How to Dump a Man

[Oz]

Beats telling them face to face!!

************************************************** **************************
**************

Dear ________,

I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from
further contention
as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition
was exceedingly
tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as
yourself also failed
to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on
file should an
opening become available. So that you may find better
success in your future
romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following
reason(s) you
were disqualified from the competition. Check those that
apply...

___ Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine
taking it, hyphenating
it, or subjecting my children to it.

___Your first name is objectionable. It's just not
something I can picture
myself yelling out in a fit of passion.

___The fact that our dining experiences to date has left MY
wallet a
little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter!

___Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the
truckload"
indicates that you may be interested in me for something
other than my
personality.

___You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20
questions about
yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.

___Your constant e-mailing shows me you have TOO much time
on your
hands!

___Your legs are skinnier than mine.

___You're too short. Any son that we produced would
inevitably be beaten
up repeatedly at recess.

___You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck condition
from trying
to kiss you.

___ I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily
unappealing.

___The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals
an inherent
slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.

___The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in
conversation.

___You still live with your parents.

___Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of
Star Trek
uniforms a little disconcerting.

___Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me
to suspect
that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.

___Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I
am seeking in a
long-term partner.

___Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you
should however,
happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please
resubmit your
application.

___Somehow I doubt those condoms I found in your overnight
bag were
really necessary for a successful business trip.

___I am out of your league, set your sights lower next
time.

Sincerely,
__________


For the laydees.

[taranaki]

Originally posted by Oz
Beats telling them face to face!!


___You're too short. Any son that we produced would
inevitably be beaten
up repeatedly at recess.

___You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck condition
from trying
to kiss you.

___Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you
should however,
happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please
resubmit your
application.

Typical.Make up your mind,girls,and fix your own damn car.

[JD@af]

Originally posted by taranaki


Typical.Make up your mind,girls,and fix your own damn car.

FROM NOW ON, MR. T IS MY OFFICIAL SPOKESPERSON!!! :ylsuper :sun:

By the way, that's cute, Oz. I was just thinking earlier today that from now on, when I end a relationship, that it would be possibly weird, though also possibly appreciated, to send a "thank you" card afterwards.