pulling off a sobriety test. ABC's

[hybridsol]

Sobriety testing: the ABC test.

Don't worry! I know what you're thinking: "Why did I drink so much?" Now you're on the side of the road taking a sobriety test and the officer pulls a "Say the alphabet without singing it." Don't worry. Just follow these simple steps and you'll be saying your ABC's in no time.

Step 1 - Whatever you do, don't start with A. I know it seems like the obvious first step, but that's just what they are expecting. Start off with the letter "O". It'll throw them all off. You know. Keep them guessing. Besides, these letters are crafty fuckers. You gotta take 'em from behind!

Step 2 - Now, say all the letters you can remember as quickly as you can. It doesn't matter if you do repeats, just go man, GO! If you say them fast enough the officer may think you are some sort of super genius who can say everything very fast, like that guy from the Micro Machines commercial in the early nineties. Do you think that man ever got caught in a sobriety test. You can bet your supper sweet lips he didn't!

Step 3 - Smile, real big.

Step 4 - He's going to ask you to "repeat that". Don't worry, he's just dumb- founded by your abilities. You now have had more then enough time to think about the letters in the correct order and you can say them all real slow and make him look like the dumb ass.

Step 5 - Now start with A, follow that up with a smooth B, and add a cool C in there. Half way home, don't give up on me now.

Step 6 - Smile and laugh a little now. Laugh like you can't believe how simple minded this officer is, (they love that!) and say "Yadda, Yadda, Yadda" while waving your hand in an "etcetera" type of motion. This is very important. You can't just flail your hand around willy nilly! The alphabet is an exact science. Don't fuck around with it!

Step 7 - Immediately after the hand motion, say "and Z" in a loud confident voice.

Step 8 - When the officer says, "Did you forget something?" Laugh again, in the same way if possible, and say that you had already covered "O" in the beginning.

Step 9 - Use your mom's credit card to pay off the ticket and to bail you out of jail.

[Oz]

rofl