Morons need education too!

[carrrnuttt]

http://entertainment.tv.yahoo.com/ne...115480004.html


Educator Opens New College For Morons!
Thursday December 11, 2003

WHEN students proudly graduate from the University for the Intellectually Challenged, they'll toss dunce caps in the air -- because it's the nation's first college exclusively for morons!
Harrison Jeder, a distinguished former Ivy League professor, founded the unique institution in Cambridge, Mass., after becoming disgusted at how top colleges compete for brainy high school students while closing their doors to dimwits.
"It's unfair and discriminatory to bar dumb people from higher education," Jeder argues.
"Conventional wisdom on this topic has it all wrong. Think about it. If you're not very bright, don't you in fact need additional schooling more than someone with a genius IQ who could probably succeed in the world even without a degree?
"At the school I've founded, we turn down anyone with a C average or over. Those with SAT scores over 600 are also not admitted.
"Students must maintain a 1.5 GPA or below. If their average goes above that for more than a semester, they are expelled and directed to the nearest junior college, where mediocrity is welcome."
Construction of the facility has already begun, and if all goes according to plan, the new college -- just a few miles from prestigious Harvard -- will be ready to accept applicants for the fall 2004 term.
Jeder says funding has come primarily from rich donors who are no rocket scientists themselves.
"Our biggest benefactors are people who became wealthy through inheritance, but whose grades were so rotten they couldn't get into any college in America -- even when their parents donated whole buildings," the professor explains.
"They want to make sure that every less-than-intelligent student in this country has the chance to earn a degree."
The curriculum at UIC will be specifically geared toward intellectual featherweights, with courses such as these:

• Philosophy of the Ernest Movies.
• Is the Moon the Sun at Night? And Six Other Questions Answered: Astronomy 101.
• Anthropology, from Gilligan's Island to Survivor.
• How Girls Really Pee: Introduction to Sexual Reproduction.
• Big Words and When to Use Them.
• Geography of the Campus.

"We'll be using a lot of visual aids, videos and props such as stuffed animals, and comparatively few books," Jeder reveals.
"I've told the many fine professors whom I've convinced to come aboard that we have to think in terms of the techniques you'd use to educate a very intelligent chimpanzee."
Some snooty intellectuals in the academic community scoff at the new college, which they derisively refer to as "Moron U."
"The lamebrains who graduate from Moron U may have some kind of degree they can tack up on their walls, but who's going to hire someone with that place on their resume?" asks a Harvard department chairman who requested anonymity.
Nevertheless, even though applications won't be accepted until February, boneheaded young folks nationwide are already calling up to find out how they can join the school.
Shana R., a self-described "dummy" from Pensacola, Fla., says attending UIC would be a dream come true.
"I love the idea of being around kids who are just as dumb as I am," the 20-year-old high-school senior enthuses. "So when I ask a question, everyone doesn't scream, 'Duh, stupid!'"

[RSX-S777]

It's already been done...it's called UMASS...

[Steel]

Originally Posted by RSX-S777

It's already been done...it's called UMASS...

HAHAHAHA!!! Too true!!

[HogieGT-R]

I just thought that UMASS was just there for kids to smoke, drink, and have wild sex....that's all that seems to happen around there especially down in Amherst.....Moron U...what a classic..but really who would hire a graduate from this supposed "college"?! I mean seriously what a bad move for any corporation....

[YogsVR4]

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[RSX-S777]

Originally Posted by HogieGT-R

I just thought that UMASS was just there for kids to smoke, drink, and have wild sex....that's all that seems to happen around there...

Pardon me, but I take offense! I attended the prestigious UMASS Amherst and certainly did more than just smoke, drink and have sex. I also slept, ate and played some hackey-sack.

[HogieGT-R]

still i consider it Party University.......

[Steel]

RSX: You went to that damned place? And made it through too? I could only stand it a year and a half. The bullshit was too much for me.

[speediva]

Shit, we've got not one, but two of those schools in PA... One is called Indiana University of PA... or IUP... which also means "I usually party". Then there's my "lovely" institution, which although a party school for frat assholes, is more like Moron U... TRUST ME.

[RSX-S777]

Originally Posted by Steel

RSX: You went to that damned place? And made it through too? I could only stand it a year and a half. The bullshit was too much for me.

I don't believe it either. It's a good school for Botany, though. I actually had a great time- so many hot Long Island girls.
Later on I went to a private College and missed the diversity (and anarchy). The quality of education, however, was beyond compare....

[tonioseven]

Lol!! "How Girls Really Pee: Introduction to Sexual Reproduction."

[taranaki]

Originally Posted by tonioseven

Lol!! "How Girls Really Pee:

Well,I must confess,I'm stumped with one aspect of this one.As a curious and fun-loving sort of person I've made it my personal responsibility to look at this issue from all angles[there are plenty of instructional pictures relating to the biology of women on the internet].

The one aspect of the whole deal that puzzles me is,why when women are out in public,is it neccesary for them to go pump it out in groups of 3 or more?Is there a secret to this mysterious 'team peeing'?Are women's restrooms such evil places that they dare not pee withou bodyguards present?Maybe it's more fun piddling while suspended uopside down,and the two friends are there for support...?


Can't say that I understand it at all...

[zebrathree]

So wheres this Party Uni? And where do I sign up?

I reackon my accent will get me ALL the girls.

Its NZs way of invasion.

[dayna240sx]

Originally Posted by taranaki

The one aspect of the whole deal that puzzles me is,why when women are out in public,is it neccesary for them to go pump it out in groups of 3 or more?Is there a secret to this mysterious 'team peeing'?Are women's restrooms such evil places that they dare not pee withou bodyguards present?Maybe it's more fun piddling while suspended uopside down,and the two friends are there for support...?


Can't say that I understand it at all...

its a way for us women to talk about all the stuff we dont want you men hearing.

[ROB3000GTVR4]

Originally Posted by RSX-S777

It's already been done...it's called UMASS...

Damn that's a kick in the sack..