Some laughs for the day

[primera man]

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can
get a haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours."
The guy leaves.
A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, " How
long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About 3
hours."
The guy leaves.
A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long
before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and a half."
The guy leaves.
The barber who is intrigued by this time, looks over at a friend in the
shop and says, "Hey, Bill. Follow that guy and see where he goes."

A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?"
Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, "Your house."


If you think life is bad...,
how would you like to be an egg?
you only get laid once.
It takes 4 minutes to get hard.
Only 2 minutes to get soft.
You share your box with 11 other guys.
But worst of all...
The only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother.
So cheer up... your life ain't that bad!!.
Pass this around to someone who you feel can use a good lay, I mean day!


A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite
chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick,
bring me a beer before it
starts."
She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer.
When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another
beer. It's gonna start."
This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a
beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer
before it starts."
That's it! She blows her top! "You bastard! You waltz
in here, flop your fat, ass down don't even say hello
to me and then expect me to run around like your
slave. Don't you realise that I cook and clean and
wash and iron all day long?"
The husband sighed. "Oh no - it's started!"



A woman stopped by her recently married son's house. She rang the
doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing; the
aroma of perfume filled the room.
"What are you doing?" she asked. "I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're naked!"
"My husband loves me to wear this," she explained. "It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly
becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me!"
The mother-in-law left. When she got home she undressed,
showered,put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally herhusband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.
"What are you doing?" he asked
"This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually.
"Needs ironing," he said.


A woman goes into a pet shop looking for a parrot. The assistant shows her a beautiful African Grey parrot.
"What about this one, Madam? A beautiful bird, I'm sure you'll agree and it's an absolute steal at only $20."
"Why is it that cheap?" the woman asks. "Well", replies the assistant, it used to live in a brothel and as a result its language is a touch fruity" "Oh, I don't mind that", said the woman, making her mind up, "I'm broad minded and it'll be a laugh having a profane parrot". So saying, she buys the parrot and takes him home.
Once safely in his new home, the parrot looks around and squawks at the woman. "F==k me, a new brothel and a new madam" "I'm not a madam and this isn't a brothel" says the woman indignantly.
A little later the woman's two teenage daughters arrive home. "A new brothel, a new madam, and now new prostitutes" says the parrot when he sees the daughters. "Mum, tell your parrot to shut-up, we're not prostitutes" complained the girls, but they all see the funny side and have a laugh at their new pet.
A short while later, the woman's husband comes home. "Well f==k me, a new brothel, a new madam, new whores, but the same old clients..... How ya doin', Dave?!!"

[Jimster]

The last one was definitley the best :hehe:

[ragt20]

good stuff Pman, last one was the best

[tonioseven]

I needed something to make me laugh!!! Thanks Dude!!:hehehe: :hehehe: :hehehe:

[YogsVR4]

[JD@af]

HA HA HA!!

All good stuff, P Man, but I liked the "Oh no - it's started!" joke the best :silly2: