Save the Dam beavers!

[Ricochet]

Sounds like something I would reply with. This is worth the long dam read

This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Michigan
Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. This guy's
response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the
response letter.

************************************************** ***********************

SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality
that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced
parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or
contractor who did the following unauthorized activity: Construction and
maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring
Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.
A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been
issued.


Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in
violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource
and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994,
being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws,
annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially
failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at
downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently
hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you
to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the
stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming
the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed
no later than January 31, 2003.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so
that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to
comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site
may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.

We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.
Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely,
David L. Price, District Representative
Land and Water Management Division
************************************************** ********************

Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries---

************************************************** *********************
Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.

Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond
to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget,
Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the process of constructing
and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my
Spring Pond.

While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I
think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of
natures building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your
department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any
place you choose.

I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their
dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam
persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must
first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam
activity.

My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate
against my Spring Pond Beavers, or (2) do you require all beavers
throughout this State to conform to said dam request? If you are not
discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of
Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable
beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there
really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the
Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public
Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan
Compiled Laws, annotated.

I have several concerns. My first concern is; aren't the beavers
entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially
destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State
will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern
that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event,
causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the
Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the
Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam
names.

If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please
contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they
obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable
to read English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build
their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and
water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and
enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and
Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the
natural
resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams). So, as far as the
beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more
elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2003? The
Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way
for you
or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real
environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears!
Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should
be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you
are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are
not careful where they dump!) Being unable to comply with your dam
request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I
am sending this response to your dam office.

THANK YOU.

RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS

[CZ-R]

Saw this a couple weeks ago, thought about posting it but didn't cuz it is/was hella long.

Still really funny though

[YogsVR4]

A couple weeks ago? Try several times over the last couple decades - it is a good one though

[Atomis27]

Pretty dam funny.

[jOYRiDe]

i like beavers

[Oz]

Too long. Gimme the gist

[TrailerParkJake]

cliffs notes on this whole damn thread

[jOYRiDe]

bear poop?

[TrailerParkJake]

yogi berra poop?

[jOYRiDe]

ummmmm... what?

[TrailerParkJake]

ummm who knows, whats up?

[Sean]

LOL... good dam letter.

[Marc-OS]

Summary:

Guy gets a letter from the state saying he's got two dams on his property that are causing backups in the stream, and excess debris when it floods. The letter asks him to remove the damns

Guy write a letter to them explaining that it's the beavers that are making the dams and that they should be hassling the beavers.

Not very funny if you read the summary. The real hilarity is in the original post.

[TheNotoriousMogg]

Originally Posted by YogsVR4

A couple weeks ago? Try several times over the last couple decades - it is a good one though

Not everyone has been around several decades like you "old skool"