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| COMPLETELY off-topic Talk about anything other than cars. But you can't be mad and angry in this forum! |
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#1
05-24-2003, 06:10 AM
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A challenge to Yogs
Beat THESE for lame!
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says "dam" ********** Two peanuts walk into a bar One was a salted. ********** A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." ********** A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here." ********** A dyslexic man walks into a bra. ********** A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road." ********** Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant. ********** Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?" ********** Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doc. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it." ********** "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'." That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not unusual." ********** Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" ********** A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Glad Wrap shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts." ********** Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..." ********** Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullsh#t before ********** A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy" ********** Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad......or maybe my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I'm pretty sure it's Colin. ********** I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any ********** I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, 'no, the steaks are too high.' ********** My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by a strong currant. ********* A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied,"I know you can't, I've cut your arms off". ********* A man walks into doctor's office. "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc. "It's... um... well... I have five penises." replies the man. "Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?" "Like a glove." ********** Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself. ********** What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fish ********** Two fish are in a tank One says to the other "I'll man the guns, you drive" ********** What's brown and sticky? A brown stick ********** What looks like a red bucket? A red bucket
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#2
05-24-2003, 07:43 AM
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What stole the cake of soap?
The Robber Duck What do you give a sick lemon? Lemon-aid What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? I lost my tractor
__________________
Check out my Pride and joy in AF- and discuss your favourite Alfa Romeo  2007 Audi A4 3.0 TDI Le Mans
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#3
05-24-2003, 11:50 AM
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Challenge - accepted!
 Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire. Thus we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- WOODY: "Hey Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you." NORM: "I know, if she calls, I'm not here." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q. What do you call a man floating behind a boat? A. Bob -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q. What do you call a man hanging on the wall? A. Art -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q. What do you call a man on a grill? A. Frank -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q. What do you call a woman on a grill? A. Patty -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q. What do you call two men above a window? A. Curt 'n' Rod -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q. What do you call a man on your front porch? A. Matt -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q. What do you call a man in the ditch? A. Phil -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q. What do you call a woman with one leg? A. Eileene
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Resistance Is Futile (If < 1ohm)
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#4
05-24-2003, 11:59 AM
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OH MAN!! Must speak worlds about my intelligence that I actually found a lot of those to be pretty funny!!! Nice! :sun:
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#6
05-24-2003, 07:23 PM
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Re: A challenge to Yogs
"I scream, you scream, we all scream, because we're paranoid."
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 Support America's dependence on foreign oil - drive an SUV! "At Ford, job number one is quality. Job number two is making your car explode." - Norm McDonald. If you find my signature offensive - feel free to get a sense of humor.
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#7
05-24-2003, 08:42 PM
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Yogs wins hands down.
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Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
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#8
05-24-2003, 09:10 PM
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I second that.....sorry OZ...
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Aren't you that kid my older brother used to throw dog shit at? Beamer: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?ai...4&id=761900240
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#9
05-24-2003, 10:59 PM
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I gotta go with Yogs. Some of Oz's actually required some thinking...
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#10
05-24-2003, 11:48 PM
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Re: A challenge to Yogs
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Reminds me of my favorite joke...the tractor one
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 ________________________________________ Mark Brown 1991 Volkswagen Jetta (1.8L I4/5-speed/FWD)
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#12
05-25-2003, 08:55 AM
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I come back at you with this:
Apparently a teacher has been arrested in Sydney, Australia, in possession of compasses, protractor, slide rule, and straight edge. It is claimed that he is a member of the Al-Gebra movement who are known to bear weapons of math instruction.
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#13
05-25-2003, 11:20 AM
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All were pretty good but Yogs took the cake. In my book you guys both won though, here's 2 trophy's for you guys.......:finger:
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"SHIFT_"   
Last edited by MaximusGTR; 05-25-2003 at 06:11 PM.
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#15
05-25-2003, 09:43 PM
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That'll teach you for chalenging Yogs to be lame
__________________
Check out my Pride and joy in AF- and discuss your favourite Alfa Romeo 2007 Audi A4 3.0 TDI Le Mans
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