The test drive I'll never take again!!! (long story)

[speediva]

So I go on this fun adventure: taking out cars for test drives and trying to scare the sales reps in the process. Our own beloved PH transfer case "I like naked girls" (AKA Rick) and I set out on this quest tonight.

We are driving from our rendevous point back towards some of the more ritzy dealerships and taking the back way so as to avoid rushhour traffic. Rick tries to kill me by driving like a maniac for starters. Then we're minding our own business when a giant Dodge pick up decides to try and take on the Blue Prelude. So at friggin 90mph he beats the Dodge, only to be given several unpleasant hand gestures, and signals indicating this redneck wanted to step out and fight. We get stuck at a traffic light where the hick steps out, so we take off faster than bats out of Hell. We freaking run for our lives at speeds I didn't dare look after. We finally made enough distance that the truck didn't come back for more. That part of the adventure was pretty much over after that. (Thank God above) The adrenaline was beyond flowing by this point.

Finally we make it to the Subaru dealership to test drive the Impreza WRX. So Rick gets behind the wheel on this excursion. The salesman is a giant walrus-shaped man. 6'4" tall weighing in at about 400lbs. Huge mullet. NO JOKE and yet he's trying to sell us this little WRX (complete with "asphalt eater" written on the windshield). So we get in (the salesman needed a shoehorn to slide his butt in the seat) and we back out and start out decently. Then he lets her rip!!!! He takes off down this 4-lane divided highway shifting like a newbie. Every gear dropped with an awful noise worse than thunder!!! The turbocharger was DYING with each loud clammoring drop. The MulletMan then says "I can see what kind of drive this is going to be..." His enormous body slammed about in the seat as we tried not to laugh at the man nor the intentional hideous driving techniques. Finally we make it back to the dealership, bid Mulletron adieu, and laugh as we slip back into the seats of the precious Prelude. As we drive away I nearly had tears down my face as we laughed about the entire experience. Wow, it was just hysterical.

Now it was my turn. Off to the BMW, VW, and Audi dealership. I decide to try for a test drive in one of the neat little Beetle Turbo S's. Our salesman here was a brand-spankin-newbie. Only 3 days on the job, and he knew still very little about the cars and how things worked. He starts trying to talk about these cars and keeps saying about how he's new, so just excuse him. The orange (tangerine ) one I wanted to drive had been sold just days before, and oddly enough the only other Beetle Turbo was on the ramps with a foot and a half drop to the ground. Rick gets a good idea and asks if we could perhaps try the new VW Golf GTI just to get a feel for the stick in the turbo. The salesmen have to drive the cars off the lot for insurance purposes, so he takes off like he's on the run from the 5-0. I look back at Rick in the back seat, and we both know this will be fun. Finally I get behind the seat, and the turbo took over from there! A drive that would ordinarily take about 25 minutes or more, took us 15!!! I don't think I dropped below 50 except to stop at a traffic light!!! The salesman laughed and reminded me that any speeding tickets were liable to me, to which I told him that the cops never hide on the roads we took. He kinda laughed. We get back to the dealership where he tries to work his magic. No avail. But the fun had been had.

Finally Rick gets me back to my car safe-and-sound (after our start I thought it would never happen). We both part, and drive safely home.


And the moral of this story is: Don't let Rick drive! :right:

[ric]

very very fun night indeed. tangie left out a few things though so please do allow me to clarify!!

let me begin by saying seatbelts were used at all time though they would have prevented nothing the way we were driving.

on the way there via redneck style..........
first of the dodge diesal dulie started with me. he came flyin on up after me so a quik downshift into third put me speeding away quikly. so being the jackass i am i flicked my flashers on to signify the win riceboy style and waved goodbye out the window to him. he obviously didnt like being beat by a honDUH so he was on my arse for sometime untill we got stuck at a light but i knew he was there so i left room to escape (im a lover not a fighter). of course just on time as soon as the truck stopped behind us mr, carhart camo pants john deere hat wearing redneck boy pops out of his truck ready to rip me from my seat and bash my skull in. sorry bro, just cause im at a red light doesnt mean im gonna stay there. i would have fought him but i didnt want tangie to see me kill a man with my bare hands nor did i wish for her to become involved so i dumped the clutch and hit the brim of the road running the light in the safest possible way i could if thats possible. a quik burst to 100 lost kenny rogers and we were on our way to get silly in some cars.


the subaru dealer.........
welp tangie got everything dead on in this one that hippo asked her to sit behind me without giving a reason. yeah well me and the infamous tang-miester knew the real deal, this guy was so fat he had to recline the seat all the way back to get his boobs off the dashboard and would have crushed fragile tangie with the seat be it she was sitting behind him. after not being to impressed by the WRX's shifting, the shifter sucks and the clutch and gas pedel are way way way to close to each other, good for rally, bad for the street. needless to say the dealer will probably be replacing the limited slip differential in about 5,000 miles on that car. it was a blast though, nothing but boost and burnt up clutch from dropping it like a ton of bricks. i bet that guy quit after the ride i gave him. god knows i wouldnt deal with that anymore.

V Dub spoolin and newbies droolin...........
well once again tangie summed up the story for the VW dealer. this guy couldnt have been more then 16 though he was a stated 20 something year old and was the freshest car saleman i ever seen. right out of the training class. we knew this one would be fun one he did a burnout out of the dealer parking lot and tangie took his arse for a ride in WRX fashion!!!! a couple nimble runs through winding roads filled with deer and old people walking baby strollers at 8 pm at very high speeds and we were both quite impressed at the overall performanceof the golf GTI and equally impressed at the guys face after he almost went airborne in a couple near sideways rolls from tangies fit of lunicy behind the wheel.

a slow ride back to home base......sorta....
on the way home a yellow crx with an SIR sticker decided to test the lude. i had hoped for at least a ZC swap to make things interesting but nothing materialized but slowness and a nice chrome exhaust tip, bummer. so me and tangie got back to the parking lot were i threw her out of the car after she, wait i cant tell younz about that adventure. JUST KIDDING!!! never the less we both had plenty of adreneline and smiles while driving home and Part 2 is allready in the works.

[Jerren]

man, you guys are hilarious. my favorite part is the mulletron and the kenny rogers. haha. lol@ running away when they got out. man i would have did that too. i'm glad you didnt have to kill anybody man.

[taranaki]

sounds like a fun way to spend the afternoon....I might just borrow a half-decent car(one look at the diesel and a test drive of a bmw would be out of the question)and have some fun...

[banchi105]

omg
thats so freakin hilarious

[NVR ENUFF]

Great story guys! Funny as hell...

[ragt20]

Originally posted by saturntangerine
(the salesman needed a shoehorn to slide his butt in the seat)

ROTFLMFAO.........:hehehe: :hehehe:






looks like U had a fun day

[darklight]

lol man thats great , i would love to do that ,how old do you need to be before they let you do that?:smoker:

[speediva]

Originally posted by darklightvr4
lol man thats great , i would love to do that ,how old do you need to be before they let you do that?:smoker:

I'm actually a mere 19 years old, but I kinda went with my hair somewhat straightened and a dress-casual look so as to make me look older. They never even asked to see my liscense when I drove!!! Our beloved "i like naked girls" on the other hand had to shell out his ID (dealership policy).

You just have to be a good actor/actress and pretend like you fully intend on purchasing the vehicle in question.

[ric]

just act civilized and intent on buying very soon and you can drive anything you want. when we go out for round two i think its luxury car time. i am in the process of making a fake charles schwabb account statement that says i have a couple hundred grand in the bank for back up's. tangie will also be my lovely wife once again only this time its on paper as the sole beneficiary of my millions to make things ever so more realistic. best thing you can do to fake them out and for sure get a test drive is know what other companies have cars in the same class and tell them you have driven them allready and this is your final one before you make a decision. so find yourself a cool girl like tangie and set out on a new car abuse spree and post'em up. maybe if your like me you will find a new appreciation for your car you have right now, i know after i drove the wrx i deffinatly like my car again. dont get me wrong the wrx is a nice car and very fast, but its just not practical for an everyday car, and someone with wide feet would have a hell of a time in it.

[Chris]

I have large feet (size 15) Muchos sadness, and the strong desire for some AlpineStarz driving shoes (Makinen uses 'em)

That sounds like fun, I will have to try once I am old enough/sophistimacated enough looking

[Raging Bull]

a mate and i went to BMW to test the new mini one, as his mum was goin to buy him one. but when we got there, the standard mini was out and we got to drive the cooper. that was good fun, nice little car. my mate didnt even have the proper full licence, cos hed just passed his test. but the guy didnt ask to see either licence!!!

[MaxRX7]

so was there any sloppy unprotected sex between you and ric after the test drives ?































haha, j/k :finger:

[ric]

Originally posted by MaxRX7
so was there any sloppy unprotected sex between you and ric after the test drives ?































haha, j/k :finger:

well not directly after.........

[speediva]

Originally posted by ric


well not directly after.........

tangie has NO idea what ric means by that





Remember boys and girls: Tangie = :angel: