What to do?

[turbo2nr]

hello all.

i need some advice. here is the situation. i been going out with this girl for almost 8 months now. i get along real well with her. i can open up to her and she understand me well. she puts me in a good mood when i am down and i do the same for her. i think i really like her. but here the problem she has alot of issues with her self and she keeps putting her self down for no reason some times and then when the person you love is down you also become down. and to make matters worse she lives far from me in connutict (i know i spelt it wrong) and i live in new york so it is a long distance relationship. i talk to her everyday on my cell phone.

so i am at the point of breaking up with her.

i just cant take her being down all the time, i try very very hard to help her and make her feel better but it doesnt work any more. and i think now i jus make her unhappy, even tho she says im the best thing that ever happend to her i think im not and that she needs someont that can be there physically for her. she deserves better. but it is just so hard to let go of some one you really care about. but i want to see her happy even if it isnt with me.

so what do i do? do i let her go even if she doesnt want to leave or should i stay and continue fight with her and bearly gettin to see her?

thanks alot

1

[lordvektra]

if ya really love her keep it up. The biggest problem is long distance is very hard, I have been there and kind of still am. When the girl is very emotional and has low self-esteem it makes it even worse. If you have any chance in getting to be with her as in you can see her at least once a week I would say go for it, but if she’s always unhappy and not making you any happier its not worth trying to keep it going no mater what your distance is. You will not be completely unhappy with the one that’s for you, everyone will have hard times, that’s unavoidable but if that’s the one right for you it will be well worth the trouble.

[Carguy393]

I agree with a lot of what lord vectra said. You just need to tell her how you feel. When she puts herself down in front of you disagree with her and make sure there is no doubt in her mind that you think that whatever she said about herself is completely wrong. Dont tell her that she is wrong tell her that you think what she said is wrong. Most importantly just be supportive of her.

It almost sounds like she is depressed about something from the way she has changed. At some point in time it might be benefical to sit down and talk with her about it face to face. Remember though that if you do this then respect her opinion. just say "I think" or "I feel" not "you should" or "You are" ect.

[turbo2nr]

yes i do all of that, i always consider her feeling and many times i put her feeling in fornt of mines.

i always try to bring ehr back up when she puts ehr slef down. i try so hard but there only so much some 1 can do for another. i really love her i've been with her for almost 8 months now. I only get to see her once a month and that really sucks. i have no car so i cant go visit her, her parents come down once a month to ny and thats how i get to see her.

she makes me happy to a extent. but then she can make me very very sad. im so confused right now i dont know what to do.. i really love her but things dont seem to be going right anymore..

1

[Carguy393]

It will be a lot easier when you get a car. That will make it easier to see her but my question is what does she do to make you sad?

[Marc-OS]

You definetely need to be with her more than just once a month. If you really want to know where your relationship is at, you need to try and spend the weekend together, like all day for two days. I think after that you will have a good idea of where you stand, and where she stands in the relationship.

[accent gsi]

i had the same trouble, i was influenced by her mood. If the relation isn't good for both of you, its better to cut it off. I you have more bad times than good times, and you know you're not helping her answer falls by its own weight.

However, the most important thing to do its to talk... no that stupid things of "indirects", like "...i don't talk to you but im sad, i don't know why, don't worry, its all ok..". Always talk.

If you wanna keep her, avoid being influeced by the way she feels. If she's down try to help her instead of being sad too... try to make her laught, tell her your kid stories, whatever... just don't get the silence or anger to invade the phone, that's the worst thing to happen.

good luck...

[turbo2nr]

hey thanks alot everyone!!!

we decided we will work it out.. since i dont have a car yett and i wont be gettin one till december i will take the bus every other weekend up there and she will come when ever she can..

thanks for all your advice..

the thing that be makin me sad is when she puts ehr self down and says negative things aobut her self but i help her.. i tell her she is not like she says and she relaizes that she s not.. i make her laught.. we talk alot.. thats one thing that isn't wrong wit us..

thanks alot peeps.

1

[zebrathree]

Maybe its the gangsta crap. Seriously, this isnt the appropriate place for gangsta shit. I have a hatred of organised crime you see, and that crap annoys me.

Onto your problem. Talk to her, like the others have said. Or give her an ultimatium (sp). You or her clingly crap.

[turbo2nr]

Thanks for the advice.
but...

zebrathree what "gansta" crap are you refering to??

i dont come in here and go
"a yo wats poppin homie i got madd probz and ish wid my shorty and boo got me maddd stressed.."

look if it annoys you just ignore it, it is a free forum and they have many different people from all over the world here.. if the way some one types and refers to things doesnt offend anyone then it should be a problem. I am not sayin you in general and i dont mean to offend any one but if people dont like the way other's type then just dont post about it b\c it makes no sence.. if it offends some one then they have a point but if it doesnt there is no need to complain about it

1

[Mrock]

Soon to have a 96 Mitsu' Eclipse GSX? I love those cars, except that 95 and 96's are the years that crankwalk the most...so that's kind of a bitter love. Just a bit off-topic comment I had. Good luck with your problems..I recently moved, and now I live 2,000 miles away from a girl I am completely in love with...