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| COMPLETELY off-topic Talk about anything other than cars. But you can't be mad and angry in this forum! |
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#1
08-23-2003, 01:59 AM
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New Employment Rules
New employment rules
SICKDAYS We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to get to the doctor, you are able to come into work. SURGERY Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider having anything removed. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment. HOLIDAYS Each employee will receive 104 holidays per year. They are called Saturday and Sunday. BEREAVEMENT LEAVE This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends or relatives. Every effort should be made to have non-employees to attend to arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled for the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch-hour subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done. ABSENT FOR YOUR OWN DEATH This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice to allow time for you to train your own replacement. TOILET USE Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance; All employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8.00 to 8.20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8.20 to 8.40 and so on. If you are unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a co-worker. Both worker's supervisor's must approve this exchange in writing. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the toilets. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper will retract, and the door will open. LUNCH BREAK Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slimfast and take a diet pill. DRESS CODE It is advised that you must come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing designer clothing we will assume that you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a payrise. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations, or input should be directed elsewhere. Have a nice day The Management
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#2
08-23-2003, 02:40 AM
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 ok not really but you always do that too mine  good one tho 
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#3
08-23-2003, 07:37 AM
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Gee OZ since when did you get a copy of the NZ Employment Guidelines?
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You don't own a Skyline, then don't cry to me about it! 1992 Silver R32 GTR tickled to 450hp. - Sold when I left NZ in 2004 Arguing on the Internet is like competing in the special olympics. Even if you win, you're still retarded. Never confuse kindess with weakness. AF user guidelines, Please remember to abide by them  
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