quickie joke.

two men walk into a bar.
you would have thought one of them would have seen it.
:lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2:

chris

uuuuuuhhhhhh. dderrrrrrr.
Now that is ol' skool to ancient people.

Making really bad jokes should be a bannable offence :twak:

:banhim:

Pay them no mind, nicecar, THAT was a riddle (mine!) in your riddle thread... Oh, well, we be banned together, dude...

So, three nuns die and find themselves outside the Pearly Gates with St. Peter to greet them. He explains that before anyone can enter, each has to answer a biblical question.

Turning to the first nun, St. Peter says, "Your biblical question is, 'Who was the first man on earth?'" The nun says, "Oh, that's easy, 'Adam!'" Lighting flashed, thunder rolled, the Pearly Gates open and she walks in.

Turning to the second nun, St. Peter says, "Your biblical question is, 'Who was the first woman on earth?'" The nun says, "Oh, that's easy, 'Eve!'" Lighting flashed, thunder rolled, the Pearly Gates open and she walks in.

Turning to the third nun, St. Peter says, "Your biblical question is, 'What were Eve's first words to Adam?'" The nun says, "Oh, that's hard!'" Lighting flashed, thunder rolled, the Pearly Gates open and she walks in.

:slap: It's supposed to be blondes...

Making really bad jokes should be a bannable offence :twak:
Or at least only performed by Tonio, a trained professional.

Jon, how did you get on the internet? did you find a key??

:slap: It's supposed to be blondes...
Hahahahaha!!! I should've posted that in the blonde joke thread, huh?

I did right before i read this thread.

another joke-

a girl is falling asleep in sunday school and the teacher asks her a question.

"who is our one leader?"
the boy behind her pokes her with a pin and she says:
"good lord"
"good" the teacher replied.

the teacher asked her another question:
"who is our savior?"
the boy behing pokes her again with the pin and she shouts:
"JESUS CHRIST!!!"
"good again" said the teacher

the teacher asked her a last question:
"what did eve say to adam after she had her 22nd baby?"
again the boy pokes her and she says:
"IF YOU PUT THAT IN ME AGAIN I WILL SNAP IT OFF!"

the teacher faints.

lol :smile: :smile: :smile:

I did right before i read this thread.
I just read it...

To become a spook in the CIA, you have to train for 12 weeks, the last week with the CIA Director himself. In this one batch, they are down to three applicants.

The Director turns to the first guy, hands him a gun, points to a door and says, "In that room is your wife. Go in and shoot her." The first guy walks in, shuts the door and comes back out in 2 minutes, hands the Director the gun and states, "I've been married for a month and as much as I would like to be a spy in the CIA, I can't shoot her." The Director takes the gun.

The Director turns to the second guy, hands him the gun, points to another door and says, "In that room is your wife. Go in and shoot her." The second guy walks in, shuts the door and comes back out an hour later, hands the Director the gun and states, "I've been married for 20 years, my wife and I fight like cats and dogs, we hate each other's guts but as much as I would like to be a spy in the CIA, I can't shoot her." The Director takes the gun.

The Director turns to the third guy, hands him the gun, points to still another door and says, "In that room is your wife. Go in and shoot her." The third guy walks in, shuts the door and, immediately, you hear six shots fired in quick succession. Then screaming and yelling, furniture crashing, glass breaking, one loud blood curdling scream, and silence. The third guy walks out, hair disshevelled, shirt torn and covered with blood, hands the Director the gun and states, "Some idiot put blanks in this gun, I had to strangle the bitch."

:lol2:

Jon, how did you get on the internet? did you find a key??
Nah, I'm at Tania's house through Thursday. I have my tower connected to the monitor downstairs and I'm going to see if my mom can call the cable provider and register my tower with an IP. Shouldn't be too hard since we're already paying for that same line. Looks like the rents may be looking at a new computer here shortly.


Anyway, back on topic:

:lol2: :lol2:

A New York stock trader decides to take his two best friends, a California vegetable farmer and a Texas rancher, out to an eat-all-you-can establishment. He instructs the waiter to bring all different cuts of beef and to keep it coming. The waiter states, "Excuse me, but due to the current beef shortage, we're out of Porterhouse."

The Californian says, "What's a 'Porterhouse?'"

The Texan says, "What's a 'shortage?'"

The New Yorker says, "What's 'excuse me?'"

haha, that was pretty good frank.

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly towards a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men and he, immediately, clasped his hands together over his groin, fell to the ground, and proceeded to roll around in moaning in agony.

The women rushed down to the man, and one began to apologise to him. "Please allow me to help. I'm a physio therapist and I know how to relieve your pain if you'd let me."

"Oh, no, I'll be all right, miss... I'll be fine in a few minutes," moaned the man. Still in pain, still lying in the foetal position, still clasping his hands over his groin, he continued to groan. But, she kept persisting until he finally allowed her to help.

She gently took his hands away from his groin, unzipped his pants and slid her hand inside. She began to firmly massage him and after couple of minutes, she asked, “How does that feel?"

He replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like a bitch."

I love that woman. :lol:

A Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin and he's not too experienced himself.

Wedding night, she cowers naked under the bedsheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring, "My darring" he says, "I know this your fus time and you berry frighten. Plomise you, I give you anyting you wan, I do anyting jus anyting you wan, you say. So, whatchou wan?" he says, trying to impress his virgin bride.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently and eagerly for her answer.

Eventually, she replies, shyly and unsure, "I wan ..... numba 69".

This time, it's his turn to be silent. The, in a puzzled tone he asks, "You wan... Beef wif Broccori?"

A Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin and he's not too experienced himself.

Wedding night, she cowers naked under the bedsheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring, "My darring" he says, "I know this your fus time and you berry frighten. Plomise you, I give you anyting you wan, I do anyting jus anyting you wan, you say. So, whatchou wan?" he says, trying to impress his virgin bride.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently and eagerly for her answer.

Eventually, she replies, shyly and unsure, "I wan ..... numba 69".

This time, it's his turn to be silent. The, in a puzzled tone he asks, "You wan... Beef wif Broccori?"

:lol:

This inventor walks up to the barred window of the Patent Office in Wash, DC and notices the bored Patent officer twirling a pencil.

"Excuse me, sir! Sir! I said, excuse me!" The officer walks over and asks, "Yeah, what've you got?" (still twirling his pencil).

Beckoning the Patent officer to come closer, the inventor whispers, "I want to patent my invention. I've invented a fruit!" The officer replies, "Yeah, so have a couple dozen other companies" (still twirling his pencil).

"Yes, but I've invented a fruit with two separate flavours" and proceeds to place a paper bag on the counter. The Patent officer drops his pencil, comes closer, looks in the bag and sees what looks like an apple.

"Go ahead, take a bite!" exclaims the inventor. 'Crunch' and the officer says, "So, it tastes just like an apple."

The inventor smiles and confidently says, "Now try the other side." 'Squish' and the officer exclaims, "Hey, it tastes just like a peach! Man, you're gonna make millions out of this invention!"

"Yeah" says the inventor as-a-matter-of-factly. "I'll make more with this one" and places another paper bag on the counter. "I've invented a fruit that tastes like (whispers) pussy."

"WHAT?!?!" exclaims the officer. He excitedly grabs the paper bag, takes out the fruit (that also looks like an apple) and bites down gingerly, then begins spitting out repeatedly. "This tastes like SHIT!!!"

The inventor smiles and confidently says, "Now try the other side."

:rofl: I take it the inventor is none other than Willy Wonka?

This is one of the best joke threads I've seen on AF.

:thumbsup:

Thread's going so good I'd hate to ruin it with a joke of my own...

Thread's going so good I'd hate to ruin it with a joke of my own...

it started with a bad one....

Yeah but I don't think most people want it to end with a bad one :lol:

So don't put a crappy joke in. Find a good one.

A visiting professor at the University of Montana is giving a seminar on the supernatural.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, “How many people here believe in ghosts?”

About 90 students raise their hands.

“Well that's a good start,” says the professor, “Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?”

About 40 students raise their hands.

“That's really good,” continues the professor, “I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?”

15 students raise their hands.

“That's a great response,” remarks the impressed professor, “has anyone here ever touched a ghost?”

Three students raise their hands.

“That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?” asks the professor.

One student in the back raises his hand.

The professor is astonished.

He takes off glasses, takes a step back, and says, “Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.”

The redneck student replies with a nod and begins to make his way up to the podium.

The professor asks, “Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost.”

The student replies, “Ghost?!?” Dang, I thought you said ‘goats.’

:lol: :thumbsup:

Joe is sitting on a train across from a
busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt.

Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear.

The blonde realises he is staring and
inquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?"

"Yes, I'm sorry," says Joe and promises to avert his eyes.

"It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you."

Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss.

Joe, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do.

"I can also make it wink," says the woman. Joe stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him.

"Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. Joe moves over
and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"

Stunned, Joe replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle, too?"

A visiting professor at the University of Montana is giving a seminar on the supernatural.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, “How many people here believe in ghosts?”

About 90 students raise their hands.

“Well that's a good start,” says the professor, “Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?”

About 40 students raise their hands.

“That's really good,” continues the professor, “I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?”

15 students raise their hands.

“That's a great response,” remarks the impressed professor, “has anyone here ever touched a ghost?”

Three students raise their hands.

“That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?” asks the professor.

One student in the back raises his hand.

The professor is astonished.

He takes off glasses, takes a step back, and says, “Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.”

The redneck student replies with a nod and begins to make his way up to the podium.

The professor asks, “Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost.”

The student replies, “Ghost?!?” Dang, I thought you said ‘goats.’


:lol2: :lol2: hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!

...The student replies, “Ghost?!?” Dang, I thought you said ‘goats.’

Hahahahaha!!! I heard their eyes are real purdy, too...



Remember Lorena Bobbitt? (Ask that question and females will smile/laugh while males will squirm... try it).

Anyhow, what the authorities, newspapers, TV and radio stations did not tell us was that there was a car behind her that night right after she did the dirty deed.

So, she's driving around the neighborhood looking for a place to chuck the severed organ. She rolls her window down as she turns a corner, then hooks it over the roof of her vehicle. It goes flying through the air (whistling sound, please) and SMACKS!!! the windshield of the car behind her.

In the car were two guys, quite inebriated. One guy grabs the shoulder of the other guy and exclaims, "Did YOU see the DICK on that bug?!!!"

A guy is strolling along Vegas Strip when a stunning hooker catches his

eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks, "How much?" The

Hooker replies, "$500 for a hand-job." The guy's jaw drops: "$500

dollars, For a hand-job! No hand-job is worth that kind of money!" The

hooker says, "Do you see that Hard Rock cafe on the corner?" "Yes." "Do

you see the Hard Rock about a block further down?" "Yes." "And beyond

that, do you see that third Cafe?" "Yes." "Well," says the hooker,

smiling invitingly, "I own those. And, I own them because I give a

hand-job that's worth $500." The Guy says, "What the hell? I'll give it

a try." They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy Is

sitting on the bed realizing that he just experienced the hand-job of a

lifetime, worth every bit of $500. He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose

a blow-job is $1,000?" The hooker replies, $1,500." "$1,500? No blow-job

could be worth that." The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window,

big boy. See that casino just across the street? I own it. And I own it

because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $1,500." The guy,

basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, says, "Sign me up."

Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before. He

can't believe it but he feels he truly got his money's worth. He decides

to dip into the pension savings for one glorious and unforgettable

experience. He asks the hooker, "How much for some pussy?" The hooker

says, "Come over here to the window. Do you see how the whole city of

Las Vegas is laid out before us, all those beautiful lights, gambling

palaces, and showplaces?" "Damn!" the guy says, in awe, "You own the

whole city?" "No," the hooker replies, "but I would if I had a pussy."

A Catholic Priest was about to leave His Mission in

the jungle where he has spent years teaching the

natives when he realizes that the one thing he never

taught them was how to speak English, so he takes the

chief for a walk in the forest.



He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."

The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."



The Priest pleased with the response.

They walk a little farther and he points to a rock and says,

"This is a rock."

Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."



The Priest really getting enthusiastic about the results

when he hears a rustling in the bushes.

As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple of natives

in the midst of heavy sexual activity.



The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds,

"Riding a bike."



The chief looks at the couple briefly,

pulls out his blowgun and kills them.



The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that

he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be

civilized and kind to each other, so how could he kill

these people in cold blood that way?



The chief replied, "My bike."

Sperm Count
> >
> > A old man went to his doctor to get a sperm count. The doctor gave
> > the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a semen
>sample
> > tomorrow." The next day, the old geezer returned to the doctor's office
>and
> > gave
> > him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
> > The doctor asked what happened, and the man explained, "Well, doc,
> > it's like this.....first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I
> > tried
> > with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She
> > tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She even tried
>with
> > her
> > mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still
>nothing.
> > We even called up Arlene, the lady next door, and she tried too, first
>with
> > both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeez'n it between her
> > knees, but
> > still nothing."
> > The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?!"
> > The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, with our
> > arthritis, we still couldn't get the damn jar open."

Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at
the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her
hair smells nice.

After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint
to a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to write a sexual harassment grievance against him.

The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks,
"What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair
smells nice?"

The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual
>> > >
>> > >route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars
>> > >were
>> > >
>> > >in the driveway. His walk was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming
> out
>> > >
>> > >with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles. "Wow Bob, looks like you
>> guys
>> > >
>> > >had one hell of a party last night." the mailman comments.
>> > >
>> > >Bob, in obvious pain replies, "Actually we had it Saturday night. This
> is
>> > >
>> > >the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 Sunday morning. We had
> about
>> > >
>> > >fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for Christmas Cheer
> and
>> > >
>> > >it got a bit wild. Hell, we got so drunk around midnight that we
> started
>> > >
>> > >playing WHO AM I."
>> > >
>> > >The mailman thinks a moment and says, "How do you play that?"
>> > >
>> > >"Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time
> with
>> > >
>> > >a sheet covering us and only our privates showing through a hole in
>> > >the
>> > >
>> > >sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is."
>> > >
>> > >The mailman laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that."
>> > >
>> > >"Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds. "Your name came up four
> or
>> > >
>> > >five times."

The Guys' Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the
guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules
from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all
numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining
about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it
that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do
not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say
it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor!!
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us
to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no
idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster
trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station:

BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets,
BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole,
BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go. "

From now on when I say BELL 1, I want you to strip naked. When I say BELL 2, I want you to jump in bed. And when I say BELL 3, we are going to make love all night. "The next night he came home from work and yelled,

"BELL 1" The wife promptly took all her clothes off.
"BELL 2" he yelled, and the wife jumped into bed.
"BELL 3" he shouted, and they began making love.

After a few minutes the wife yelled "BELL 4" "What the hell is BELL 4?" asked the husband? "ROLL OUT MORE HOSE," she replied, "YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE."

Farmer John has three sons. One day his oldest
> comes to him and pleads with him that he is graduating from school and
> would really like to get a car. His father says, "Son, come with me!" He
> takes him to the barn and points to the farm tractor and says, "This
> tractor is needed for the farm and I promise, as soon as it's paid
> for, we'll get you a car."
> The boy was not too happy but he under- stood and said, "Ok,Dad."
> A week later his second son, (10 yr. old), approaches
> him wanting a new two wheel bike. Well, he gets the same excuse "....as
> soon as the tractor is paid for...."
> Shortly after that his youngest is bugging him for a tricycle.
> Again, 'ol dad gives him the lecture about the tractor
> needing to be paid off first. While leaving the barn, the young boy, a
> little disgusted with the whole thing, sees the rooster mating with one
> of the hens, and promptly goes over and kicks the rooster off the
> hens back, mumbling to himself.
> His dad says, "Son, why would you do something like that? He didn't do
> anything to you to deserve that."
> The little boy says "Hey, nobody rides anything around here until that
> DAMN TRACTOR IS PAID OFF!!!"

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
>throughout the company have been using foul language during the
>course of normal conversation with their co-workers.
>
>Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily
>offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do
>however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately
>express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.
>
>Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have
>been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can
>continue in an effective manner.
>
>1) TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
>INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.
>
>
>2) TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
>INSTEAD OF: She's a ball-busting b__ch.
>
>
>3) TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
>INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?
>
>
>4) TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
>INSTEAD OF: No f______ way.
>
>
>5) TRY SAYING: Really?
>INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh__ing me!
>
>
>6) TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
>INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.
>
>
>7) TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
>INSTEAD OF: It's not my f______ problem.
>
>
>8) TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
>INSTEAD OF: What the f___?
>
>
>9) TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
>INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.
>
>
>10) TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
>INSTEAD OF: Why the h_! __ didn't you tell me sooner?
>
>
>11) TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
>INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.
>
>
>12) TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
>INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.
>
>
>13) TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
>INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.
>
>
>14) TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
>INSTEAD OF: F___ it, I'm on salary.
>
>
>15) TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
>INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.
>
>
>16) TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
>INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.
>
>
>17) TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
>INSTEAD OF: Who the h___ died and made you boss?
>
>
>18 ) TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
>INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.
>
>
>Thank You, Human Resources

Four men went golfing one day. Three of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the bill. The three men started talking and bragging about their sons.
The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder, and he is so successful that he gave a friend a new home for free. Just gave it to him!"
The second man said, "My son was a car salesman, and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He's so successful that he gave one of his friends a new Mercedes, fully loaded."
The third man, not wanting to be outdone, bragged, "My son is a stockbroker, and he's doing so well that he gave his friend an entire portfolio."
The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business. The first man mentioned, "We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?"
The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay and go-go dances in a gay bar." The other three men grew silent as he continued, "I'm not totally thrilled about the dancing job, but he must be doing well. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, a brand new Mercedes, and a stock portfolio."

A guy falls asleep on the beach for several hours and gets a horrible
>
> >sunburn.
>
> >
>
> >He goes to the hospital and is promptly admitted after being diagnosed
>with
>
> >second degree burns.
>
> >
>
> >With his skin already starting to blister and the severe pain he was in,
>
> >the
>
> >doctor prescribes continuous intravenous feeding with saline,
>electrolytes,
>
> >a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.
>
> >
>
> >The nurse, who is rather astounded, says, "What good will Viagra do for
>
> >him,
>
> >Doctor?
>
> >
>
> >The Doctor replied, "It'll keep the sheets off his legs."

if u don't want sheets on...why put them there in the first place? that one wasn't as funny as the other ones

1. It's a joke
2. To keep him covered up.

Making really bad jokes should be a bannable offence :twak:
Sez who?! :grinno:

Hey c'mon now you know you're the exception. You have the rare skill of transforming really bad jokes into.... umm... ah who am i kidding.. they still suck :biggrin2:

I've been campaigning to get you banned for months now :p

A baby seal walks into a club...

...then gets slaughtered!

OMG GAWD FUNNIEST THING EVER!!! :rofl: :rofl:





















































:biggrin:

Ok here is a new joke................








2 horses walk into a bar......

...then get slaughtered!!

OMG GAWD FUNNIEST THING EVER!!! :rofl: :rofl:


























:biggrin: Ok I'm done doing that...

A baby seal walks into a club...
... Or at least that's what the canuck told the police.

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the
>counter and says, "Hi...
>
>You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."
>
>The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We
>just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur
>and bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around
>in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long
>hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her
>overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll
>have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is
>$200,000 a year".
>
>The guy says, "You're bullshittin' me!"
>
>The social worker says, "Yeah, well... you started it."

:lol:

why did the toddler drop its lolly pop?






















because it got hit my a truck

Whats the difference between sand and period blood?

















You can't gargle sand.

hahahaha. Ilike that. Horrible but i like it.

Whats the difference between sand and period blood?

















You can't gargle sand.


Freakin Disgusting!! :disappoin


Adam was talking to his friend at the bar, and he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday - she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stuck."
His friend said, "I have an idea! Why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled."Adam decided to to his friend's advice.

The next day at the bar his friend said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?"

"Yes, I did," Adam replied.

"Did she like it?"

"Oh yes! she jumped up , thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling "I'll be back in an hour!!"

why was the little girl smoking?







because she was on fire

why was the little girl smoking?







because she was on fire



I'm beginning to think you might be evil...