Read at your own risk!!

[DVSNCYNIKL]

Yo momma's so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."

Yo momma's so ugly she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning.

Yo momma's so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."

Yo momma's so ugly they push her face into dough to make cookies.

Yo momma's so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower

Yo momma's so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

Yo momma's so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck

Yo momma's so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.

Yo momma's so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras

Yo momma's so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her

Yo momma's so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

Yo momma's so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say "Damn, is it Halloween already?"

Yo momma's so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.

Yo momma's so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.

Yo momma's so ugly she made an onion cry.

Yo momma's so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours. . .for a quote!

Yo momma's so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!

Yo momma's so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!

Yo momma's so ugly Ted Dansen wouldn't date her!

Yo momma's so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!

Yo momma's so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!

Yo momma's so ugly the NHL banned her for life

Yo momma's so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints

Yo momma's so ugly people go as her for Halloween.

Yo momma's so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.

Yo momma's so ugly she scares the roaches away.

Yo momma's so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

Yo momma's so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

I just needed to get that off my chest!!

[primera man]

HAHAHAHAHA...GOOD STUFF

[johnny]

Nice snaps, man. I haven't heard these in a while...

[DVSNCYNIKL]

Thanks. I was heated yesterday and had those left over. This guy around where I live decided he wanted to take me on. I totally destroyed him but still had more. So I just posted them here. If anyone wants to respond you can. I just needed to get it out. Hey, maybe some of you guys can add more and we'll have this thread so that if any of you need to reference....


Ahh well, just a thought!

[primera man]

I might change it from..."Yo momma's" ....... and change it to...."My mother in law"....:finger: :finger: :finger:

[DVSNCYNIKL]

I think I have a few of those. Give me a minute!

[primera man]

Originally posted by DVSNCYNIKL
I think I have a few of those. Give me a minute!

I'd love to see them :flash:

[MBTN]

You are so dumb, that when you jumped off the worlds tallest building to kill yourself, you failed.

You're so small, you can hang-glide on a Dorito.

I knew many others back in the day, not anymore though.

[Porsche]

I knew many others back in the day, not anymore though.

How old are you?:sun:

[MBTN]

17.

In Living Color used to have tons of your mama jokes.

[DVSNCYNIKL]

Well, sorry for any repeats in this one.

Primera man, you can substitute your "mother in law" with some of these. Haven't had much luck in finding original mother in law. I lost the freakin' think I had with all my insults in it. DAAAAAAMN!!

Yo mama's so hairy...


- Yo mama's so hairy, they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower.
- Yo mama's so hairy, Bigfoot took a picture of her.
- Yo mama's so hairy, her armpits look like she has Don King in a head lock.
- Yo mama's so hairy, she looks like a Chia pet with a sweater on.
- Yo mama's so hairy, she has afros on her nipples.
- Yo mama's so hairy, you almost died of rug burn at birth.
- Yo mama's so hairy, she shaves with a weedwacker.
- Yo mama's so hairy, she got a trim and lost 10 pounds.
- Yo mama's so hairy, when she spreads her legs ,the first thing that comes to my mind is "We're going to Bush Gardens."



Yo mama's so fat



-Your mother is so fat, when she dances, the band skips.
-Your mother is so fat, her belt size is EQUATOR!
-Your mother is so fat, she jumped in the air and got stuck!
-Your mother is so fat, she sat on a rainbow and made skittles.
-Your mother is so fat, her high school yearbook picture was arial view.
- Yo mama's so fat, her ass looks like two pigs fighting over a milk dud.
- Yo mama's so fat, her blood type is Ragu.
- Yo mama's so fat, she wears a watch on each arm, one for each time zone.
- Yo mama's so fat, she stepped on a talking scale, and it said "GET THE FUCK OFF!!"
- Yo mama's so fat, the shadow of her ass weighs 50 pounds
- Yo mama's so fat, she stepped on my cat's tail, now I call him "Beaver".
- Yo mama's so fat, when I tried to drive around her, I ran out of gas.
- Yo mama's so fat, when I climbed on top of her, I burned my ass on the light bulb.
- Yo mama's so fat, she's got more chins than a Chinese phone book.
- Yo mama's so fat, when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.
- Yo mama's so fat, I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side.
- Yo mama's so fat, I ran around her twice, and got lost.
- Yo mama's so fat, instead of wearing Levis 501 jeans, she wears Levis 1002's.
- Yo mama's so fat, at the zoo, elephants started throwing her peanuts.
- Yo mama's so fat, she puts on lipstick with a paint roller.
- Yo mama's so fat, she's got more rolls than a bakery.
- Yo mama's so fat, she was floating in the ocean, and Spain claimed her as a new world.
- Yo mama's so fat, she could sell shade.
- Yo mama's so fat, that when God said "Let there be Light", he told her to move her fat ass out of the way.
- Yo mama's so fat, when I finished having sex with her and tried to roll off, I was still on her.
- Yo mama's so fat, when I have sex with her, I have to slap her ass and ride the wave in.
- Yo mama's so fat, when she bends over, we go into daylight savings time.
- Yo mama's so fat, the telephone company gave her two area codes.
- Yo mama's so fat, when she backs up, she beeps.
- Yo mama's so fat, when she takes a shower, her feet don't get wet.
- Yo mama's so fat, she bumps into people when she's sitting down.
- Yo mama's so fat, when your father mounts her, his ears pop.



Yo mama's so ugly



- Yo mama's so ugly, she's like Taco Bell. When people see her, they run for the border.
- Yo mama's so ugly, it looks like her neck threw up.
- Yo mama's so ugly, rice crispies won't even talk to her.
- Yo mama's so ugly, she scares people even with the lights out.
- Yo mama's so ugly, they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
- Yo mama's so ugly, when your dad wants to have sex in the car, he tells her to get out.
- Yo mama's so ugly, that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
- Yo mama's so ugly, I took her to the zoo, guy at the door said "Thanks for bringing her back."
- Yo mama's so ugly, I can fuck her in any position and its still doggy style.



Yo mama's so stupid



-Your mother is so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.
-Your mother is so stupid, she tripped over a cordless telephone!
-Your mothers so stupid, she bought airline tickets to the Jets game.
- Yo mama's so stupid, she asked you "What is the number for 911?"
- Yo mama's so stupid, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
- Yo mama's so stupid, she sold the car for gas money.
- Yo mama's so stupid, that under "Education" on her job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics".
- Yo mama's so stupid, she failed her blood test.
- Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company.
- Yo mama's so stupid, she spent twenty minutes lookin' at an orange juice box because it said concentrate.
- Yo mama's so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind.
- Yo mama's so stupid, she gave birth to you.
- Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks fruit punch is a gay boxer.
- Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks sexual battery is something in a dildo.
- Yo mama's so stupid, she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
- Yo mama's so stupid, she was on the corner giving out potato chips yellin' "Free Lays!"
- Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to throw a bird off a cliff.
- Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to drown a fish.
- Yo mama's so stupid, when the computer said "Press any key to continue", she couldn't find the 'Any' key.
- Yo mama's so stupid, she wiped her ass before she took a shit.
- Yo mama's so stupid, she went to Dr. Dre for a pap smear.
- Yo mama's so stupid, when I was drowning and yelled for a life saver, she said "Cherry or grape?"
- Yo mama's so stupid, she sold the house to pay the mortgage.



Yo mama's like...



- Yo mama's like a T.V., even a two-year-old could turn her on.
- Yo mama's like a bowling ball. She's picked up, fingered, and then thrown in the gutter.
- Yo mama's like a rifle...four cocks and she's loaded.
- Yo mama's like a bubble gum machine...five cents a blow.
- Yo mama's like Chinese food...sweet, sour, and cheap.
- Yo mama's like a birthday cake, everybody gets a piece.
- Yo mama's like Burger King... Your way, right away.
- Yo mama's like a squirrel, she's always got some nuts in her mouth.
- Yo mama's like 7-Eleven... open all night, hot to go, and for 89 cents you can get a slurpy.
- Yo mama's like a toilet, fat, white, and smells like shit.
- Yo mama's like the Bermuda Triangle, they both swallow a lot of seamen.
- Yo mama's like a street lamp, you can find her turned on at night on any street corner.
- Yo mama's like a telephone booth, open to the public, costs a quarter, and guys go in and out all day.
- Yo mama's like a 747, she has a very large cockpit.
- Yo mama's like a microwave, one button and she's hot.
- Yo mama's like speakers, loud, ugly, lives in a box, and you can turn her up, down, on, and off.
- Yo mama's like a mail box, open day and night.
- Yo mama's like a bag of potato chips, "Free-To-Lay."
- Yo mama's like a turtle, once she's on her back she's fucked.
- Yo mama's like a paper towel, she picks up all kinds of slimy wet stuff.
- Yo mama's like a bowling ball, you can fit three fingers in.
- Yo mama's like a bowling ball, she always winds up in the gutter.
- Yo mama's like cheap liquor, tastes like shit.
- Yo mama's like an aircraft carrier, has a flat top, a big bottom, cruises up and down the coast, and picks up 100 sailors in every port.
- Yo mama's like a bus, guys climb on and off her all day long.
- Yo mama's like a Christmas tree, everybody hangs balls on her.
- Yo mama's like a door knob, everybody gets a turn.
- Yo mama's like Dominoes Pizza, something for nothing.
- Yo mama's like Dominoes Pizza, one call does it all.
- Yo mama's like Pizza Hut, if she isn't there in 30 minutes... it's free.
- Yo mama's like Sprint, 10 cents a minute anywhere in the country.
- Yo mama's like a carpenter's dream, flat as a board and easy to nail.
- Yo mama's like a gas station... you gotta pay before you pump.
- Yo mama's like a goalie: she changes her pads after three periods.
- Yo mama's like a light switch, even a little kid can turn her on.
- Yo mama's like a telephone, even a 3 year old can pick her up.
- Yo mama's like a postage stamp, you lick her, stick her, then send her away.
- Yo mama's like a dollar bill, she gets handled all across the country.
- Yo mama's like a brick, dirty, flat on both sides, and always getting laid by Mexicans.
- Yo mama's like a race car driver... she burns a lot of rubbers.
- Yo mama's like a railroad track, she gets laid all over the country.
- Yo mama's like a screen door, after a couple of bangs she loosens up.
- Yo mama's like a shotgun, one cock and she blows.
- Yo mama's like a Toyota, "OOooh what a feeling!"
- Yo mama's like a vacuum cleaner... a real good suck.
- Yo mama's like a vacuum cleaner... she sucks, blows, and then gets laid in the closet.
- Yo mama's like an ice cream cone... everyone gets a lick.
- Yo mama's like the Panama Canal, vessels full of seamen pass through her everyday.
- Yo mama's like a refrigerator, everyone puts their meat in her.
- Yo mama's like cake mix, 15 servings per package!
- Yo mama's like an elevator, guys go up and down on her all day.
- Yo mama's like Denny's... open 24 hours.
- Yo mama's like McDonalds... Billions and Billions served.
- Yo mama's like McDonalds... What you want is what you get.
- Yo mama's like mustard, she spreads easy.
- Yo mama's like the Pillsbury dough boy... everybody pokes her.
- Yo mama's like lettuce, $1 a head.
- Yo mama's like a hardware store, 25 cents a screw.



Misc.



- I saved yo mama's life today... I killed a shit-eating dog on the way over.
- I could have been yo daddy but the monkey beat me up the stairs.
- I could have been yo daddy, but the monkey in front of me in line didn't use a condom.
- If my dog had a face as ugly as yo mama's, I'd shave his ass and make him walk backwards.
- The difference between yo mama and a jumbo jet: not everyone's been on a jumbo jet.
- The difference between yo mama and a bowling ball : You can only fit three fingers in a bowling ball.
- The difference between Yo mama and a pretzel is that a pretzel doesn't have my nuts on it's chin.
- I know yo mama's favorite day at work is "Take your son to work day." I bet you had fun testing condoms.
- I'm gonna cut yo mama down so hard crack couldn't get her high.
- You suck, yo sista' sucks, and Yo mama would suck too... If I had a nickel.
- You suck... your mom does too but she charges.
- I don't have a mama... My dad and I just use yours.
- Tell yo mama to stop wearing different color lipstick, because I have a rainbow dick.
- Why is it yo mama won't take my money? Does she just like sucking my dick?
-Your mother is such a whore, the only reason she wears panties is to keep her ankles warm!
- Let's get off moms, 'cause I just got off yours.
- Let's get off moms, 'cause she can't handle those five men on her now.

[primera man]

HAHAHAHA.....THEY ARE F***** GOOD !!!!
I'm pissing my self laughing.

I cant want to see the mother in law again....but i'll be laughing that much i wont be able to talk to her

[DVSNCYNIKL]

The DVS one has spoken!!

[primera man]

Showed the mother in law these....DVSNCYNIKL....SHE WANTS YOUR BLOOD :finger:

[DVSNCYNIKL]

Originally posted by primera man
Showed the mother in law these....DVSNCYNIKL....SHE WANTS YOUR BLOOD :finger:

YOU DID WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!