damn women

[beef_bourito]

k so I have a problem. I went to a boarding school for my high school year. my last year there (this past year) I became pretty close to this one girl. we spent most of our spares together and when i had free time (which wasn't often) i was usually talking to her on msn. we'd talk every meal, etc etc.

so, everyone at school was saying we should go out and me, being the pussy that i am, i didn't ask her out. so summer comes around, i go on a week-long mission trip and come back to work. she works alot during the week and we've only been able to see eachother once so far.

here comes my problem, this past monday or tuesday i see she has a guy in her display pic, i ask who he is, she sais it's her boyfriend. like wtf. so that got me right pissed off, didn't tell her obviously cause i don't want to make things all awkward. Right now i'm just wondering if she actually likes me or if she just wants to be friends. i don't know if she went out with him because she doesn't have feelings for me or because i didn't ask her first. a little advice would be helpfull.

right now i'm just going to wait until it's over, until then just try to keep in touch and hang out and shit. once it's over, wait for a while for her to get over it then ask her out.

so advice/comments

[blindside.AMG]

You've known this girl for about a year already?? Congratulations!!! You're officially a FRIEND!!!! There's little hope for a relationship now unfortunately. You're one last chance might be after she breaks up with the new guy and you move in. But chances are slim to none at this point. Sorry.

[Rally Sport]

Totally in the friend zone! If you actually want to have ANY chance at all to get her to be your girlfriend or.. anything else you have to stop talking to her whenever she wants you to, you have to be as if you're not touchable.

[pickle]

There's always hope, I dated my friend after knowing him for 3 years. He's no longer a friend or a boyfriend but it's no big loss. It really depends on how long you're willing to wait for her.

[Nicole8188]

I agree that it depends on how long you're willing to wait for her. You shouldn't have wasted your chance before, but there's always hope.

On a side note, I always thought I was going to marry my best friend, we've been friends for 6 years. We went through phases of liking and not liking each other, but we both had terrible timing. Now we're just friends and incredibly happy nothing ever happened between us.

[00accord44]

Yeah guy. You're officially in the Friend Zone The worst place known to man. Its possible to break free of this but its risky. I've entered the dreaded friend zone before. But before you attempt to break free you must be absolutely sure that this girl actually likes you. Now that she's "taken" you may want to wait, but if she truly has feelings for you, then she'd ditch the other guy. Again risky. But the only way to break out of the zone is to be aggressive. Only passive types like my former self fall into the friend zone. You gotta let her know your intentions or they'll never come to pass. Maybe (either consciously or not) she's dating this guy as a wake up call to you as in WTF ARE YOU WAITING FOR? But if you value your friendship more than you'd value her as a girlfriend, then maybe the risk is too much for you.

[jon@af]

Well, you pretty much said it yourself (please note, I'm not calling you a pussy.):

Originally Posted by beef_burrito

being the pussy that i am, i didn't ask her out.

I really don't see anyone you should be pissed at besides yourself, honestly. You knew about her, you had the connection to her, you had the opportunities (I'm guessing) but you just didn't follow through. Sorry mate, but inaction usually results in no action.

Yep. You're in the friend zone. I've been there before and on many occasions. Happens more than you think to more guys than you can imagine so don't feel like "damn, I failed, girls must not like me like that," because that's not the case at all. You've just got to accept it my friend. There are times when you can get out of the friend zone, but not too often, especially with a lot of high school girls (note, that comment is based on what I saw and experienced in high school)


On the other issue, I wouldn't dwell on this too much. You're young yet and this is just another stepping stone in life. EVERYONE has a crush on someone in high school. Trust me, there are plenty of women out there and there is no point in beating yourself up over the one you didn't get. If she's really amazing and you can't see yourself without at least one date then wait all you like. Otherwise, don't worry.

My advice would be to just stay friends with her. If it just so happens that in the future things between you change and she becomes interested in becoming more than friends, take the chance, but don't worry about it right now. It's summer! Scope the hotties.

[beef_bourito]

thanks all for the advice. i'm probably just going to stay friends with her, if she seems to like me "that way" after this guy i might go for it. I really don't want to ruin our friendship but i'd like at least one date to find out. ill probably just take her out as a friend, then go from there.

[ghostrx7]

u should just come straight out with it, but dont sound desperate. just say i have a crush on you, and see how she reacts....

[00accord44]

Originally Posted by ghostrx7

u should just come straight out with it, but dont sound desperate. just say i have a crush on you, and see how she reacts....

I dunno. I agree that you should come out with it but I'd avoid the word "crush" in particular. It reeks of 5th grade recess passing the "Do You Like Me? - Yes, No, Maybe" notes. Maybe to teenagers it doesn't sound as cheesy but I know if I said that, I'd get laughed at

[blindside.AMG]

Originally Posted by Nicole8188

Now we're just friends and incredibly happy nothing ever happened between us.

Nope!! Not a possibility if he's a straight man. He still wants to have sex with you.

[Oz]

You're in the friend zone for life buddy. You couldn't gather up the balls to ask her out and some other guy could - and you got angry?

WTF?

My advice - learn from it. And when you're after a woman, make your intentions clear from the start.

[vinnym86]

^or, if like me, you never had intentions to begin with, and half a year passes by and you find yourself falling for her, sieze the day, man... never wait on things like that, w/e the reason.

sry to hear that, bro, happened to me a while back in high school, you can only learn from it.

[BleedDodge]

Could she cook?

[beef_bourito]

Yeah she cooks really well, she also cleans and babysits because she's from russia and until she gets her greencard (or whatever the canadian equivalent is) she can't get a paycheck.