm against standard-circumstance abortions, in this case I would support abortion should you choose that option. I hope things get better for you after what I'm sure has been a very traumatic experience. Best of luck.

I wholeheartedly back Emily on this one. I may be a "d@mn liberal Democrat" but I don't believe that abortion is a solution to 2 teenagers being irresponsible. My three reasons that abortion should even be considered is 1)if the health of the mother would be compromised by childbirth 2)rape 3)incest.

I, too, have been raped, but it was merely a date-rape kind of thing, and I have talked it out with him now. I can only imagine how much harder it must be for you as you now bear that man's child. You are far braver than I.

Under traditional circumstances, I believe that the child should be born, and if the parents cannot take care of the child, they should put it up for adoption. I otherwise don't think that abortion is acceptable.

[SeXy_AnGeL]

You, none the less, have been raped. He took advantage of you and did something to you that you didnt want to do. I dont know what I'm going to do yet. I mean I'm 19 and I go to school full time and I live in a house with 4 members of my team and this is not the environment for a baby. I dont want it but I dont know what else i can do. Maybe abortion maybe i'll just live my life and see if i miscarry. I know that sort of like abortion but it would be a mircal if I could have a child anyway. I have a disease and the doctors all said that right now with all of the drugs (perscription) that I'm on it would be impossible. so its a shock that I could even get pregnant. Thanks for the support.

[boingo82]

Originally posted by SeXy_AnGeL
You, none the less, have been raped. He took advantage of you and did something to you that you didnt want to do. I dont know what I'm going to do yet. I mean I'm 19 and I go to school full time and I live in a house with 4 members of my team and this is not the environment for a baby. I dont want it but I dont know what else i can do. Maybe abortion maybe i'll just live my life and see if i miscarry. I know that sort of like abortion but it would be a mircal if I could have a child anyway. I have a disease and the doctors all said that right now with all of the drugs (perscription) that I'm on it would be impossible. so its a shock that I could even get pregnant. Thanks for the support.

How far along are you? You might look into adoption, as in Oregon and Washington there is an agency that does fully open adoptions. Basically the child knows from day one about their birth mom, and there is a set number of photographs, visits, phone calls, etc., if you can't support your child but still want to be part of its life. I've heard very good things about the agency and you would get to pick the people that raised the baby, and the agency would pay for hospital costs, etc. Either way it's a huge decision, and I'm sorry you got put in a position to make that decision. If you are interested at all I can try to find out what that agency was..

[replicant_008]

Hmmmm.... being a bloke this is a difficult question to answer as it usually takes the answer of 'depends.'

What you say... Replicant doesn't have a straight answer...

Nope. For me to even contemplate a decision I'd have to know a lot more about the circumstances, the relationship, support, the whole nine yards before I'd even come to a conclusion. This is definitely in the 'grey area.' There's more than one of you who have very strong views on a number of issues here - pro-life vs pro-choice, responsibility, mutual agreement vs right of the mother to choose.

I haven't crossed this bridge so I can't even begin to understand how I'd feel about this - other than to know that bringing a child into the world is a responsibility that I haven't really had the urge to take on. There's part of me that knows the awesome responsibility that this means as well as part that would cherish raising a child.

At this stage of my life, the prospect of children is something I don't feel morally or emotionally ready or responsible enough for - which freaks the crap out of me seeing a lot of my friends seem to be bringing lots of bundles of joy into the world... and some of them have kids that are old enough to begin thinking about having kids in a couple of years...

[THE4TH]

well let's see..

if she wants to keep it and he does not then he should not be held accountable for any of it , as that point it's her baby..
it may have been the fruit of him as well but he chose not to have it.. and she chose to keep it.. it just so happens the woman carries the kid..
so at this point it's her choice to keep it or not.. but it's the guy's choice to be involved or not..
i think it's retarded to force a man to have and provide for a baby just because it's his.. if the woman isn't 100% sure of having the kid.. then don't have it.. don't be on the fence , then have it and try and dump your indecisive mind on me.. i know that sounds rude.. but i've seen a few of my friends get screwed for life because of women like that i know they aren't all like that and i hope i never get into that position..

[Route666]

Originally posted by whttrshpunk
I think it's a ridiculous thought that if a man says to abort the baby and the woman says not to, that his financial obligations should be nil. Maybe from now on whenever I lease a car or a house I'll just kill whoever holds the note on it that way I'm free from owing them money. It took 2 people to make the child,takes 2 to raise it.The end.

Well you could kill them and be free of owing them, but society would bang you up (no pun intended ) in jail for MURDER!!!!

It may have taken two people to MAKE the child, but how many decided on having it? If the father was unknowingly making the girl pregnant, and has no plan to have a child, he has every right to be able to have nothing to do with the child. If the mother had become pregnant unknowingly, chances are, she won't want the baby either, BUT if she decides to have it, then why should that automatically make the father HAVE to have responsibility for it, when he said he did not want it?

Also, there shouldn't be any reason for someone not wanting an abortion. The "child" is just a part of the mother's body until it is born. Does anyone have any objections to cutting their toenails? Children do not have concious memories before the age of 3, nor are they self-aware. In any case, life feeds on life feeds on life feeds on life..... (you can see where this goes). The soil you walk on is made of the decayed bodies of the living plants and animals that live on this planet, and feed off of the soil and plants respectively. Anyway, thats a bit of track, I just used it to reinforce the life feeding on life statement.

[Route666]

Originally posted by tazdev
quote:

Too often the guy takes the easy option and disappears

If a girl DECIDING that she wants to have a baby has sex with a guy, she should know him well enough to know whether he would just split, like an arsehole, or actually be a decent man. Also, if she wanted a child with this person, she is obligated to not be an arsehole herself, and involve him in the decision.

[BLU CIVIC]

my thing is that if both partners are having intercourse and are not using protection....wether she wants to have a baby or not...then it's both of their responsibility....but it protection is used and she gets pregnant...than it's both of their respomsibility......

this thread sux b/c this is suh a touch issue and there is no right answer

[GTStang]

I'm going to explain what happenend to my friend then I'll say what I feel about the question.
About 3 months ago my friend(male) accidentally got his gf pregnant. He is 21, makes about $60,000, and a very mature person. He is not agianst abortion, his gf was. He was ok with that and knew that before hand. At first he was nervous like any guy his age would be but he was more than ok with the situation. He had made finicial arrangements, living, told his parents etc.., Then about 2 months after he found out she was pregnant she started to show her immaturity.
She was originally from Hawaii and she was getting homesick. She was talking about going there and having the baby there and staying there. My friend's job is a great job as you tell by the money he makes and his age. He couldn't take time off to goto Hawaii during his child's birth or even less move to Hawaii. He was doing the right thing, being a father, he wanted to be thier for his child's birth. He wanted to raise his child. She was being a childish person, he had to make sacrifices and she wasn't willing to make any.
In the end she ended up getting an abortion of her choice not his at all.

So here are my feelings if the man decides he wants no part of raising this child and the women knows this. I say she is own her own. Just like it takes two to make a baby it should be a decision of two to raise one. What if she had my friend's baby and moved to Hawaii? Is he suppose to pay for a child that he wants to see but can't except maybe twice a year cause she is not mature enough to care about anyone but herself?
I know I'm gonna get killed for this but women in this sitaution we are the powerless ones.

[speediva]

Originally posted by Route666
Does anyone have any objections to cutting their toenails?

Granted, I'm just playing Devil's Advocate to fight your position, but your toenails are not living once they grow past the "quick". A baby has a heartbeat long before it is born. Why else would a deceased mother be able to "give birth" (via emergency cesarian) to a live child?

I've made my stance, but I don't recall if I've said that if you aren't responsible enough to pay consequences and have a child, then you aren't responsible enough to be having the sex to make the child.

[MattyG]

Wow I wish I hadn't seen this thread, it has exploded my brain!

I'm not sure if there is any "right" answer, as many have said....I can only relate it to my situation.

I am in a relatively long-term relationship with my girlfriend. However, we both know that the time is not right for us to have a baby, and after we discussed it, my gf told me that she would abort a baby conceived if it was accidental (we use contraceptives of course).

Having said that, I have heard of some situations where women have changed their mind after conceiving and wanted to keep a child, after becoing emotionally attached to it in her womb. This I must confess, would be a nightmare situation for me. I don't want a child, don't want to pay support, don't want my life to be changed by a child now. If my gf were to do this, I would be devastated.

If she chose to keep it, what could I do? I suspect nothing. I couldn't force her to abort, couldn't get out of supporting the child despite making it clear prior to conception I never wanted one. Besides, if I wanted to raise a child or three I would want to do it "right"...that is, right partner, right time of my life.

I am very afraid that should something like this occur, I would harbor resentment towards my partner for keeping the child, and the child his/herself for robbing me of my freedom before I was ready.

I don't really wasnt to come off unloving, I would certainly love any chld I conceived, but to be honest I don't know much about children, and it is one of my greatest fears to have one before I am ready.

Wow, felt good getting that off my chest

[HogieGT-R]

it takes 2 to have sex, so therefore if thw woman gets pregnant, the man should still be there for the woman and the kid, if not stay with them...that's how it is in my family if that happens. if one is to get pregnant they have to get married

[Sean]

where is the 'the kid was an accident and nobody wants it' option?