Porsche Cannibalism...he had it comin'

[ANORXIC'51]

You know, I'd always heard the complaints of how the water cooled 911(996) and 986(Boxster) owners shun the front-engine crowd(924,'44,'68, and '28) but never fell victim to it...until Fri. evening.

I was leaving Yuma on the way back to Phoenix, as I'd been doing promo gigs for the modeling company I just signed with. Anywho, I'm sitting fat, dumb and happy in the slow lane doing the speed limit of 65 when a pretty nice looking Boxster comes flying up behind me. I don't speed up because I know an inspection station is coming up (Yuma,AZ is right at the border of AZ and CA..and about 14 mi north of the Mexican border, so they look for illegals) He ends up swerving around me. It looked very decent. Arctic silver with the fiberglass hardtop and black turbo twist wheels. The back deck was debadged, so I'm not sure what year it was or if it was a Boxster S or not. We both roll through inspection at the same time and gradually get up to 40.

He proceeds to pull along side of me and rolls his driver side window down. Guy in his mid-late 20's. Kinda looks over at me, eyes my car and gives a 'not impressed' look. I'm fine with that, I'm not in this car for attention...but what he yelled out his window struck a chord.

''Too bad you couldn't afford a REAL Porsche!!''(Of course the dousche didn't even say it right...its Porsch-a, not Porsch)

Um, yeah...I decided to show him what my 'poor man's Porsche' was capable of. I told him to give me what he had through the hills/twisty exit from Yuma and we'll see what happens on the straights on the other side. Well, long story short...this guy couldn't drive that car to save his life. My brakes got a great workout, not because I couldn't handle the curves, its because smutz 10 ft in front of me was afraid of spinning out. So he used both lanes for the curves, and even still had to brake repeatedly. I know he had to think something was up when my lights were a permanent fixture in his sideview.

We finally get out of the hills and onto the forever straight the is the interstate from Yuma to Tuscon. We slow down and I ask what happened?

''I didn't want to leave you behind back there, that way I can spank your slow ass on a straightaway''

He's a cocky SOB, I give him that. Just for some verification on what I was about to annihalate, I ask what year and size engine...He yells back 1999 and 2.5 flat 6.

Okay, so here we have a convertable(read: heavy) vs. a coupe(read: lightened)...with the exact same size engine. Only difference is...he has 2 more cylinders than me...that and the fact he didn't say it was modded and that he didn't pull hard in the twisties made me positive it was still NA.

I tell him 3 honks and Ill go. He smirks, says ok, and laughs while saying see ya later.

Poor schmuk has NO idea. Perhaps he just thought that 911 turbos were the fast ones...I dunno. He honks 3 times from a 50 roll, we both nail it with me in 3rd...and with violent acceleration, this run is over before it even started.

Car lengths is not even proper terminology for this demolishing act. I figure about 2 and a half BUS lengths behind is where I left him by the time I see 110.

I shut it down and notice those 'fried egg' headlights are gaining rather quickly(I don't flash my hazards to acknowledge victory, if you've been had..you don't need further humiliation, lol) I'm back down to 70 and he flies up what I assume was 90-100 ish...so into 4th I go.

Man, he must've felt good for, oh..a second. It took about that full second for me to see the full 17 lbs of boost come and hurl me to right along side him. When the wastegate dumped to let a nice loud 'bwwaaappp', I let off the throttle with him still in it and proceeded to TKO in 'round 2'

Mashed the throttle to finish 4th gear, to which by the time I hit 125 ish, he must've just got to 115 or so. I ended up taking 5th gear to my personal highest speed(That I've had the balls to push it to) of 138 indicated..which is prob more like 133 or so with speedo inaccuracies)

It still had room to go, easily...but I THINK he got the point. I ended up holding 110 for 10 minutes straight and he continued falling way behind...not even attempting a flyby or simply pacing me.

I kind've felt bad, as I try not to kill or even race other Porsche's as the older guys look down on us...but every once in a while, you get a brand new owner that thinks, just because its newer..or 'may' have more ponies it can dispatch older ones.

I look forward to coming across my first Cayman trying to 'put me in my place'

[RACER D12]

Nice kill on that loser. Boxster owners tend to be that way (not all). I get more respect from the 911 guys then I do them.

[-The Stig-]

Originally Posted by ANORXIC'51

(Of course the dousche didn't even say it right...its Porsch-a, not Porsch)

That's funny, I always hear the posers saying Porsche-ah trying to make it sound that much more exotic. And the real enthusiasts just saying Porsche.

[VR43000GT]

Auf Deutsch es ist "porsh-a".

[Ralliart 3000gt]

Nice race, How much HP are you making??

[DinanM3_S2]

The E is not silent in German. It would be like a German guy pronouncing Ford For.

[ANORXIC'51]

RACER D12: Yeah, same thing here. The 987 guys aren't bad, its just the 986 crowd for the most part that don't even acknowledge any other Porsche aside from the 986/987, 996/997, and Cayman...

Ralliart 3000GT: Thanks. Ah, I'm only at about 300 with about the same in torque. Its not much, but when the car only weighs 2630 with me and a full tank...it scoots pretty good :-)

[turtlecrxsi]

Good kill. 951s are no slouches by any means. That boxter dude sure got a lesson in don't fuck with your turbo elders... LOL

[TatII]

haha a non S boxster is one of the slowest sports car on the road by todays standards.

great story telling skills