Observations from an idiot...

[tonioseven]

Here are a few things to think about that you probably have never
thought about; then again maybe you have since this may be a repost...


Can you cry under water?


How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?


If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?


Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?


Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny
for
your thoughts"? Where's! that extra penny going to?


Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were
buried in for eternity?


Why does a round pizza come in a square box?


What disease did cured ham actually have?


How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be
a
good idea to put wheels on luggage?


Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up

like every two hours?


If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still calle! d a
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If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?


Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?


Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
binoculars
to look at things on the ground?


How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for
Miss
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Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see
you
naked anyway.


If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?


Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?


Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?


Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
squeeze
these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"


Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible
crisp, which no decent human being would eat?


Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?


When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell
you
to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license,
are
you going to be smiling?


If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about

him?


Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?


If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a
coconut,
why can't he fix a hole in a boat?


Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't

point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?


Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're
both
dogs!


What do you call male ballerinas?


Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?


If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why
didn't
he just buy dinner?


If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables,
what is baby oil made from?


If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?!


Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?


Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same
tune?


Why did you just try singing the two songs above?


Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but
call
it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?


Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at

you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the
window?

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first
place

[clawhammer]

Some were pretty funny, and made you think.

[fredjacksonsan]

Hahaha; good stuff. You didn't really want answers to all that, did you?

[dugie6551]

OMG ... too many to pick a favorite !!!

[crayzayjay]

Some of those were hilarious

[95cord]

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all four? Their both dogs.

I have always wondered this.

[Raz_Kaz]

Got me at the twinkle, twinkle little star and alphabits tune thing.




Good ones

['97ventureowner]

Originally Posted by tonioseven

..



If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

Turn it around...

lol pretty funny. I read the twinkle one and I had to sing them both out loud to see if they had the same tune. Then I read the next line and I felt like a retard!!!!

[GritMaster]

This one was the best

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[integra818]

Originally Posted by tonioseven

If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why
didn't
he just buy dinner?

Because it was'nt dinner he was after...he just wanted to put an extra bone in that bird...

[tman]

I'm bored

Can you cry under water?

-Yes, but noone will notice

How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?

-Same difference, but assassinated is more impressive and has ass in it, so the media likes it better.


If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

-because you "leave" your money there

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

-to save on meat usage by the meat producers, and make you thing your paying for a sandwiches full of food.


Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's! that extra penny going to?

-Those dudes who worked for initech cleverly devised a computer program that rounds off those estimations, putting the extra cents in there accounts.

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

-nah. everyone up there is naked. and female. Thats MY heaven.


Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

-It's hard enough for the mouthbreathers that work at pizza hut to get a square box folded right. They'd be lost with a circular box.

What disease did cured ham actually have?

-DiaPIGtes

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

-Kennedy himself said that we should devote our efforts to getting a man on the moon, so the good people at Samsonite went full throttle into developing the space suit.


Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

-How do you know people mean they slept soundly when they say that. Maybe THEY woke up every 2 hours.


If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still calle! d a
hearing?

-Yes, but they can't hear it.

If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

-The managers at the Coke factory probably dont care what you drink as long as your work gets done.

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

-This stems from the location of the device on which both features are watched. Movies are IN a theater, hence your IN a movie. You see TV stuff ON a physical tv set, therefore are ON tv.

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

-It puts things in perspective

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?

-Because the two party system works. If a good third party emerges, 2 of the parties will merge or take over anothers view, resulting in 2 parties again. With 3 viable candidates, its more difficult for a single candidate to win the electoral college. Also, with 50 candidates, there would be no one with the majority of American support.


Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

-This is for your safety incase you made a skidmark during the day

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

-No need, one of the other operators can simply send for the ambulance

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

-because bras cover one particular type of organ, albiet there is a pair of them. panties cover 2 different types of umm, err things.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

-just like family guy:
Peter- my cereal spells oooooo
Dog- Your eating Cheerios.
Same effect.

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"

-It was obviously a New Zealander of an Aussie, trying out these new critters.

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

-Designed by a housewife so that if she gets mad enough at her husband she can not only toast his hands, but burn them to a crisp.

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

-My freezer has a light in it...

When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?

-They never told me to smile, I just did.

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

-Song is "Jimmy cracked corn and I don't care" Just because the songwriter didnt care doesnt mean noone else doesn't.

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

-Yes, because corpses have protectionunder the law as citizens.

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a
coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

-Would have made for a boring show wouldnt it?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

-You mean you don't?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

-Goofy is smarter. He could talk, while pluto only ever said, "Kiss Me"

What do you call male ballerinas?

-Ballers. Its like spanish, El is he and Ella is she, so a male dancer is a Baller and a female dancer is a Ballerina.

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?

-Dreaming does not use the optic nerve, but is constructed by the brain. As long as the image building portion of the brain isn't damaged, they can dream.

If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

-ACME is one of those companies that just sends out free stuff, and Wyle E. had collected it over the years, and used it to unsuccessfully chase the roadrunner.

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

-It's what its for, sorta. Why is motor oil not made from motors? 3n1 oil from 3n1's etc

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?!

-electricity does not come from electrons. Electrons merely are excited by the current. Electricity is created by magnetism. Magnetism is creadted by electricity. take a wire and connect it to a AAA battery, wrap it around it in a coil, and connect it to the other pole on the battery. put it near metal paper clip and see what happens.

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

-No. I was cornered by a mouse when I was 4. Since then I've hated all mice.

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

-Figured that one out at age ~4

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

-I didn't

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

-Tis why english is the most difficult language to learn.

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?

-If I blew in my dog's face, I wouldnt have a face.

[FormulaLT1]

good stuff

[blues02TA]

Some of those are pretty good... here are a bunch of them I came across the other day (some were already listed in this thread):

http://www.goodquotes.com/funnythoughts.htm

[dugie6551]

Boooooo ... to Tman for taking the time to answer the questions logically !!!!