I feel...left behind and a little alone

[Muscletang]

As I was at my new job checking out people at the local store this guy I graduated with comes through with his fiancée. I talked to him the other day and he told me he's getting married. Well this girl he came through with today had to be it, I'm guessing, because they were holding hands, kissing, ect.

Anyway, I thought nothing of it but they seemed rather happy and looked as if they were enjoying life together. This got me to thinking, almost everybody I know from high school is married or is engaged to be married. Most of the girls I've met since I've graduated from high school, mainly in college, are engaged to be married or already are.

My best friend from middle school and high school, the one guy who I knew had my back all the time no matter what, is engaged to this girl, has moved off, and I see him maybe once every other month, if I'm lucky.

This other girl I graduated with, got married and moved to Florida, will probably never see her again.

One girl that I've known all my life, voted best looking my senior year, honor student, one of a kind girl, got married last June.

A girl that was pretty cute but was a very good friend to me through high school, is engaged and is about to get married. She isn't around much anymore with anybody because she's tied up trying to get her new life together.

I can think of 10 girls right off the top of my head from the grade that graduated above me, or a couple of grades above me, that I know that are already married and are having or have had their first kid. I could probably think of three to four times that many more if you gave me time. Also, no, most of them got pregnant after they got married. A few of them though did get knocked up and then tied the knot.

This other girl I went to school with, ran into her two days ago. We said hi and talked a little. She's married to her high school sweetheart and expecting a kid this December.

Another one of my friends is married and has himself a job and an apartment in town. He got married about a month after we graduated last year.

I already mentioned the guy I saw today in the checkout line.

Also, almost all of the girls that I graduated with that I had a crush on, engaged or married.

As for college, all the good looking girls aren't single. You ask them and they smile, showing you their ring and telling you they can't wait until a certain number of months away until they tie the knot. That or they show you the ring so excited about just getting married.

It seems the only people that are single around my age are either...
A. ugly people (no offense) or WoW Trekies, the ones living in a shell
B. sluts or man whores who bang about 27 people in one night while on LSD

Well I'm not a slut so I feel just about as good as the people who have no dates or a life. Which I know isn't true but I feel that way.

What's the deal here? It seems that if you wanted a girlfriend you should have gotten that taken care of in high school because that isn't what happends afterwards. You either are engaged or you're a village bicycle. People are so in a rush to get their life started. The attitude is life ends around 22 or 23 and anything after that isn't worthy. If you want a wife/husband or want to bang this many girls while being on this many drugs, you better do it now or it's never.

What's the deal? Most people think they only have two to three years and your life ends. I'm 19 and think I got plenty of time. I don't think my life will end at 24. I don't think my life will end at 27. I don't think my life will end at 30. Your life ends when you want it to end.



Anyway, as I stated in the title, I feel a little left behind and alone. I know I shouldn't and should just take things at my own pace but it doesn't help too much. As I said, I shouldn't be feeling as if my life has ended a little. I know deep down there's still plenty to live and I just got to go out there and get after it. At the moment though I'm hurting a bit.

Everybody from my best friend, to an old girlfriend, to that cute girl I meet in my college class, or most girls who you would like to have a relationship with is engaged or married. Not able to get that new life of theirs up and running and not able to leave the old one fast enough. As I said, leaving that old life is in fact, leaving me in a way.

As I said, I feel a little alone. It seems I'm the only one who doesn't want to be married and just wants to enjoy life a moment at a time. I really don't care that I'm single now. A girlfriend would be nice but I'm not in a rush right now. I think I have plenty of time. Everybody else seems in a rush to get a girl, marry her, and get things up and running in life as fast as possible, but me.

Now I do know a couple of girls and guys that aren't married or engaged or seem to be in a rush, like me. Of course they live their lives in a shell. I look at them and then look at me and fear that. I don't want to be like that. I want to get out there and live. I just don't want to go out there all alone. It may come down to that in a year or two but it's something I'd rather not do. I want people around my age who I can relate to. That number shrinks though smaller and smaller every single day as they're all staying home with the wife/husband picking out new sinks for their bathroom re-model.



Anyway, if you've felt the same way or have any advice, it would help. If you want to mouth me a little, that's cool. We'll then back it up and see how it all sounds coming out of you without your two front teeth.



There is a little ray of hope though. My dad said he went through the same thing. All his friends and many girls got married and he didn't. My dad got married to my mom when he was 29, she was 18.

If I go by that though my future wife just started the 3rd grade

[pickle]

We do things differently in my town, I'm 21 and most girls who were in my year at high school now have kids, some even have 2 and I don't know any that are married or even engaged. These married couples usually have single friends. Just ask them to set you up with someone, it's even better if you're invited to the wedding. Single girls love weddings.

[MBTN]

BAH! Don't worry about it. My best friend a few years ago decided to propose to this little fucking twat. A year after she told him "fuck you, I hate you, I hope you die..." et cetera. Then for another year she kept calling him telling him she ruined HER life (never ONCE apologizing for doing any wrong to him). Anyway enough tangents... Bottom line is it doesn't matter what the others are doing. Besides everyone is living longer (and having children at later ages) these days. Just find the one and get married later. My mother was 36 when she had me. She'll outlive my ass too

[fredjacksonsan]

Originally Posted by Muscletang

As I was at my new job checking out people ....

If I go by that though my future wife just started the 3rd grade

"All the good ones are taken"

"What is wrong with me?"

"How come all these other people have found...."


Quit worrying. Be yourself and the right person will come along eventually.

[2.2 Straight six]

Originally Posted by fredjacksonsan

"All the good ones are taken"

"What is wrong with me?"

"How come all these other people have found...."


Quit worrying. Be yourself and the right person will come along eventually.

all very true.

don't look, you wait until you cross paths.

[BleedDodge]

There's snakes on the plane.

[Rally Sport]

Eh you shouldnt be thinking about what others are doing and just focus on yourself right now.. thats what you should be doing anyway.

Yeah it gets lonely but think about it, without a huge roadblock like a relationship or a female in the way, its alot better for you to establish a career and bring out the big bucks.. all those getting married will more than likely end up in divorce because they're young. Basicly they're just bringing more problems onto themselves when they shouldnt.

Dont worry though, just hope that 3rd grader will become a looker!

[Broke_as_****]

HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa....

Sorry, I read that and got this mental picture of Muscletang handing out candy at play ground.

"Yeah I like My Little Pony too, so what are you doing fifteen years?"

Anyway, I know its hard to wait, so don't. Don't go looking and try to force it, fill your life up with living as best you can in the mean time. Get out, travel, drink, fornicate, try new jobs, go windsurfing, whatever. Build yourself a happy life and someone to share it with will come along. Nothing a rational woman likes more than a guy whos got his shit together.

Originally Posted by MBTN

She'll outlive my ass too

I hear that.

[vinnym86]

people change, move on, drift away... its a part of life in this overpopulated floating rock. You shouldn't feel that you must be on the same page as people you know, you're an individual that has made differernt life choices and become someone else, as your friends have, too. When you are ready to make a big step in your life, you'll know it, you'll be ready. move by will alone.

[skibum1111]

I saw alot of this happening when I got out of school. About half of my friends were either married, had kids or both. Now, 18 years later, most of them are divorced or very unhappy. I got married 2 years ago at 34, never been happier. Take your time, don't jump into anything even if it feels right. When I marred my ex wife, things went too fast and it didn't work out. I took more time with this one, lived with her for a year before I proposed, married her a year later.

[MagicRat]

^^Good post^^

I got married at 27, and had our first baby 13 years later, and it's been great. If I had m,arried earlier, I'm pretty sure it would not have worked out so well.

Sometimes marrying young works for some, but for many it's too early, they end up regretting the things they did not do or cannot do now because of commitments. These peopel end up miserable and /or divorced.

Marrying someone from school young is IMO keeping things too small and limited. Take the opportunity to live a litle and perhaps further your education / career. It's a lot easier to travel and get a really good job if you are unencombered by a family.
Then when you really have made it in life you can find that wonderful girl who is also educated / worldly / successful like you and be happy.

[ned032002]

How bout this I'm 20, last June I had Got married and had my first child. Now I'm having another in Nov, don't you think that I moved a bit fast. I wish I could have enjoyed my years as a High school graduate knowing that I had my whole life ahead of me and that I could do what ever I want. Instead I'm married and I'm going to have 2 kids by the end of this year. Enjoy it while it lasts man cause once your married, lifes over.

In the words of the father on Everybody Loves Raymond "...you get married, then all you have to look forward to is the sweet release of death." remember that.

[windowpane]

JMO but too many people get married way too early I think a lot of your friends getting married will be divorced in a few years. Hopefully not, as many will probably have kids if they haven't already, but the odds are not in their favor.


There is living your life and getting to grow into yourself as well as setting and achieving some goals in life that you might want to do single. Getting married isn't the goal of your life finding someone who is right for you and treats you the way you want to be treated is when you find that person it is up to you and them to decide if getting married 'now' is right or not.


I think the only thing you could do is try expanding your circle of friends to new younger people maybe they all won't be in a rush to get married or ultimatly moving away from your area may be better for you to meet and find other people not in a rush to settle down.


I can totally understand the 'sluts and people who bang 27 people in a night' I've never needed or felt the way most people I know have about I'm young and want to have fun=bang lots of people like there is no tomorrow and/or do drugs like it's 1969. But that seems to me how many people think, either they are going to marry their sweetheart at 19-20 if not at 18, or they are 'young having fun' there are not a lot of I don't know what you'd call them 'stable' young people enjoying life with no pressure to settle down or be party animals.

Best advice I think I could say is to just try meeting new people outside of where you usually encounter the 'slut' type people. It sounds like where you live people are 'brainwashed' into getting married so they can 'start their lives' when getting out of your parents house and on your own is the real 'start' of your life.

If you meet a cool chick your really interested in and she is in a relationship or engaged break them up if you succeed they weren't 'meant to be' if you fail she wasn't ready for you.

[Muscletang]

Originally Posted by windowpane

But that seems to me how many people think, either they are going to marry their sweetheart at 19-20 if not at 18, or they are 'young having fun' there are not a lot of I don't know what you'd call them 'stable' young people enjoying life with no pressure to settle down or be party animals.

I think this pretty much sums up what I was trying to say.

Let me clears things up. I'm not complaining that "oh I have nobody to marry" or anything like that. It just seems like everybody is switching it into high gear, whether it's marriage, rushing into the quickest career possible to start making money, or literally living life as if it's your last hour.

To put it in a nice example. I want to cruise down the highway at 75 mph and just enjoy the drive. Everybody else is doing 175 trying to get to "the next best thing." As I stated, to many that "next best thing" is to get married or trying to party like it's 1969.

Now I like to party and wouldn't mind a nice stable relationship if the right girl came along. As I said though, I want to "cruise down the highway" or simply go at my own pace and take my time. It seems I'm the only one who wants to do this though. The attitude among kids my age seems to be "NOW, NOW, NOW!"

Anyway, thanks for the input so far. I'm feeling a little better now but still feeling like the odd man out in a way. Maybe I just need time. Or as Broke_as_**** said, more candy.

[Gohan Ryu]

I didn't read all of the responses in this thread so I don't know if someone has already said this:

Why rush it? I graduated high school in 81 and saw all of my friends get married and have kids in their early-mid 20's. Today only one of them is still happily married - currently 4 of them are locked in EXTREMELY NASTY divorces and child custody battles. All one friend can talk about is committing suicide because the court bullshit is draining the life out of her.

Another friend was married 12 years and now his wife is lying thru her teeth about spousal abuse and child abuse. My friend never laid a hand on either her or their child, but she hired the most expensive Beverly Hills lawyers she could find and they're putting the words in her mouth because they know exactly what the court wants to hear. She's not concerned about the welfare of their 2 year old child, all she wants to do is hurt my friend and drain his assets in any way possible.

I could go on and on about other friends (male and female) in the same situation.

Marraige and a family are not even a consideration for me but that's my own personal reasons not related to the above, but I can see going thru this type of bullshit is probably the worst thing anyone will ever have to face in their lifetime. You give the best years of your life to someone who turns around and rips your guts out. No thanks.

Right now all of my "married" friends are saying I was the smartest one for never having been married.