It's been awhile...

[-The Stig-]

The Z has been down for... almost 2 months now. But this next week it should be going in for repairs to the fried electrical. So, expect pictures and stories to follow.



But, I got me a race the other night. Yes sir I did.

My weapon of choice for this race is a very modified 1995 Ford Econoline E250 XL.

Specs Run down:

4.9L Inline 6 EFI
150hp @ 3200rpm
260tq @ 2000rpm

0-60 in about 3 to 5 minutes
1/4 mile in nearly an hour
Top Speed ... WHAT TOP SPEED?!

35 gallon tank
13/14 mpg (city/hwy)

Oh yes, you fuckers are scared aren't you? YES YOU ARE!!!!

It is a handling beast with a wheel base of 138 inches, 5300lb curb weight... and 16 inch STEEL WHEELS! Fuck yeah, YOU CANNOT HANDLE THIS!

Current Mods: Weight reduction with the slightly rusted out floor in the back. Custom Bondo job I did on the right fender cause other employee hit a parked car... and most important of all... the will to kick ass and take names. SHIT YES!


So, I was flying down the road at a blistering 30mph... you know near Warp speed. And as I'm heading home, I start the down hill decent towards the Long Beach traffic circle. My playground, where I show off to the world the handling prowness of my Van. People get scared when they see me flying through the traffic circle.

Is it cause it's 5000+lbs of steel healing over due to excessive body roll? Is it that I'm going through there 5-10mph faster than the rest of the traffic? Or is it that I'm pointing to them and giving them the look of death... you know, making the motion that you're going to kill them by moving your finger across your own throat. Yeah, that always gets the ladies moist.

YEAH, so now I'm coming down the hill and I notice a Honda Civic Hatchback from the early 90s. I saw him and thought he must be an Initial D freak. Cause I'm an Initial D freak, cause only Initial D freaks drive the traffic circle. Cause it's the TOUGE ASSHOLE! YOU CANNOT HANDLE THIS!

He's waiting to merge into traffic, I carefully plow my way through traffic he pulls out... I enter the traffic circle.... I mean, TOUGE ASSHOLE! and plant my foot into the accelerator. Mr. Honda see's me flying towards him and decides to gun his Initial D car and try to lose me in the TOUGE!!!

I give it more gas and let the body roll of the van set the suspension up nice and firm on the passenger side as I draft him for about .4 seconds. Then go for the pass...

I let the van drift, no not tail out.. but rather float cause it can't turn any harder... to the outside of the Honda and using my superior driving skills of stupidly large motorvehicles I start my agonising pass of my Battle opponent!

AH HA, I PASSED HIM... He trys to keep with me as his passenger stares in disbelief that they got passed by a monstrosity known as the ECONOLINE!

We now shift to making right hand kink, we're done with the traffic circle... and get onto the straight street... I managed to keep my lead by half a Van length... a very long Van length to the next light which happened to be red.

Sitting at the light... I check all my guages. Cause it's a performance machine YEAHHHHHH! All systems are go. Adjust my radio... Sammy Hagar on the friggin Radio!! "I can't drive... 55!!!" which is so true with this machine I drive.

My battle opponent decides to turn off and not battle anymore... Good choice on his part. I might of had to turn off the Overdrive and go to Ludacrous SPEED!... Hell, maybe even Plaid.

It was a great battle, something worthy of it's on Prime Time TV show on Speed Channel....





P.S. YOU CANNOT HANDLE THIS! Don't you forget that!!



Cliff notes: I drove the traffic circle like any other asshole would and passed a slower car... nothing special... Don't be a tool and believe that my Van is actually fast.

[kris]

Ricer.

[-The Stig-]

[Colov99]

Hey someone on the forum drives a slower car then me. Yes!!

[Polygon]

And if all else fails you could just roll over on top of him. Oh, and if your going to drop it out of overdrive and go to ludicrous speed be sure to keep your hand on the brake.

[CassiesMan]

Dude...I so could not handle that. Even though I am....EXTREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEME !!!!1111!1111111!!!!1!!11111!!!!oneoneoneshiftoneo neshift1

[mason_RsX]

Man what a hp powerhouse...I've seen those econolines beat Vettes and M3s...but yeah back to reality, way to show the punk how its done, his friends will never let him live it down, now if only you were like 85 years old

[turbo2nr]

see i knew that red was a ricer.. hes finally showing his colors..

1

[street_racer_00]

It would have been cooler if you had a troop of cub scouts while you were doing it...

[-The Stig-]

It's a cargo van... completely empty inside... makes for less weight... makes for faster times.

YEAHH BOOOIIII!!!

[SiGNAL748]

I'm calling bullshit on this one. I must see pictures, dynos and time slips immediately.

[-Josh-]

Shit son, i got an Accord with your econoline's name on it bro... Think that box on wheels can step up to the big dawgs!? I dont think so biotch!!! I challenge you foo.... Bring your econo shit to the midwest and i'll show you how we roll!

[carrrnuttt]

Originally Posted by RedNeck383

It's a cargo van... completely empty inside... makes for less weight... makes for faster times.

YEAHH BOOOIIII!!!

I call bullshits.

Prove me wrong sir, PROVE ME WRONG.

[-The Stig-]

FINE THEN ASSHAIR... You and your HondUH best be ready... cause I'm gonna go Banzai on your asshole with my econoline MOFO!

I'll show you how the west was won... with FORD POWER!

[dampachi]

You do know we have an offtopic forum, right guys?