Miracle Whip... yuk

My girl says she's gonna be nice and make me a sandwich while I recover from hurting my back. What a nice gesture I say. Frickin sweet right?

Well I gave her specific directions for what I want on my turkey sandwich:
Toasted wheat bread
American cheese
6-8 Slices of honey roasted turkey breast
Gulden's spicy brown mustard
A lil oregano
A lil black pepper
and heaps of mayo!

She comes back with my 2 sandwiches (cut diagonal like I like em) and I immediately get a whiff of Miracle Whip. I take a lil taste and sure enough she had piled my perfect sandwich high with that vile sweet spread. She said she did it because "it was closer". THE MAYO JAR WAS ONE SHELF LOWER! :newburn:

So now I refuse to eat the sandwiches as she sits five feet away from me with her back turned :rolleyes: She doesn't see the problem with subbing in miracle whip in a job suited for mayo. She says I'm just being picky and mean. Since she is not a big fan of sandwiches, she doesn't understand.

Am I just odd? Who out there willingly switches between miracle whip and mayo? She thinks I'm the only guy on earth opposed to miracle whip.

MAYO EATERS STAND UP AND BE COUNTED!!!

Nah. Make yer own damn sammidges from now on. :slap:

I bet you don't show her this reply.:lol:

Nah. Make yer own damn sammidges from now on. :slap:

I bet you don't show her this reply.:lol:

He showed me like the asshole he is. "I bet they agree with me" my ass.
Damn right he can make his own food from now on! Crippled bastard.

-Dee

i don't know what the hell miracle whip is, but mayo owns....

He showed me like the asshole he is. "I bet they agree with me" my ass.
Damn right he can make his own food from now on! Crippled bastard.

-Dee

your girlfriend totally owned you, you crippled bastard.

^I dispute the validity of a post made against me while the poster uses my screen name. There should be some official AF rule against that.

I wanted to just delete the post but I was convinced not to. She has threatened to deprive me of future services... food related and otherwise :frown:

she's not threatening to remove the toilet paper in the bathroom too? :eek:

i don't know what the hell miracle whip is, but mayo owns....
Miracle Whip (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miracle_Whip)
Its only acceptable in tuna salad , chicken salad, and egg salad. And even then, mayo is better. Be glad you've never had it. I guess its only sold in the US. Thank god we haven't burdened the rest of the earth with this stuff

she's not threatening to remove the toilet paper in the bathroom too? :eek:
I believe she's planning on replacing it with a block of sandpaper

interesting.



recently, i've only been using wikipedia to read about sex positions and stuff...

Meh, I like MW better than regular mayo. It's like mayo with a tangy twist!! Send that sandwich my way!!!! :licka:

recently, i've only been using wikipedia to read about sex positions and stuff...

:eek: I didn't even know they had that type of stuff on wiki! I would study up, but according to the lady on my right I won't be needing any of that info any time soon.

haw haw.

back to the cunnilingus page....

Fucking hell!! Do you guys ever sleep??!?! Every time I get on here you guys are bantering back and forth!!!!

i got up like an hour ago. i went to bed at like 10am.

wiki owns when it comes to sex stuff, you can find like anything on there!

Fucking hell!! Do you guys ever sleep??!?! Every time I get on here you guys are bantering back and forth!!!!

Sleep is for the weak. Plus its 6pm in chicago, no time for sleeping. I've been stuck in the house for the past 2 days. All I can do is sit on the computer, watch movies/sports, and occasionally study (usually for school, but I just spent 10 minutes reading up on sex positions on wiki) :)

it's got a good list, doesn't it?

i also read up on positions to hit the g-spot too :)

i prefer the carma sutra.

Meh. I wrote my own book. Its called 00accord44's Techniques for Taming the Tw*t

There's an entire chapter dedicated to incorporating mayo in the bedroom

i bet there is, but Nicole doesn't like mayo..:frown:

i bet there is, but Nicole doesn't like mayo..:frown:
After you read the chapter, she will

But if you wait a few months, you can buy my follow-up book: 00accord44's Procedures for Pounding the P****
There will be a section in the appendix for the miracle whip lovers out there.

http://files.automotiveforums.com/gallery/data/503/203785music-thumb.jpg (http://files.automotiveforums.com/gallery/showphoto.php?photo=51285&password=&sort=1&cat=500&page=1)you can do it, put your back in to ithttp://files.automotiveforums.com/gallery/data/503/203785music-thumb.jpg (http://files.automotiveforums.com/gallery/showphoto.php?photo=51285&password=&sort=1&cat=500&page=1)


ooooooh, wait. no you can't!

^I dispute the validity of a post made against me while the poster uses my screen name. There should be some official AF rule against that.

I wanted to just delete the post but I was convinced not to. She has threatened to deprive me of future services... food related and otherwise :frown:
You deserve it, you ungrateful bastidge. Toss some jalapeno peppers on that sandwich and send it my way. :wave:

Mayo sucks balls anyways. Miraclewhip is MUCH better.

yuck, miracle whip is gross. tangy mayo= bad mayo.


hellmans mayo for the win... and none if that light stuff either!

yuck, miracle whip is gross. tangy mayo= bad mayo.


hellmans mayo for the win... and none if that light stuff either!


Damn straight! Hellmans ftw!

03cavPA, my lady says you are now her favorite person. As a result, I now hate you :icon16:

Gman, how can you be a Bears fan (the manliest of all men) and let something called Miracle Whip pass your lips!? I want you to watch the game tonight with a beer in one hand and a jar of Hellmans in the other!!!

03cavPA, my lady says you are now her favorite person.

Dun.....Dun...............Duuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnn.. ..

The Life and Times of 00accord44 continues next week...

hellmans mayo for the win... and none if that light stuff either!Amen brother lol Miracle whip is just straight up nasty!

00accord44 - Hell yeah man thats the way to do it, have your chick make your food for you :thumbsup: Gotta keep them in check man or they walk all over your ass.

Gman, how can you be a Bears fan (the manliest of all men) and let something called Miracle Whip pass your lips!? I want you to watch the game tonight with a beer in one hand and a jar of Hellmans in the other!!!
Hahaha, Its true I am a Bears fan (and my friends even say i look like Brian Urlacher), but mayo just isn't my thing. It doesn't have enough kick to it. Its not like i load my sandwiches w/ mirackle whip, just a little on one side and thats good. w/ mayo, you need more, because you cant taste it.

you know what'll happen?

one day, you'll be watching the game, eating a Miracle Whip-laden sandwich. you'll go for a little scratch, and there'lll be nothing there...

w/ mayo, you need more, because you cant taste it.
What!? You need more mayo because it tastes so great! Its a subtle taste, not an overbearing "tang" like the MW. I eat mayo with a spoon sometimes. I eat mayo sandwiches whenever I run out of lunch meat. I dip my fries in mayo (sometimes a mayo/ketchup mix). I use mayo on my hot dogs. The possibilities are endless. I'm a mayo addict!

you know what'll happen?

one day, you'll be watching the game, eating a Miracle Whip-laden sandwich. you'll go for a little scratch, and there'lll be nothing there...hahahahahaha http://www.nack.us/web_images/funny/ownedshaq.jpg (http://javascript<b></b>;:)

LMAO!! You got me.

What!? You need more mayo because it tastes so great! Its a subtle taste, not an overbearing "tang" like the MW. I dip my fries in mayo (sometimes a mayo/ketchup mix). I use mayo on my hot dogs. The possibilities are endless. I'm a mayo addict!Fuck yeah man same here. Fries, mayo, and ketchup is the shit!! lol like you said possilites are endless.

mayo is disgusting....miracle whip is decent but i only use just a little bit for my tuna sandwiches, makes it stick together. Mayo is like semen in a jar.

Mayo is like semen in a jar.

and you know that how? :eek7:

wiki is the best site ever now...I have 3 months to study up :D I can see the guy when he's checking my bag now.. "uh, sir, why is there a pack of condoms, miracle whip, and a bungee cord in your luggage?"

"she said she wanted to be adventurous...."

03cavPA, my lady says you are now her favorite person. As a result, I now hate you :icon16:


You gotta show a little sensitivity at times. I still fart, belch, and scratch myself like any self respecting man would. :D

But I don't like mayo. :rofl:

But I don't like mayo. :rofl:

then you obviously have no genitals.

all men love mayo, fact.

I dont like may either..i only use it if my bread is dry

then you only have genitals when you have dry bread, very strange...

WOW!! Do you realize how NOT funny your last 2 posts were?

then you obviously have no genitals.

all men love mayo, fact.

then you only have genitals when you have dry bread, very strange...

^Dizamn. Hater in the house.

then you obviously have no genitals.

all men love mayo, fact.
Actually, a secure, self confident man can admit he likes miracle whip. He's also more than happy to eat the sandwich his lady has made for him, even if she didn't use mayo.

00accord44's lady can tell ya that. :evillol:

^Dizamn. Hater in the house.Nah its not like that at all i'm just saying there comes a point when it just isnt funny anymore.

Actually, a secure, self confident man can admit he likes miracle whip. He's also more than happy to eat the sandwich his lady has made for him, even if she didn't use mayo.

00accord44's lady can tell ya that. :evillol:

A sandwich without mayo is not a sandwich. Its a travesty. And I have banned my lady from reading anything else on this thread for fear that she will leave me in search of a man with no taste buds. But the joke will be on her once she finds out miracle whip eaters have no genetalia :p

ok, wipe up them tears. it's just a joke.

:iceslolan No sweat. cavy, they're just jealous because Dee likes me better.

And you're praying I don't have any nads, but deep down, you know I rule. :evillol:

A sandwich without mayo is not a sandwich. Its a travesty. x2 I dont know how someone can each a sandwich without the mayo. One time I got a sandwich from Jimmy Johns and was very specific about them putting on mayo, get home take a bite into the sandwich and sure enough, no damn mayo!! lol luckily I had a fresh jar of Hellmans sitting in the fridge to come to the rescue :grinyes: lol

warm roast chicken with mayo between toast is the best...

Mmmmm. I'm eating a REAL turkey sandwich right now. And I ran out of lunch meat so I have a toasted mayo sandwich right next to it.

03cav, you stay away from Dee! *goes to get shotgun from basement*

Mmmmm. I'm eating a REAL turkey sandwich right now. And I ran out of lunch meat so I have a toasted mayo sandwich right next to it.

i hate you.

when i make a sammich..i like to put some of that spray butter on the bread and toast it..but yea MW blows..but so does mayo imo

spray butter?

Americans push laziness to new extremes...

when i make a sammich..i like to put some of that spray butter on the bread and toast it..but yea MW blows..but so does mayo imo

So you just choke as you eat your sammidges? Or do you just take a gulp of your drink as soon as you bite in? :screwy:

"sometimes it's hard to swallow"

"sometimes it's hard to swallow"haha now that I found funny :grinyes: .

The only time I use the spray butter (when I actually have it in the house) is when I cook eggs. works very well.

is it like an aerosol can of butter?

is it like an aerosol can of butter?..Thats exactly what it is :lol: http://www.united-foods.de/2004/catalog/images/09-038%20s.jpg?osCsid=5ccb16669e4a4da428cb2b2078379f5 5

turkey, cheese, bacon, white bread and spray butter in a toaster oven...the thought runs chills down my back.........i miss my girlfriend