A memo to all employees.

[Polygon]

Memo to all employees:

Special High Intensity Training(S.H.I.T.)

In order to assure the highest levels of qualities of work and productivity of work from employees,it will be our policey to keep all employees well trained through SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.).We are trying to give to give our employees more S.H.I.T. than any one else.If you feel that you did not recive your share of S.H.I.T. on the course, please see your supervisor.You will be imedetly put on the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our supervisors are expecaly traind to see you get all of the S.H.I.T. you can handle.Employees who didnt take there share of S.H.I.T.,will be placed the DEPARTMENT of EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAM(D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T.).All those who fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T).Since your supervisors already took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted,they dont have to take S.H.I.T.,or do S.H.I.T.,because they are already full of S.H.I.T., you might be intrested in teaching others,you will be added to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LIST of LEADERS(B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.).For employees intending to prusue a job in management and consulting, we will refur you to the department of MANAGRIAL OPERIZATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T.)This course on how to manage M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T.If you any question contact the HEAD OF TEACHING SPEACIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T.S.H.I.T.). Thank you,BOSS IN GENERAL,SPECAIL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING(B.I.G.S.H.I.T.).Thank you for your your time.

Snicerly,The DIRECTOR UNDER the MAIN BUREAU of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (D.U.M.B.S.H.I.T)

[YogsVR4]

This memo is to announce the development of a new plant-wide software system. We are currently building a data warehouse that will contain plant manufacturing data. The program is referred to as the 'Manufacturing Information Access Software System' (MIASS).

Next Monday at 9:00 there will be a meeting in which I will show MIASS. We will continue to hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at MIASS. As for the status of the implementation of the program, I have not addressed the networking aspects so currently only one person can be in MIASS at a time. This should change as MIASS expands.

Several people are using the program already and have come to depend on it. Just this morning I walked into a subordinate's office and was not surprised to find that he had his nose buried in MIASS. I've noticed that some of the less technical personnel are somewhat afraid of MIASS.

Just last week, when asked to enter some information into the program, I had a secretary say to me 'I'm a little nervous, I've never put anything in MIASS before.' I volunteered to help her through her first time and when we were through she admitted that it was relatively painless and she was actually looking forward to doing it again. She went so far as to say that after using SAP and Oracle, she was ready to kiss MIASS.

I know there are concerns over the virus that was found in MIASS upon initial installation, but I am pleased to say the virus has been eliminated and we were able to save MIASS. In the future, however, protection will be required prior to entering MIASS.

We planned this database to encompass all information associated with the business. So as you begin using the program, feel free to put anything you want into MIASS. As MIASS grows larger, we envision a time when it will be commonplace to walk by an office and see a manager hand a paper to an employee and say, 'Here, stick this in MIASS.'

This program has already demonstrated great benefit to the company during recent OSHA, ISO 9000 and EPA audits. After requesting certain historical data the agency representatives were amazed at how quickly we provided the information.

When asked how the numbers could be retrieved so rapidly our Environmental Manager proudly stated 'Simple, I just pulled them out of MIASS.'

[ragt20]

seen first one b4...not sure bout second one... still fun E...:hehehe:

[Spec2 Girl]

Originally posted by ragt20
seen first one b4...

Same! :hehehe:

[Damien]

I haven't seen any of them! And they are funny!

[tazdev]

hadn't heard the second one before, its all class.


now kiss miass

[Ssom]

That first one was the S.H.I.T!!!