Raising My Son

[C2Z06]

He's nearly 2 now. He's entering the terrible twos. I've had to give him some stinging slaps on the legs to get the tantrums to stop. He gets one warning and then the swat. For years I've seen a variety of parenting styles. Those parents who've done this with their kids haven't had to spank them past the age of 3/4, are the sweetest kids, do the best in school and are welcomed by babysitters vs dreaded. It sucks that I have to contest wills. But some things will hurt him. I'd rather give him a temporary sting on the leg vs him learning "by the school of hard knocks" (climbing on top of a hot stove which he's tried on a few occasions while we're cooking).

But more than that. I praise him instantly for the little things. Like when he brings us his diaper and says "pee-pee" because he wants a dry one. Or you say, "set the cup on the table when you're done please" and you point to coaster on a table and he sets it down when he's done. My favorite is when he first wakes up in the morning. By this time I'm ready to leave for work. I have a good 30 min where I let him climb on my back and we "wrestle," I tickle him to hear his cool laugh or he sits on my lap while he eats breakfast and watches the Disney Channel.

There are times when I read stories on the web or watch a news station about the plight of a little child. I used to get sad, but now I just cry openly. I do it because I have a fear it could happen to my boy and it's something I can't phathom doing to a child. My boss laughed at me for crying the other day at a story, "you went to an all male military college, I thought you were tough." I simply replied, "you'd cry too if you thought this could happen to your little girl" and showed him a sad story at which he quickly apologised to me. All in all it's the hardest and most rewarding challenge I've ever been graced with.

Here's the story that sparked my post. http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/07/25/bod....ap/index.html

[quteasabutton]

you sound like you're a really good dad, i'm sure your son is going to grow up well you want what is best for your child and that is great that you're there to make sure he turns out right. best wishes to your family

[00accord44]

*sniff* [sentimental music] That's touching. And I say that not to be a sarcastic asshole (as usual) but in all seriousness. That story about the kid in Florida is disturbing to say the least. I wish they had more details.... actually I probably don't wanna know. I don't have any kids of my own, but I know it has to be one of the most rewarding and terrifying things I'll ever experience. And to hear a man talk about raising their child (especially sons) is refreshing since I see kids grow up without a father all too often.
Hats off to you for your decision to be both a father and a dad.
[/sentimental music]

*reverts to sarcastic asshole form*

[fredjacksonsan]

Something that has worked for tantrums for me, is to simply walk away and ignore it. Once they realize that a tantrum gets them zero attention, they'll quit. I've also walked away whistling or singing, or started a conversation with someone. Very effective.

[C2Z06]

My wife and n-laws try to "redirect" his attention. It just prolongs it. Funny how tantrums don't occur when it's just him and I. There have been a few occasions that he's thrown tantrums and I've moved to a chair that he couldn't see me. He'll walk up and want to climb in my lap. About a minute later he shuts up and plays with a toy. But mostly, it's just one warning and then a swat. Funny how my dad and I are the only two who does that and my n-laws are amazed that most of the time, we only have to tell him something once and he listens. Boundries...promotes discipline, security and self-esteem...kids want to know you're the parent and not them.

[speediva]

I want to start having kids in the next 5 years or so, and I have been swearing for as long as I've wanted to be a teacher that I will spank my child(ren) if it is necessary. "Johnny, stop" only goes so far...

I will go into a store or something and see a kid misbehaving, and when I see the parent spank their child, they always think I'm going to say something mean to them about it. I always respond that they handled it well (unless they didn't, of course) and that I think spanking is a great way to teach a child to avoid unwanted behavior.

So, basically, I think you're doing a great job parenting, based upon what you've said. Keep up the good work... I hope more of my parents start spanking their kids at an early age so they aren't such heathens when I get them later in life.

[MagicRat]

As the dad of a 5 month old, I know how you feel.
Just today, I got a bit choked up about the death of 3 young boys in a Lebanese family, when their car was hit by an Israeli shell. The youngest boy had been born in the back seat of that same car hours earlier, as they drove north to safety.

Politics aside, we all worry about our children, and in turn, as good parents, we worry about other people's kids, too and we understand what their parents must be going through. It comes with the job of being a parent.

I used to not care much about the safety of the older cars I drove. If they had no airbags, or were small, or were worn out, I didn't care too much about MY safety. But I do now. My son deserves a safer vehicle to ride in AND his dad needs to live to make sure he grows up in the best possible environment.

[Oz]

It sounds like you're doing a good job and you know exactly where it's at. Set boundaries, enforce rules and reward good behaviour.

[C2Z06]

My mom always thought my brother-n-law was too hard on his kids. @ 6'6", 290lbs, he's an intimidating redneck (which he's proud of). Once they were able to start walking, it was a one warning and then a swat. He can be 100yrds away, tell them once and they listen now. It's been since they were in the 1st grade since either of them had a spanking. They're in the 6th & 5th grades now. Everyone loves them and are the types of kids you'd want to babysit. At first I thought he was too hard. But as they listened more, he punished less and it's paid off and these kids have pretty good self-esteem and self-discipline. He's generally my role-model (spelling?).

[highteknology]

honestly, i think kids need more physical discipline, like what you are doing. my parents used to smack me when i got in trouble as a little kid. back then i think every kids parents did that. but now i go into a store and a kid misbehaves and the parent is like "don't do that" and they keep on doing it. i learned after a short period that gettin hit hurts so i stopped gettin in trouble.

[C2Z06]

I can't see how people could hurt kids like that. Some people say that Mike Walsh went overboard when his son Adam was kidnapped, molested and then murdered in hunting down the culprit. I honestly don't think so. If that were to happen to me, I'm sure I'd turn into the next Mike Walsh myself. To know that a child, especially yours is treated in such horrible ways is saddening and sickening to put it as mildly as possible. Some juries have found fathers not guilty of murder for taking revenge on those who try to hurt their families and for good reason. Some scream against the right to bear arms, but I would in a heartbeat, pull the trigger on some one if it meant saving my wife or son. The right to bear for self-defense and this is just.

I played with my son this morning and almost took a "personal day" just to take him to the park and play. They're such treasures. To think people beat, rape, torture etc kids is maddening to the mind and a topic I don't think I can dwell on. It's a fear in my heart, especially since I was molested myself at 11.