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| COMPLETELY off-topic Talk about anything other than cars. But you can't be mad and angry in this forum! |
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#1
09-07-2002, 02:49 AM
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lame ass jokes
hey its the kind of mood I'm in tonight.
- Energizer Bunny arrested. Charged with battery. - Why do ducks have big flat feet? To stamp out forest fires. - Why do elephants have big flat feet? To stamp out flaming ducks. - Three elephants fell off a cliff. Two fell on land. One fell in the water. Boom-boom-chhh! - A deer, a skunk, and a duck went to the grocery store. When they were ready to check out, the deer didn't have a buck, the skunk didn't have a scent, so they put it all on the duck's bill. - This guy's walking home from work, really late, in the pitch black of night. There isn't another soul on the street. Suddenly, from out of the gloom, comes an ominous bump...bump...bump. He looks behind him and spots a furtive, shadowy thing coming down the street after him. Unnerved, he picks up his pace, finally breaking into a panicked run. He looks behind him again, and the shadow is closer. Bump...bump...bump. The glow of a streetlight illuminates the shadow momentarily, and, to the man's horror, it is a coffin, bumping down the sidewalk. He quickens his pace, running as fast as he can go, but the coffin only pursues more quickly. BUMP...BUMP...BUMP! He reaches his house, fumbles frantically for his keys, and slips in the door just as the coffin reaches his front steps. He slams the door and leans against it, catching his breath. Bump...bump...bump. There is a moment's silence, and the man wonders if he dares to breathe. Suddenly.... Bump...bump...bump...Bump...BUMP! BUMP! BUMPBUMPBUMPCRAAAAASH!!!! He rebounds away as the door breaks off its hinges. Scrambling to his feet, he charges up the stairs, and the coffin races after. BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP! Terrified, he backs into a corner and starts throwing everything within reach at the coffin -- a handful of papers, a vase, a box of crackers, a lamp -- but the coffin keeps coming! BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP INCHESFROMHISFACE, and nothing seems to slow it down! His hands fall upon a bottle of cough syrup, and he throws that at the coffin, too! The coffin stops. 
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#2
09-07-2002, 02:52 AM
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Re: lame ass jokes
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#3
09-07-2002, 03:06 AM
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I read all of them but the long one.
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2000 BMW 323IT 1954 Ford F100 With every post my penis grows smaller Yakima Valley Truck Club Yakima Washington
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#8
09-07-2002, 08:18 AM
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I wake up this morning, log on to AF. First thread I read, self explanatory, and keep reading. Now I'm depressed.
Thanks Taz:finger: :finger: 
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Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
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#9
09-07-2002, 08:28 AM
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well U asked for it
 Father: Well, son, how are your marks at school? Son: They are under-water! Father: What do you mean by under-water? Son:Below 'C' level! A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?" The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband." A Japanese traveller wanted to visit India. He reached the airport & hailed a taxi. The taxt driver was from Calcutta. The Japanese said: Your taxi goes very slow. Japanese taxi goes very fast. Your buses are very slow. Japanese buses are very fast. 'What!!!!' yelled the Japanese at the end of the journey, 'your meter goes very fast!' 'Yes, sir', said the taxi driver, 'it is made in Japan!' A boss tells his new employee, "I'll give you 8 bucks an hour starting today and in three months, I'll raise it to 10 bucks an hour. So when would you like to start?'' ''In 3 months.'' Q: Why was the Egyptian boy confused? A: His Daddy was really a Mummy!
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#10
09-07-2002, 08:33 AM
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Oh Geez!! Lighten up you guys. Maybe it's just that I'm dumb enough to find this stuff funny, but I'm chuckling, so THANK YOU, TAZDEV
Here, I'll tack on one that I've heard: Ten out of ten constipated people didn't give a shit. :silly2: :sun: Oh and Ragt20: that second joke is absolutely money!!!
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#13
09-07-2002, 03:13 PM
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corny but funny 
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2000 BMW 323IT 1954 Ford F100 With every post my penis grows smaller Yakima Valley Truck Club Yakima Washington
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#14
09-07-2002, 06:13 PM
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Why did the chicken cross the road? I'll post the answer later when someone gets it right!
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#15
09-08-2002, 04:23 AM
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Quote:
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