quickie joke.

Thank you I'll be here all night!

I think that line was better than the jokes. On a not so joking note, I was laughing just now and accidentally spilled a Sprite all over my pants. Crap!

A chicken and a horse were playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him to safety.
The chicken runs to the farmer but the farmer cannot be found. So she drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. She then throws the other end of the rope to her friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking.

A few days later the chicken and the horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.

The horse said, "No, I think I can stand over the hole."

So he stretched his legs over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up."

So the chicken grabbed hold of the horse's "thingy" and pulled herself to safety.

The moral of the story:

If you're hung like a horse,
you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks!



Thank you I'll be here all night!

it must have been a 2002. I don't think you could tie a rope around any other BMW bumper
:grinno:

I think that line was better than the jokes.

Good? Bad?

On a not so joking note, I was laughing just now and accidentally spilled a Sprite all over my pants. Crap!

Thats hilario...not funny what so ever.

Good? Bad?

Good, it's just funny because I haven't heard anyone say that outside of retarded stand-up.

Thats hilario...not funny what so ever.

I figured someone would find it funny.

I figured someone would find it funny.

No I didn't find it funny what so ever.




























:lol: :rofl: :lol:

what happened when a stripper realized she had morals and quit her job?


























































Everybody went to hell


















:lol:

goldz28, where are you?....



A man walks up to his doctor and says, hesitatingly after looking around nervously, "Doc, I wanna,... I wanna get, um,... I wanna get castrated..."

"What?"

Looking around nervously, he again says, "I said I wanna,..., um, I wanna get, um,... I wanna get castrated..."

"Are you sure?"

"Doc, I've been wanting all my adult life to get, um, um, castrated..."

"You've waited all these years, wait another day. Go home, come back tomorrow if you still want what you're asking."

"Okay, Doc." The man goes home and comes back next day saying, "Doc, I've thought about it overnight. I really wanna, um... I really wanna get, um... I really wanna get castrated..."

"Fine. Sign these documents and let's get started..."

The man wakes up in ICU, groggy from the anesthesia. He hears a happy melody and turns to see another man sitting up in bed, flipping through a magazine while whistling.

"What are you here for?" he groggily asks the whistler.

"Oh, I just got circumsized."

"THAT'S THE WORD I was thinking of!!!"

OOoooooo. No NO NO no. Bad frank

OOoooooo. No NO NO no. Bad frank

oooooooooooooo!!! I love it when you talk dirty to me!!! Hurt me! Hurt me! Please....

What do you call a whore with a runny nose?











Full...

Why did God give whores legs?

So they wouldn't leave slay marks in the snow.

Why did God give whores legs?

So they wouldn't leave slay marks in the snow.


What do you call a whore with no legs?














All cunt.

come my children we are all going to hell, get on the bus......dibs on driving

a little boy asks his father what a vagina looks like. The father says, "well, a vagina looks like a beautiful flower that must be carefully and delicutly plucked."
then the little boy asks what it looks like after it's plucked

"like an angry bulldog with a mouthfull of mayonaise."

NOW that was nasty. how about


what happened when there was no such thing as warm-hot/hot water?
basically cold water?






















Shrinkage :sly:

uhh ok

Shrinkage :sly:

But part of the fun is in getting the wrinkles out, no?

Joe visits his doctor, complaining about the really bad headaches he has been having. After having Joe undress, the doctor proceeds to prod and check Joe to determine the cause of his ailment.

The doctor says, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches but the bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need - a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." "The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see...size 44 long." Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?" The tailor replies, "Been in the business 60 years!" Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly.

As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the tailor asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Why not?" The tailor eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeve and 16-1/2 neck." Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?" The old man responds, "Been in the business 60 years!" Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.

As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the tailor asked, "How about new shoes?" Joe was on a roll and said, "Sounds great!" The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see... 9-1/2 E." Joe was astonished and said, "That's right, how did you know?" Again, the tailor replies, "Been in the business 60 years!" Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly.

Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure." The tailor stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see... size 36." Joe laughed "Ah hA!!! I got you! I've worn size 34s since I was 18 years old."

The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."

And what a headache it would be, lol.

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over $180,000. The results concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to provide the man with more pleasure during sex.

After the results were published, the French declared that the British were wrong and decided to conduct their own study of the same subject. After three years of research and a cost in excess of $250,000, they concluded that the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to provide the woman with more sexual pleasure.

When the results of the French study were released, Australia decided to conduct its own study. So, after nearly three weeks of intensive research and a cost of around $75, the Aussie study was complete. They came to the conclusion that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent his hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.

That make sense.