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05-12-2002, 07:34 PM | #1 | |
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How many Auckland school students does it take to change a light bulb?
This will be totaly meaningless to anyone not from Auckland, but theres enough of us here so:
Diocesan: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her. Papakura: Two. One to change the bulb and the other to figure out how to get high from the first St Kentigerns: None. They're all too arrogant at first to notice that its dark, and even when they spot a hole they just put their penis in it. Marcellin: None. They can still catch sheep by torch-light anyway. St Cuthberts: One. She'll call the maintenance staff because there is no way she's going to do any manual labour. Kings: 71 - One to change it and 70 to protect them from the bad people over the fence. Epsom Girls: Five. One to change it, two to make sure her hair ribbons are still in place and another two to make sure her bag looks cool at all times. Macleans College: None- All the boys are too busy doing their mascara and the girls are too busy fighting over them. St. Peters: Any one of them. They're all well-practiced at using their hands. Manurewa High: None - The teachers will get their wooden dildos on the case. Papatoetoe: One to install it plus a news crew to report the most monumental thing a student from the school has ever achieved. Waiheke Island: None. Incense burners and glow-in-the-dark condoms offer good enough light for an orgy anyhow. Otahuhu: Five. Four to break into the store and steal the bulb and one to install it. Macauley: None. It's too unsafe for pregnant girls to do such a dangerous task. Henderson: Ten. One to change the bulb, one to call the dealer and eight to have a session while they wait. Waitakere: None. Everything that hasn't been welded down was flogged long ago. Tamaki: None. The principal's car is still in the school carkpark smoldering from last night anyhow. Metro: None. Everyone is either suspended or wagging school. Carmel: None. They only have to give head to the Rosmini boys and it's done for them. Mt Albert Grammar: Four. - One to change the bulb and three to count how many times he talks about rugby or fucking someone's mother. St Pauls: None - Dey dont have light bulbs in da islands aye?! Selwyn: None- What's the point in lighting a classroom when no one goes to class? Howick: The whole school - all they ever want is a screw! Mt. Albert Girls: None. They're too busy fucking the teachers. Green Bay: None, no one can read the instructions on how to do it Avondale College: Ahhh what's a lightbulb again?? James Cook: None. Burning tires do the job just as well. Especially around the neck of the school geek who passed fifth form. Auckland Boys Grammar: 101 plus 1 teacher - One to actually change the bulb, a teacher to assess his performance and another 100 students to measure and rate him against. Nga Tupuae: None. - They just pray the Ministry of Education will declare the whole school completely fucked and finally close it. Sacred Heart: Two + 1 Brother + 1 lawyer - One Polynesian import to change the bulb, 1 white kid to explain how to him, the Brother to molest them both and the lawyer to ensure that it all stays 'hush, hush' and the school's reputation is in no way adversely affected. Takapuna Grammar School: 45 + a riot squad to defend the local neighbourhood when binge drinking students discover the light bulbs are more effective as weapons while at the local out-of-control Shore party that is inevitable come the weekend. Senior High: None - K-Road always has lots of lights on anyway. Pakuranga: Six - One to steal a book on home maintenance from the local library, one to translate it from Cantonese, one to electrocute herself installing it and three more to do the same as part of their 'special pact'. Rosmini: Six. - One to download pictures of how to screw from the Internet and five more to clean up the subsequent sticky mess. Rose Hill: Four - One to fill out SIPS forms. One to throw rocks at the social worker. One to cry about his bedwetting and one to sneak in when no-one can see and change the bulb before he gets a hiding for being such a queer. Tangaroa: Eighteen - Seventeen to have a rumble with the electrician. One to get his mate from PD on Saturday to come install it in exchange for some speakers. Mt. Roskill: None. - Generations of inbreeding have rendered them incapable of such complex tasks. Penrose: None - The place looks better in the dark anyway. Pukekohe: None - The school will be ashes before anyone figures out how to do it anyway, so why bother? Kristin: None, the light from their personal laptops lights up the room just fine. Corren: None. Lightbulbs only blow out for poor people. Lynfield College: They use candles sorry. Rangitoto: 100 plus a team policing unit plus parents - 100 kids to use the dark as an excuse to steal their parents alcohol, have a party and trash the house. A team policing unit to break up the party and arrest them. Parents to vehemently deny that their precious darlings would do such a thing. Westlake Girls: None - the staff at the abortion clinics do that sort of thing. Baradene: None - Ugly chicks must be kept in darkness. Westlake Boys: None they would use the dark as an opportunity to do something latently homo-erotic. Auckland Girls Grammar: Five - 1 to put the bulb in, and the other 4 to kiss them good luck. Edgewater: Forty - One to install it and 39 losers with nothing better to do than watch.
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05-12-2002, 07:44 PM | #2 | |
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hehe:hehehe: nice, and so true too!
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05-12-2002, 08:00 PM | #3 | |
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.........and where did you go to school Moppie?
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05-12-2002, 08:05 PM | #4 | ||
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Guess. :finger: Its in the list.
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05-12-2002, 09:16 PM | #5 | |
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Howick?
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05-12-2002, 09:41 PM | #6 | ||
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j/k
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05-12-2002, 11:52 PM | #7 | ||
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And its not Howick either, although Its the school I would have gone to had I wanted to catch a bus every damn day. And just where did the rest of you go to school? I know theres a few shore boys and westies in here..
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05-12-2002, 11:54 PM | #8 | ||
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05-12-2002, 11:59 PM | #9 | ||
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05-13-2002, 12:04 AM | #10 | ||
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05-13-2002, 12:10 AM | #11 | ||
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Hey its West Auckland after all, theres more than enough light to make dinner coming off the pile of burning tyres on the frount lawn...
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05-13-2002, 12:14 AM | #12 | |
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i don't get it ???? whats it all mean?
o well like i care anywayz could you at least post a map and explaination thanks all the same :bandit:
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05-13-2002, 12:17 AM | #13 | ||
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Re: How many Auckland school students does it take to change a light bulb?
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05-13-2002, 12:22 AM | #15 | ||
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Now all you have to do is replace the names of the Auckland schools with schools form your area, and send it in a few emails....... oh, and I always start, and contribute to the best threads. I just cant help it..... :smoker2: :smoker2:
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