Let's start a joke thread

[FlippiN.af]

Originally Posted by bh04

I never read through all of the posts but i'll give it a try. Hopefully this ones hasn't been said.

An elephant walks up to a camel and says, "Now i've seen it all, you seem to have breasts on your back." The camel replied, "thats funny coming from someone who has there d**k attatched to there face."

It was funny the first time I heard it.

Hehehe......



I'm sorry but thats all I could get out.

[FlippiN.af]

A woman storms into a pet shop demanding her money back from the owner. “You sold me this frog and told me it would be able to satisfy all my sexual desires!”
The clerk tries to calm her down and asks, “Did you do what I told you to do?”
“Yes, dammit! I got naked, lay back on my bed, and put him between my legs just like you said, and he did nothing!” she shouts.
The owner, looking confused, replies, “It’s a perfectly trained frog. I can’t understand what’s wrong.”
He takes the woman and the frog to a back room in the shop, where he places the frog on a small table next to a bed and asks the woman to please lie down and remove her panties.
“What?” she shouts. Turning to the frog, he says, “Now watch carefully, because this is the last time I’m showing you this!”

[666_speed]

i saw this joke today and started laughing and everyone just looked at me like i was stupid...
A man goes to church to pray for his gambling addiction to be cured. God answers his prayers, but says he must gamble one more time, and whatever he wins, he must give half to the church.
The man agrees and heads to the nearest casino.
He sits down at the blackjack table.
He gets a 2 and a 5. He has 7.
"What should I do God?" He asks.
"Take a hit." God replies.
The man takes a hit, he gets a 5, he has 12.
"What should I do God?" He asks.
"Take a hit." God replies.
He takes another hit, he gets a 4. He has 16.
"What should I do God?" He asks.
"Take a hit." God replies.
He takes another hit, a 3. He has 19.
"What should I do God?" He asks.
"Take a hit." God replies.
The man takes another hit, he gets an Ace! 20!
"What should I do God?" He asks.
"Take a hit." God replies.
The man takes another hit, ANOTHER ACE! He has 21!!
At this point Gods screaming "UNFUCKING BELIEVABLE!"

[clawhammer]

I don't get that last one.

[FlippiN.af]

A couple of jokes:
A man wearing a stovepipe hat, a fake beard, and a waistcoat sits down at a bar and orders a drink.

“Goin’ to a party?” the bartender asks.

“Yeah,” the man replies, “I’m supposed to go dressed as my love life.”

“But you look like Abe Lincoln.”

“That’s right. My last four scores were seven years ago.”
__________________________________________________ _
A policeman passes a parking lot around midnight and notices a couple inside a parked car. He stops to investigate and sees a man in the driver’s seat and a young lady sitting in the backseat, quietly reading a magazine.

The officer knocks on the driver’s window and asks what’s going on.

“Listening to music,” the guy says.

Pointing toward the young lady in the backseat, the officer asks, “And what’s she doing?”

“Reading a magazine, of course.”

“How old are you?” asks the officer.

“I’m 28.”

“And how old is she?”

The guy looks at his watch and says, “Well, in 11 minutes she’ll be 18.”

[FlippiN.af]

It’s the spring of 1959, and Bobby arrives at his date’s house to take her to a dance. When he knocks on the door, her dad answers.

“Have a seat,” the old man says. “Peggy Sue will be ready in a minute.” The dad grabs Bobby a cold beer, and the two sit down together. “You know,” the dad says, “my daughter really loves to screw. She just loves to work up a sweat.” He smiles proudly and winks at Bobby, who has nearly choked on his beer. “Yup, yup,” the dad continues. “She loves that screwing. Just can’t get enough of it.”

When Peggy Sue comes down the stairs, Bobby hurries her out the door to his car. Five minutes later, she comes running back inside. “Damn it, Daddy!” she screams. “The twist! It’s called the twist!”

[clawhammer]

^Don't get that one either.

[FlippiN.af]

Originally Posted by clawhammer

^Don't get that one either.

You seriously don't get it. The dad got the dance the "twist" mixed-up w/ the word "screw." The boy & the girl went outside to the car, and I guess since he thought she liked to "screw", he made a move on her. The girl comes back inside mad and tells her dad its "twist."

I finally realize this joke isn't written out well enough to be understood (Gotten) So w/e.

[Damien]

Got it, a little weak, but i got it.

[clawhammer]

I didn't know that twist was a dance.

[mike1224]

Originally Posted by clawhammer

I didn't know that twist was a dance.

dude, ask your parents...... thats how old this dance is.

[clawhammer]

Five surgeons are discussing the best kinds of patients on whom to operate...­

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountant­s on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."­

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricia­ns. Everything inside them is color-code­d."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetic­al order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in, "You know, I like constructi­on workers. They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon shuts them all up when he observes, "The French are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls and no spine. Plus the head and ass are interchang­eable."

[FlippiN.af]

^ Nice one..

[FlippiN.af]

A Few Jokes
A man takes his stepdaughter to the free clinic. He tells the doctor, "My stepdaughter needs to be on birth control." The doctor replies, "Is she sexually active?" To which the man replies, "Hell no! She just lies there like her mother."
__________________________________________________ ________________
After a long day at work, a man realized it was his anniversary. He raced to Victoria's Secret and asked for the sheerest thing they had. He purchased the nightgown for $400 and raced home. He ran inside and told his wife, "Go upstairs and put this on." She went upstairs and opened her gift. She lifted the gown out and was stunned that it was transparent. She figured it would be just as good to just walk downstairs naked because her husband wouldn't even notice, and she could return the gown for a refund in the morning. As she walked down the stairs, the husband exclaimed, "Damn—for $400, you'd think they'd at least iron the damn thing!"
__________________________________________________ ________________
A drunk guy walks into a bar, goes over to a woman standing at the jukebox, and grabs her ass.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” the woman screams.

“I’m sorry,” replies the drunk. “I thought you were my wife!”

“Why, you drunken, worthless, insufferable asshole!” she yells.

“See? You sound just like her.”
__________________________________________________ _______________

[vinnym86]

Originally Posted by Flippin.AF

A man takes his stepdaughter to the free clinic. He tells the doctor, "My stepdaughter needs to be on birth control." The doctor replies, "Is she sexually active?" To which the man replies, "Hell no! She just lies there like her mother."

that one caught me so offguard, i just stood there with my jaw dropped, lol

second one was almost as good, but the third one was ok.