Rattle the bedframe!! (and other jokes)

[MagicRat]

Forgive me if you have heard this one before:

A virile, young Italian gentlemen named Guido was relaxing at his
favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young
blonde woman.
Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his
apartment
and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled
her senseless. After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, "So, you
finish?"
She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No."

Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time
she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The sex finally
ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, "You finish?"

Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to
him and softly says, "No."

Stunned, but damned if this woman is going to outlast him, Guido
reaches for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages
it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the
bed sheets. Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to
turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again, "You
finish?"

Barely able to speak, the beautiful blonde whispers in his ear, "No,
I Norwegian."

[Damien]

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yeah...

[my99cavy]

Damien puts it best.

[vinnym86]

i liked it... could be cuz i've got 3 shots of cuervo in me... but i liked it, lol

[v10_viper]

I got it, but I thought it was more arousing than it was funny.

[G-man422]

It didnt do much for me.

[nissan_240sx]

hmm I didn't get it..

[beef_bourito]

i laughed, i liked it.

[my99cavy]

heres another joke since were sharing them

Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at maturity of a 12 year old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her soooo much.

However, Jim felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that he also had a deformity too. Jim looked Sandy in the eyes and said.... "I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married."

She said, "Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant size penis."

Sandy and Jim got married and they could not wait for the Honeymoon. Jim whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touching, teasing, holding one another...

As Sandy put her hands in Jim's pants she began to scream and ran out of the room!

Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong. "You told me you penis was the size of an infant!", she said.

"Yes it is..... 8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long!!"

[jcsaleen]

Originally Posted by my99cavy

Damien puts it best.

+1...

[G-man422]

lol, that one is funny.

[my99cavy]

heres another one that made me kinda laugh

One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving under the influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his.

Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away.

The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the Designated Decoy."

[GForce957]

I feel bad that the guy doesnt about his wife's breasts...

[beef_bourito]

so a guy rolled a stop and a cop saw it, pulled him over and proceeded to write him a ticket.

the guy, thinking he's smart, tells the cop "If you can give me a good reason why i should stop at a stop sign instead of just slowing down when nobody's there I'll never roll a stop again"

so the cop pulled out his billy club and started beating him "Now, do you want me to slow down or to stop?"

[my99cavy]

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring the customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my testicles."
With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says..."You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"