My Story

[erb]

When the U.S. invaded Mexico June 18, 2009 many Americans did not approve of the plan. Many young men and women had to serve their country to help fight the radicals in control of Mexico. Andre Viscouer the leader of the Mexican revolution is trying to get nuclear power in their hands and to ultimately dominate the world as we know it. An elite squad of U.S. marines also known as the (Delta Force) were sent in for a couple of reconnaissance missions deep into the heart of Mexico. While on these mission they encountered numerous mortar attacks on there squads. They were fortunate enough to not suffer any fatalities



Team Bravo was outside the south entrance of the Red Zone waiting for the word to infiltrate from team Charlie. Charlie yelled in a nervous voice, “The mission is comprised I repeat the mission is comprised get over here and help us.” Bravo heard a big explosion and the radio went dead. “Charlie, Charlie are you there? If you can hear us please reply. First Lieutenant Jordan Covell said, “Sir I think I found something, I think it is a sewer entrance.” As General David Erb walks over to look shots rang out from all around them. David yells, “Everyone down in the hole.” As soon as everyone was down in the hole Private Travis Yoakum and Jordan Blocked the entry from letting the enemies in the sewer with them. Bravo turned around and started walking deeper into the tunnel. Jordan yelled out, “ Sir I think were gonna have to fight this one out they probably know these tunnels like the back of there hands.” David Replied, “I guess so everyone in your positions two on each tunnel. Any Roaches come around the corner give them two in the chest and one in the head!” Then one by one some roaches came running around the corner and every single on was shot. After about two hours of fighting they moved from where the roaches were coming when they weren’t coming from the outside entrance. They followed the tunnel for about two and a half miles and they came to an open entrance into a building where they thought they heard Americans talking, Jordan stuck his head up to see who it was. Jordan yelled whispered, “Charlie is that you?” “Hey who is that?” “Its bravo sir.” Jordan replied. “Boy its good to see you guys we thought you were dead.” “Those roaches are lucky they caught us off guard.” Replied Charlie. “Where’s your commander?” “I’m right here.” David replied in a stern voice. “How are you guys?” “I think were alright we need to be un tied though.” “Okay no problem…. Where are your captors?” We don’t know they tied us up and left.” Well Travis get up there and clear all the rooms Jordan you go with him.” As they open the first door BANG someone starts shooting as they shoot one of the terrorists. Travis moans. “Ah im shot crap the roach is lucky he is dead or I would have my way with him.” Jordan soon says, “Everything is clear sir.” “Okay lets find some weapons for you guys.” “They have a room over in the left corner where they keep all of their weapons I think.” Replied the commander of Charlie. “Wow look at this stuff!” “This is amazing where did they get this?” “One thing for sure is im glad we have it now.” “All right everyone I think we should stay here for the night.” “Okay I need two guys from each team to stay guard.” Any takers? “I will sir” Jordan answered. “Me to sir” Replied Mike Yanuzzi. “Okay you guys stay guard at the front on each corner and give cross fire to any roaches coming down the street. If the situation gets to sticky everyone down in the hole and cover it up with that rug.” “Now I need two of you from Charlie.” Austin and I will Daniel replied. Okay you guys go to the back and do the same, all four of you get m-60’s out of that room. Also I mean that if anyone that isn’t an American soldier comes down the street shoot them.” After about three hours of sleep Jordan and Mike start hearing some talking coming from down the street. Jordan comes back inside to wake up David. “What is it?” replied David. “Sir there are some people talking in Spanish down the road do you wanna go check it out?” Jordan answered. “Yeah get me an suppressed mp5 and a couple of flash bangs and you cover my back.” As David jumped the fence out front two of the rebel fighters run across the road David yells, “We need a sniper to try and take them out.” Kyle of Charlie team gets his M-4 and comes out front. “There over on the north-east corner of the 4 houses down the road.” BANG BANG, Kyle takes out both of them.
As David starts walking down the side of the houses the talking gets louder and louder. He looks around the corner to see three elite rebels with stolen m-16s. David takes out a flash bang throws it around the corner and it explodes. They start screaming like little kids. David pops around the corner and kills all of them. He comes back to the house and they all go back to sleep. Next morning they wake up to the sound of a convoy of trucks driving in the front of the house they were in. “Wow where are they going?” Asked Jordan “Looks like a weapons shipment.” Replied Travis. “Well let’s go find out where they’re going.” David answered. “Everyone get your stuff lets go” When everyone went back inside the sound of gunshots and explosions started going off. “Hurry up lets go see what’s happening.”


As the two teams run to the next road they see some Mexicans trying out their new weapons. “Charlie you try and flank them from the rear Jordan and Travis you run across the road to the bombed out building I want one of you on each story of the house we will give Charlie cover fire, when your ready signal Jordan and then signal me.” David ordered during the gunfight an armored bank truck speeds down the road to Travis’s position and subdues him with a taser. As Jordan runs down the stairs one of the insurgents shoot him in the head and he then dies. “Everyone get in the weapons truck and follow them!” David yelled, “Damn this is a rough ride.” Complained Mike.



C+C WELCOME

[Jet-Lee]

Cliffs Notes?

[thecackster]

pretty good

[Moppie]

Eh?

[ThatRoundHeadedKid]

The next Tom Clancy here? Not bad dude.

[freakray]

Originally Posted by flathead_dave

“The mission is comprised I repeat the mission is comprised get over here and help us.”

Was the mission comprised of something so big they needed help getting it done?

That's as far as I got in the story....cliff notes for the rest?

[v10_viper]

BORING AS FUCK

There is a LOT of potential in there and I think you could do a lot better.

Ah im shot crap the roach is lucky he is dead or I would have my way with him

^That's something I would expect to read out of a 9 year old's story. Work on things like that a little more and I'd buy your book without doubt.

Read this book and you'll see what I mean, whether there was any highly tensifying action going on or not this book had me in it the entire time. U.S.S. Seawolf

IMO that book beats Clancy's best work, but I'm a Navy S.E.A.L. buff in the first place.

[2.2 Straight six]

you need to change the solid block of text into defined paragraphs, i actually can't read the wall of text. my eyesight's screwed...

[freakray]

On second pass....you may want somebody who understands what punctuation is to read your 'story'.

[2.2 Straight six]

Originally Posted by freakray

On second pass....you may want somebody who understands what punctuation is read your 'story'.

On second pass....you may want somebody who understands what punctuation is to read your 'story'.

right?

sorry...

[freakray]

Yeah, you got me there

At least my post was long enough you read the whole thing

[erb]

When the U.S. invaded Mexico June 18, 2009 many Americans did not approve of the plan. Many young men and women had to serve their country to help fight the radicals in control of Mexico. Andre Viscouer the leader of the Mexican revolution is trying to get nuclear power in their hands and to ultimately dominate the world as we know it. An elite squad of U.S. marines also known as the (Delta Force) were sent in for a couple of reconnaissance missions deep into the heart of Mexico. While on these mission they encountered numerous mortar attacks on there squads. They were fortunate enough to not suffer any fatalities



Team Bravo was outside the south entrance of the Red Zone waiting for the word to infiltrate from team Charlie. Charlie yelled in a nervous voice, “The mission is comprised I repeat the mission is comprised get over here and help us.” Bravo heard a big explosion and the radio went dead. “Charlie, Charlie are you there? If you can hear us please reply. First Lieutenant Jordan Covell said, “Sir I think I found something, I think it is a sewer entrance.” As General David Erb walks over to look shots rang out from all around them. David yells, “Everyone down in the hole.” As soon as everyone was down in the hole Private Travis Yoakum and Jordan Blocked the entry from letting the enemies in the sewer with them. Bravo turned around and started walking deeper into the tunnel. Jordan yelled out, “ Sir I think were gonna have to fight this one out they probably know these tunnels like the back of there hands.” David Replied, “I guess so everyone in your positions two on each tunnel. Any Roaches come around the corner give them two in the chest and one in the head!” Then one by one some roaches came running around the corner and every single on was shot. After about two hours of fighting they moved from where the roaches were coming when they weren’t coming from the outside entrance. They followed the tunnel for about two and a half miles and they came to an open entrance into a building where they thought they heard Americans talking, Jordan stuck his head up to see who it was. Jordan yelled whispered, “Charlie is that you?” “Hey who is that?” “Its bravo sir.” Jordan replied. “Boy its good to see you guys we thought you were dead.” “Those roaches are lucky they caught us off guard.” Replied Charlie. “Where’s your commander?” “I’m right here.” David replied in a stern voice. “How are you guys?” “I think were alright we need to be un tied though.” “Okay no problem…. Where are your captors?” We don’t know they tied us up and left.” Well Travis get up there and clear all the rooms Jordan you go with him.” As they open the first door BANG someone starts shooting as they shoot one of the terrorists. Travis moans. “Ah im shot crap the roach is lucky he is dead or I would have my way with him.” Jordan soon says, “Everything is clear sir.” “Okay lets find some weapons for you guys.” “They have a room over in the left corner where they keep all of their weapons I think.” Replied the commander of Charlie. “Wow look at this stuff!” “This is amazing where did they get this?” “One thing for sure is im glad we have it now.” “All right everyone I think we should stay here for the night.” “Okay I need two guys from each team to stay guard.” Any takers? “I will sir” Jordan answered. “Me to sir” Replied Mike Yanuzzi. “Okay you guys stay guard at the front on each corner and give cross fire to any roaches coming down the street. If the situation gets to sticky everyone down in the hole and cover it up with that rug.” “Now I need two of you from Charlie.” Austin and I will Daniel replied. Okay you guys go to the back and do the same, all four of you get m-60’s out of that room. Also I mean that if anyone that isn’t an American soldier comes down the street shoot them.” After about three hours of sleep Jordan and Mike start hearing some talking coming from down the street. Jordan comes back inside to wake up David. “What is it?” replied David. “Sir there are some people talking in Spanish down the road do you wanna go check it out?” Jordan answered. “Yeah get me an suppressed mp5 and a couple of flash bangs and you cover my back.” As David jumped the fence out front two of the rebel fighters run across the road David yells, “We need a sniper to try and take them out.” Kyle of Charlie team gets his M-4 and comes out front. “There over on the north-east corner of the 4 houses down the road.” BANG BANG, Kyle takes out both of them.
As David starts walking down the side of the houses the talking gets louder and louder. He looks around the corner to see three elite rebels with stolen m-16s. David takes out a flash bang throws it around the corner and it explodes. They start screaming like little kids. David pops around the corner and kills all of them. He comes back to the house and they all go back to sleep. Next morning they wake up to the sound of a convoy of trucks driving in the front of the house they were in. “Wow where are they going?” Asked Jordan “Looks like a weapons shipment.” Replied Travis. “Well let’s go find out where they’re going.” David answered. “Everyone get your stuff lets go” When everyone went back inside the sound of gunshots and explosions started going off. “Hurry up lets go see what’s happening.”


As the two teams run to the next road they see some Mexicans trying out their new weapons. “Charlie you try and flank them from the rear Jordan and Travis you run across the road to the bombed out building I want one of you on each story of the house we will give Charlie cover fire, when your ready signal Jordan and then signal me.” David ordered during the gunfight an armored bank truck speeds down the road to Travis’s position and subdues him with a taser. As Jordan runs down the stairs one of the insurgents shoot him in the head and he then dies. “Everyone get in the weapons truck and follow them!” David yelled, After about 10 minuets of chasing them the finally lost the Americans. “ Crap” David yelled, “We should have got them.” David asked Austin, “Does your radio still work?” “Yes sir” Austin replied. “Okay I need you to call HQ and tell them we suffered a casualty and they captured one of our men.” David ordered “ Sir a few seals volunteered them selves to come out here and help us” Replied Austin “Where’s the rendezvous point?” Questioned David

[Toksin]

Spelling & grammar needs attention.

Also, Delta Force is USAF, not Marines.

RESEARCH

[xviciousx]

Marines have Force Recon

[Moppie]

Eh? x2