Does having a big wedding make sense nowadays?

[twospirits]

Seeing the Nicole getting married thread, made me think about weddings, especially those that get out of hand (expense wise).

Therefore I ask, does it make sense (especially in this day and age) to have a wedding that costs so much.

Personnally, I never did understand weddings. The wify only gets to wear the dress once. The expense gets out of hand. Both parties get a bachelor party which usually entices said person to not get married or get laid.

So what's your take on it.

TS

['97ventureowner]

Originally Posted by twospirits

Seeing the Nicole getting married thread, made me think about weddings, especially those that get out of hand (expense wise).

Therefore I ask, does it make sense (especially in this day and age) to have a wedding that costs so much.
TS

No it doesn't. Why not take that money and use it to pay down bills, ( heaven knows most people are eyeballs in debt before they say "I Do". The money could also be used as a downpayment for a house, or to get a 'jumpstart' at their new lives together. I cringe when I see these shows on tv where the bride is spoiled and the wedding is approaching $100,000. How long are we going to be paying that off, ( and given the divorce rate today too)?
I got married 12 years ago, and right from the start my wife and I talked it over and agreed not to go overboard. We did a lot of things ourselves, and both families pitched in. We didn't spend a lot of money but we had a great time and the memories that followed are worth more.
We had a church wedding, with a reception at a local Masonic Hall. The catering was done by a friend of the family, and the invitations were bought through a friend who worked at a print shop. The dress was bought from a bridal shop off the rack at a huge discount, and family members pitched in and did the decorations, favors, and floral arrangements. Our local Public TV station has an annual auction to raise funds and I bid an and won a package to outfit myself and the groomsmen, and also won DJ service for the entertainment at the reception. And the photographer was a friend of the family and did excellent work as it was his hobby. If you tap into family and friends and trade services you can save a lot of money on your wedding, and most people are glad to help out.

[vinnym86]

Yes. My reason being...

I'm Indian. If you've ever seen an Indian wedding, you know how opposite it is from the popular christian black and white, quite, pomp and circumstance debauchery it is. There is an extravagant amount of partying with colors out the wazoo. Both bride and groom are adorned in so much jewelery you'd think King Midas blessed them. The amount of floral decoration that is present is like walking through a botanical garden. Oh, and the horse! The catering and sheer amount of guests (we have extremely large families)! All this madness is behind the traditional and religious reasoning that a marriage is more than just holy matrimony, but also the day the family of the bride "lets go" of her, the family of the groom accepts her in, and the world rejoices around them. The wedding day is as much for the groom and bride as it is for the two families. They are pouring money into that day to make it abundantly clear to the world around them to "drop what you're doing and party!" The bigger deal the wedding is, the happier everyone is. Small weddings simply don't make any sense to Indians... I think we're all about just partying, dancing, eating, and being extravagant.

now, being smart, no. money is well spent securing financial stability... but really, even the poor would scoff at sacrificing a great wedding day. Atleast, my family does. My cousin is getting married this year, and its gonna be huge. If you're in NYC this spring, and you see a bunch of crazed brown people and chinese people (Groom is Chinese) dancing in the streets, thats us!

['97ventureowner]

Isn't the divorce rate among weddings with Indians a lot less than those in the US? It would make sense then that more money and pomp and extravagance would take place. After all, it is tradition and a big say for both families, even more for the bride. If the couple tends to stay married then it's money well spent. If you look at the divorce rate among weddings in the US, it is higher than many other countries and doesn't make sense to spend ridiculous amounts of money for something that won't last. Most of the Indian couples I see in the US have been married a long time. The year my wife and I got married there were 6 weddings the same year among our friends. In 2008 we looked back and only 2 of the original 6 couples were still married. My wife's sister just celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary. That year they remember 5 weddings among close friends and hers is the only surviving marriage today.

[MagicRat]

Originally Posted by '97ventureowner

I got married 12 years ago, and right from the start my wife and I talked it over and agreed not to go overboard. We did a lot of things ourselves, and both families pitched in. We didn't spend a lot of money but we had a great time and the memories that followed are worth more.

My wife and I did the same thing. The money saved was much more useful being spent to fix our house.

There is a HUGE commercial industry involved in creating big weddings.
All those bridal magazines, TV shows and advertising manipulate people (Ususally the bride and her mother ) to go completely overboard on lavish spending.
The message is that if you don't go overboard, all your guests will judge you harshly, your social standing will go down and you will regret it.

I have known many people who spent $100k + on weddings All of them regret it now, saying it was excessive and wasteful.
Also, big expensive weddings promote unnecessary anxiety. They get so big and complex the wedded couple and relatives become consumed by having everything be 'perfect', rather than just enjoying the moment.

If I got married again (fat chance ) I would do a really simple mid-winter wedding on a beach in the Caribbean.

[Nicole8188]

Not unless you're a billionaire. It's stupid. Apparently the average person spends between $10,000 and $15,000. That's ridiculous. Down payment on a house, car, or a few vacations. I understand it's supposed to be this big, special day, but seriously, it just seems stupid to me.

That being said, my mom cried and my dad got really upset when I told him I didn't want a big wedding. And everyone else in my very large family got upset as well. So I suppose it's as much, if not more, for other people then it is for you. They are buying everything for me wedding, and I think it'll end up costing about $5000, all of which is on the venue, food and alcohol for about 100 people.

[BrodyP]

TS this has been the topic of conversation in my house for 2 years now. I never wanted to have a big wedding, it just never appealed to me. The perfect wedding for me was having the close family and a few friends in the Bahamas for a beach wedding/vacation. This however was not the case for my fiancée. She has always wanted a nice sized wedding. We came to an agreement and set a price limit along with an extended engagement. The 2 year engagement allowed us to save and plan the perfect wedding that we could both agree on. We get married June 28th 09 and the final cost is about 24k. This is very reasonable considering where we come from our friends weddings have topped he 100k mark. What we did was basically split the wedding costs down the middle. We have payed over half of the costs between us both over the past 2 years. This leaves less then 12k needed to be paid by the wedding day. The way we see it is we are planning on making at least 30k in gifts allowing us to pay of the balance with enough left over to put into a savings account. To answer the question I would say NO, having an expensive wedding does not seem like the smart thing to do especially in this type of economy. I would also say age plays a factor in the price you are able to put on a wedding, along with your occupation.

[WickedNYCowboy]

Originally Posted by vinnym86

Yes. My reason being...

I'm Indian. If you've ever seen an Indian wedding, you know how opposite it is from the popular christian black and white, quite, pomp and circumstance debauchery it is. There is an extravagant amount of partying with colors out the wazoo. Both bride and groom are adorned in so much jewelery you'd think King Midas blessed them. The amount of floral decoration that is present is like walking through a botanical garden. Oh, and the horse! The catering and sheer amount of guests (we have extremely large families)! All this madness is behind the traditional and religious reasoning that a marriage is more than just holy matrimony, but also the day the family of the bride "lets go" of her, the family of the groom accepts her in, and the world rejoices around them. The wedding day is as much for the groom and bride as it is for the two families. They are pouring money into that day to make it abundantly clear to the world around them to "drop what you're doing and party!" The bigger deal the wedding is, the happier everyone is. Small weddings simply don't make any sense to Indians... I think we're all about just partying, dancing, eating, and being extravagant.

now, being smart, no. money is well spent securing financial stability... but really, even the poor would scoff at sacrificing a great wedding day. Atleast, my family does. My cousin is getting married this year, and its gonna be huge. If you're in NYC this spring, and you see a bunch of crazed brown people and chinese people (Groom is Chinese) dancing in the streets, thats us!

I'm the guy that used to bring the horse to the weddings. The people were usually nice, and welcoming. Some went out of their way to make sure we were comfortable, while we waiting others treated us like dirt, and made one family pay dearly (by leaving when their hour was up, after several time telling them we couldn't stay after the 1 hour they booked us for that, was understood from both sides.) For the most part I enjoyed doing them. I never really got an answer to why they have weddings 0730 on a Saturday morning, perhaps you can answer that?

[jon@af]

My wife and I are pretty spending-conscious as it is, so when it came to planning the wedding, I think the most expensive thing by itself was probably the photographer, which we got a hell of a deal on at $1200 (full rights to photos, proof book, prints, photo CD's and no time restriction).

We went through people we knew to get our music (had a harp, organ and soloist), we found the most cost effective way to get flowers while still getting something that she really liked. We even bought our wedding rings a year in advance because of the 45 percent discount we could get on them.

And you know what? It was one of the best days I have ever experienced. The food was great, the pictures turned out phenomenally, the guests were happy and we didn't go into debt.

In fact, because of our planning, we were able to save money and will be using that to spend a couple weeks in Hawaii for our one year anniversary in July (wedding was April 26, but couldn't get off work until July).

The point is, just because you do something in a cost effective manner, doesn't mean that you have to stiff yourself on having a wonderful experience. If you're smart about your purchases and creative, it makes it that much more meaningful. At least it did for my wife and I.

[twospirits]

Hey Vinny,

here in S. Ozone Park there is, no joke, no less than 3-5 Indian weddings a month every May-Aug and yeah they are big.

TS

[stieh2000]

Finacially speaking, expensive weddings do not make a whole lotta sense. That money it much more wisely spent on a down payment for a house. But we all know what peoples spending habbits are when it comes to financing what they couldnt normally afford.

I have heard of at least one wedding that was sponsored by local buisnesses such as florist that gave flowers, etc in exchange for some advertising. Seems like a great idea.

Thats my and congrats Nicole for the engagement and not spending a fortune!

[ericn1300]

If Papa can pay for it then let Nanna arrange it, it's more about them and their friends anyway. If the bride and groom have to pay for it, I say go as cheap as you can.

[fredjacksonsan]

If Daddy is going to pay for it (and wants to) then he should be able to buy whatever wedding he'd like. There's so many variables, such as income and culture, that it's hard to make one statement to cover everyone.

However one thing to be sure of: a couple just getting married that is going to pay for their own wedding has better things to do with their money than spend it all in one day. That said, if they've got the ability to save and it's important to them, like Swigz, then by all means get what you want.

My current wife and I ran off and got married at a B&B. Total cost of the wedding, less than $500. It WAS for us, not for anyone else and that's what we based our decision on.

Now the first wife wanted to spend spend spend so of course it was a big production. 'Nuf said about THAT one.

[ericn1300]

Originally Posted by fredjacksonsan

Now the first wife wanted to spend spend spend so of course it was a big production. 'Nuf said about THAT one.

Been there, done that. I know what you mean. It ain't the money or the pagentry that makes it a wedding.

[fredjacksonsan]

Originally Posted by ericn1300

Been there, done that. I know what you mean. It ain't the money or the pagentry that makes it a wedding.

Quite true; my bond with my new and improved wife was much stronger without the cake.