Am I Being To Controlling? (kind of long)

[losingxposer]

Wel my g/f and I have been seeing each other off and on for almost a year now. She moved in with my about 6 months ago. Everything seemed to go alright until she got her first car...(She is 20 and never moved out on her own until she moved in with me). Now when i get home from work...she is off with her other guy friends...at the movies, swimming at the beach..or shit like that. I know that they are her friends and whatnot ...but I mean when i've been working for 14 hours straight and just want to come home and relax with her she's off at the beach...Now she's hanging out with guys tyhat she works with and shit. This I really didn't have a problem with until one time when she came home at 4 in the morning from the beach with her 2 guy friends I got pissed because i didn't know what the hell was going on...she didn't call, leave a note or a damn thing...i didn't even know where she was until she finally came home...She said that they were just out having fun...But then I told her that I didn't want to hear it when I started staying out until 4 in the morning with some female friends that I work with. She said if i do i wouldn't hear the end of it because the guys that she hangs out with I know from school...she doesn't know my female friends and what not...too me it just isn't fair...so tell me...am i just an overly jealous person or is this some retarded shit.

[00accord44]

I think you're bein pretty reasonable about it. Unless you really know these guys, you gotta be suspicious. And I assume you don't or you'd be out with em too. But in 99.999% of cases, guys are friends with girls cuz they want to get in their pants at some point. It doesn't always happen, but its usually the goal.

There was a guy at my old job (David) who I worked with for about two months until he got fired. Then his girlfriend (Rebecca) started workin there. We were friends at first (which he was none too happy with) then gradually more than friends. We started hanging out til all hours of the night, sometimes she would just lie to him, sometimes tell a veiled semblance of the truth. Eventually David started goin crazy on her, stealin her phone to check her call logs, lookin at all her text messages and emials, one time he even took her phone and started a text conversation wih me posing as her just to catch her up. The last trick worked in theory but still didn't stop Rebecca from seeing me.

I don't say that just to make you paranoid or mad or whatever, but just a warning. I don't know you or your girl, so you make your own judgement call on wether she would be doing something like that. But at the same time, if you don't think its best to have a serious talk with her about it, you definitely don't want to become David. Rebecca would tell me all the crazy shit he would do and I really wondered why he wanted to be with her if thats how she treated him. His whole existance became wondering what she was doing and if she was doing it with me. Not the way you wanna live your days. You're too young for all that stress. If you really think she's cheating on you then she's probably not worth stressing over.

edit: Also, even if she's not actually messin around with any of these guys, its still somewhat inappropriate for her to be out with these guys at who knows where til 4 am. Just like it'd be inappropriate for you to do the same with some female friends. I guess it really depends on how well you know and trust the guys she's hangin out with.

[00accord44]

Sorry, don't mean to postwhore but my other post is already long as hell and I just had a revelation. Anyway...

As far as her hangin out with a group of guys, at the same time I was with Rebecca, we were hangin out with my friends who also worked at the same job. Plus the store manager, who we found out to be a really cool girl, only a few years older than us, also went out with us on a regular basis. So it was me and usually 2 often 3 of my guy friends hangin outwith these 2 girls. And when Rebecca wasn't around it was still us guys and Bonnie, the manager. So technically, yes I was messin around with Rebecca, but Bonnie was just one of the guys to us. Eventually, Bonnie and one of my friends started going out but that was much later down the road. Until that point, Bonnie was essentially one of the fellas. True, any of us would have jumped at the chance to get down to business with her, but no one ever tried her like that, made a move, gesture, suggestion, anything. Hell we were counseling her on how to keep it together with her boyfriend at the time, who was a dickhead btw.

So I dunno man, I've seen both sides of the coin you have in front of you personally. Hope you can find something useful in the longwindedness of my posts.

[losingxposer]

I don't know what to do...I mean I'm so young. I'm only 19...so i got my whole life ahead of me...i'll figure it out eventually.

[00accord44]

Don't mean to be the bitter old guy (hell I'm only 23) but I don't know many people who are with the person they were with at 19. People change and have different views of the world. So unless you have good reason to stay with this girl (ie little losingxposer jr) then try to reason with her, if she shows no desire to comprimise

[Jet-Lee]

Dude, ditch her, fuck. You ain't married, go fuck some others girls. It's your place, drive her ass on outta there.

She's got double standards that she's not willing to back down from. Fuck her.

I made it clear to my wife when we got together, if she's got guy friends I don't know, I get girl friends she doesn't know. Now, her guy friends have become mine and my girl friends hers, but the point was made early and understood early. We have our seperate friends, and if someone doesn't approve they speak up and we discuss it.

If your girl is gonna have double standards and be unreasonable, fuck her, find someone right.

[losingxposer]

Originally Posted by Jet-Lee

Dude, ditch her, fuck. You ain't married, go fuck some others girls. It's your place, drive her ass on outta there.

She's got double standards that she's not willing to back down from. Fuck her.

I made it clear to my wife when we got together, if she's got guy friends I don't know, I get girl friends she doesn't know. Now, her guy friends have become mine and my girl friends hers, but the point was made early and understood early. We have our seperate friends, and if someone doesn't approve they speak up and we discuss it.

If your girl is gonna have double standards and be unreasonable, fuck her, find someone right.

I sat down with her just a few minutes ago and had a nice long discussion about it. I made it clear to her that I don't give a fuck what guy she is hanging out with anymore...BUT being this is MY house that she is living in...I made it clear that I want to know if she is okay while she is out...I'm just going to start going and hanging with some of the hott ladies from work...if she doesn't like it...fuck it...she got all pissed off saying she isn't going out with them anymore and shit....making me sound like the bad guy of course...so the hell with it...she will just realize what she has missed once I'm gone. Because every other boyfriend never did what I've done...i cook for her...i wash her clothes...I take care of her when she is sick...i work extra long sometimes so she can afford the car payments and insurance on her car along with taking care of my own fucking bills...might as well say I'm married to her but she's not married to me...but she needs to learn to grow up and face reality that I'm not going to be her boytoy that she can sling around on a fucking string...I'm 19. I can get just about anyone I set my mind too.

[Shpyder]

Originally Posted by losingxposer

Now when i get home from work...she is off with her other guy friends...at the movies, swimming at the beach..or shit like that. I know that they are her friends and whatnot.

I am sorry, but in my book, that's a no no. .

These "guy friends", unless gay, are definitely out of bounds in my personal rules for a relationship. At a point, there can be no differentiation or seggregation of testosterone from platonic sincerity. And, swimming? Uhuh, time-out please. Come on, I'm a guy, I spend a lot of me time with my buddies at bars, in school, at the game, etc. I know the way we think, and when there's a lone female in our midst, more than a significant majority of the fellas view that lady as nothing more than a piece of meat.

You need to have a talk with her. It's different when she's out in a group with an equal ratio of both sexes, or you are accompanying her. But to be the only female in the middle of a sausage fest with men you don't know? No sir, I think not . And I set the same rules for myself, in a serious relationship. If I were to get any sort of flak regarding my requests, I would dump the girl the next day, as that would represent a core difference in the fundamentals of a relationship. There are very few rules in my book, but this would be in the top three for sure. Because, you see, it'll never end. Gradually, it becomes okay for the woman to think she can have sleepovers at the "freinds" houses, etc...the list is endless.

It's a simple abstract for me, really: The woman to whom I devote my time, love, and money, is mine. I will treat her like a queen and protect her like the jewel in the crown. Another man looks at her funny, I will rip him and his entire progeny to shreds. So yes. I guess that means no more long nights out with the "boys". Just a personal 2 cents.

[Jet-Lee]

Originally Posted by losingxposer

I sat down with her just a few minutes ago and had a nice long discussion about it. I made it clear to her that I don't give a fuck what guy she is hanging out with anymore...BUT being this is MY house that she is living in...I made it clear that I want to know if she is okay while she is out...I'm just going to start going and hanging with some of the hott ladies from work...if she doesn't like it...fuck it...she got all pissed off saying she isn't going out with them anymore and shit....making me sound like the bad guy of course...so the hell with it...she will just realize what she has missed once I'm gone. Because every other boyfriend never did what I've done...i cook for her...i wash her clothes...I take care of her when she is sick...i work extra long sometimes so she can afford the car payments and insurance on her car along with taking care of my own fucking bills...might as well say I'm married to her but she's not married to me...but she needs to learn to grow up and face reality that I'm not going to be her boytoy that she can sling around on a fucking string...I'm 19. I can get just about anyone I set my mind too.

Good job, dude.

BTW-In reference to the thread title: No, you're not being too controlling.

[WickedNYCowboy]

You are not being controlling by any means. I think you are just looking out for her and her safety. Being somewhere at 4 am is not the safest thing to be doing no matter who you are with or where you live. Your handling the situation properly. Not to be nosey but how long has this been going on for?

[losingxposer]

Originally Posted by WickedNYCowboy

You are not being controlling by any means. I think you are just looking out for her and her safety. Being somewhere at 4 am is not the safest thing to be doing no matter who you are with or where you live. Your handling the situation properly. Not to be nosey but how long has this been going on for?

She's done it a few times but she seems like she can just up and go ever since that she got her car. Last night the only reason she had for going last week was because I was working nights now not mornings. Now tell me that isn't some bullshit.

[Jet-Lee]

Refer to my first post.

Fuck her, move on.

EDIT-*Turns off light* <--- So my shadow can't follow.

[jon@af]

I'm pretty much with everyone else. She's got a lot of growing up to do. She's taking advantage of you waaaaaaay too obviously. I would play the single life for a while. You've got a new pad so save your money and live your own life. She's being way too disrespectful of what you do for her to deserve the way you treat her. I can promise you that if my girlfriend did what yours is doing, I would tell her to shape up or ship out, ESPECIALLY if she was staying out til 4 in the morning. That shit would NOT happen.

[00accord44]

Originally Posted by Jet-Lee

EDIT-*Turns off light* <--- So my shadow can't follow.

Damn. I failed... life is not worth living. I am now emo

[Jet-Lee]

Originally Posted by J_Swigz

I'm pretty much with everyone else. She's got a lot of growing up to do. She's taking advantage of you waaaaaaay too obviously. I would play the single life for a while. You've got a new pad so save your money and live your own life. She's being way too disrespectful of what you do for her to deserve the way you treat her. I can promise you that if my girlfriend did what yours is doing, I would tell her to shape up or ship out, ESPECIALLY if she was staying out til 4 in the morning. That shit would NOT happen.

*Turns off light*

You're too nice, Swigz. If my wife/girl was doing exactl what he describes, the only thing I'd be saying is "Goodbye."