some jokes

[Midnight Racer]

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After being nearly snowbound for two weeks last winter, a Seattle man
departed for his vacation in Miami Beach, where he was to meet his wife the next day at the conclusion of her business trip to Minneapolis. They were looking forward to pleasant weather and a nice time together.

Unfortunately, there was some sort of mix-up at the boarding gate, and the man was told he would have to wait for a later flight. He tried to appeal to a supervisor but was told the airline was not responsible for the problem and it would do no good to complain.

Upon arrival at the hotel the next day, he discovered that Miami Beach was having a heat wave, and its weather was almost as uncomfortably hot as Seattle's was cold. The desk clerk gave him a message that his wife would arrive as planned. He could hardly wait to get to the pool area to cool off, and quickly sent his wife an e-mail, but due to his haste, he made an error in the e-mail address. His message therefore arrived at the home of an elderly preacher's wife whose even older husband had died only the day before!

When the grieving widow opened her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out an anguished scream, and fell to the floor dead. Her family rushed to her room where they saw this message on the screen:

Dearest wife,

Departed yesterday as you know. Just now got checked in. Some confusion at the gate. Appeal was denied. Received confirmation of your arrival tomorrow.


Your loving husband.

PS - Things are not as we thought. You're going to be surprised at how
hot it is down here.

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Ever notice how a 4 year old's voice is louder than 200 adult voices? Away From Home: Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a storm hit with crashing thunder and severe lightning. As I came into my bedroom about 2 a.m., I found my two children in bed with my wife, Karey, apparently scared by the loud storm. I resigned myself to sleep in the guest bedroom that night.

The next day, I talked to the children and said it was O.K. to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but when I was expected home, please don't sleep with Mom that night.

They said OK. After my next trip several weeks later, Karey and the children picked me up in the terminal. As I entered the waiting area, my son saw me, and came running shouting, "Hi, Dad! I've got some good news!" As I waved back, I said loudly, "What's the good news?" "Nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this time!" Alex shouted. The airport became very quiet, as everyone in the waiting area looked at Alex, then turned to me, and then searched the rest of the area to see if they could figure out exactly who his Mom was.

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Ole and Sven are neighbors in Wisconsin. Ole is
in need of a new milk cow. He hears about a
nice one for sale over the border in Minnesota.

He drives over to Minnesota, looks at the cow,
and reaches under to see
if she gives milk. When he grabs the teat and
pulls, the cow farts.

Ole is very surprised, looks at the farmer who is
selling the cow, and
reaches under the cow to try again. He grabs
another teat, pulls, and the
cow farts again. Milk does come out, however, so
after some discussion,
Ole decides to buy the cow anyway and take it
home.

He calls over his neighbor, Sven, and says, "Come
here and look at dis new
cow I just bought. Pull her teat, and see what
happens."

Sven reaches under and pulls; the cow farts. Sven
looks at Ole and says, "You bought this cow in Minnesota,
yah?"

Ole is very surprised and says, "Yah, dats right,
how did you know?"

Sven says, "My wife is from Minnesota."

[90EX]

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