What a week.

[speediva]

I go from finally getting the hell out of my house to finding out one of my fellow riders died on a ride that I should have been on, to finding out one of the guys I worked "with" died, to I don't even know anymore.

I'm saddened by my rider friend dying. He left behind a wife and 2 kids. I didn't know him very well, but it is always sad to hear such a thing. Then "Uncle Toe" as we all called him, died when he went to Las Vegas this year. He shouldn't have gone. Last year he was stuck in Vegas due to 9/11 and this year he died. I don't want to go to Vegas anymore. And this is the second loss in that family in I think only one year. First the owner of the restaraunt loses her brother Sammy, and now the youngest "Toe" dies. It just plain sucks. We all fear to say it, but we tend to think the owner, Mary, may be next due to all the stress of these losses. Today was his funeral, and I didn't go because no one ever told me about it. I arrived at work to see everyone getting out of their black clothes, so I felt like a jackass all day long.

Then everyone says that these things happen in threes. I don't want to know who #3 will be. I've already lost 2 people I know in one week, I'd rather not know what is to come. My mother is largely obese, and my worst fears could come true should the superstition hold true. Despite my disliking of her, I would be entirely lost without some other form of income. I can't hold this family together alone, and with my dad being disabled for the last 8 years, and my brother having health problems of all sorts I'm left with what could be a huge burdon. I don't want to think this way, but I am faced with the fact that it could happen, and then my dreams of college are shot by a 10-gauge, double barreled shot gun.

I was so happy up at school. Sure, it was a shock to know that 2 people whom I knew had died, both in less than one week. And "Toe" was such a good man. I kept waiting for him to come into work today to make his breakfast, and discuss what was going on in the world today only to realize that he would never come in to make pancakes or eggs or anything ever again. And though I may have been bored, I was happy at school not having to check in all the time, and doing what I wanted when I wanted without worrying about who would need a ride where...

Can I please stop thinking now???

[Steel]

*cyber-hugs tangie*

[Ssom]

damn, what a week I've never experienced the loss of a mate, so I can't relate

[tazdev]

so sorry to haer about that Tangie. Hope things get better soon.

[Spec2 Girl]

Originally posted by tazdev
so sorry to haer about that Tangie. Hope things get better soon.

Ditto.

[darkness]

Originally posted by Spec2 Girl
Ditto.

Me too.

[replicant_008]

Seems I've been to a few funerals lately... so I have some idea how you feel... chin-up... and have one from all us at the wake...

This is the bit where I give you what sounds to be a trite sermon. But it's true, every adversity builds our character. How we deal with loss is as important as we deal with happiness... and without sadness we would never appreciate the truly wonderful moments in life.

At 9/11 last year, I was sitting in a neuro-surgical critical care ward not knowing whether a parent would make it thru the next few hours. After months of frustration, rehabilitation and blood, sweat and not a few tears, he has made a partial recovery. I feel the loss every single day but on the other hand, I feel grateful that I still have him as part of my family and that he wants nothing for Quality of Life.

This year I've seen the sun set over Paris from the bell-tower of Notre Dame, walked along a sun-drenched beach in Barcelona, watched the sun-rise turn the expanses of a ski-field from bronze to crimson, wrestled a brown trout out a lake, seen and felt F1 cars in full anger, felt the fury of a 110 kph winds up on a mountain summit and enjoyed the company of friends in three continents... why because life is too short to regret things you haven't done.

Some people just live... I want to feel life....

[JD@af]

Tangie, that's awful. No one should have to suffer through such an unbelieveably hard and burdening week.

Replicant, on another note, that post was beautiful and well-written.

[speediva]

Thanks everyone.

It's gone back up hill. Tonight was, infact, pretty great (once I left work before I should have )

I just needed the fact to hit me that 2 people I knew would be gone no matter if I was in my own little corner at school, or if I came home for a weekend. I finally made sense of "it all" and I feel heaps better.

I'm ready to go back to school and make this happen.


And last but certainly not least...
Replicant: Thank you for such a truly beautiful post.

[replicant_008]

Thanks for the compliments... just glad I could help even in a small way... sounds like you're being positive so good on ya...