in need of serious help

[highteknology]

alright, well i know that alot of posts and stuff on here like to include humor and i love laughing at all the posts i read. this time though i would appreciate it if the posts could be a little more serious.

over the past few weeks i have been doing a little research on alcoholism. unfortunately i think that someone very close to me is an alcoholic. this is really the second time i have talked about this issue. it's hard just because i don't want to admit to myself that this person may be one. before you ask it is not me, and i don't care if you say something like "he's just sayin that but it really is him". that's fine but it is not me. basically all i'm askin for is some signs that you all may know of that tend to run with alcoholics. maybe also some ways to bring it up to the person or the person's friends. i can obviously tell that it is starting to have an effect on the entire family. i'd appreciate your help and try and keep it some what serious. i know taht humor helps any situation so you can throw some out there if you feel so inclined.

[fredjacksonsan]

Sometimes it can be a short trip from "life of the party" to "alcoholic".

Some people can drink a lot and be alright.

Seems to me that where you cross that line is when you can't stop drinking once you've started. If someone HAS to drink almost every day to make things normal, or drinks (all the time) to deal with stress, or can't go without drinking, or when drinking begins to affect their life in a negative way, then there's a problem. I'm sure there are hundreds of websites to check out, but I found this one to be simple and straitforward:

http://www.d12.com/Resources/Alcoholism%20Self-Test.htm

If this sounds like someone you know (hey, whether it's you or not doesn't really matter, does it? ) then it's time to take some action. The tough part will be dealing with the individual's denial/anger/etc.

Hope that helps out some.

[highteknology]

thanks for the info. i'll check the site out when i have some more time to really look it over.

maybe i'm just blowing the whole thing out of proportion but every day after work the person goes straight to the fridge. usually opens one after another until about 8 or 8:30. that's like a good 5 hours. i drink water every chance i get, just because i'm always thirsty and i like water. he would rather drink beer. like the saying says "save water, drink beer". his mood also changes when de drinks. if he's drinkin he's happy and cheery. when he's sober he's grumpy and crabby. almost like he didnt get enough sleep, but i know he's gettin at least 9 hours of sleep a night.

[fredjacksonsan]

Originally Posted by highteknology

thanks for the info. i'll check the site out when i have some more time to really look it over.

maybe i'm just blowing the whole thing out of proportion but every day after work the person goes straight to the fridge. usually opens one after another until about 8 or 8:30. that's like a good 5 hours. i drink water every chance i get, just because i'm always thirsty and i like water. he would rather drink beer. like the saying says "save water, drink beer". his mood also changes when de drinks. if he's drinkin he's happy and cheery. when he's sober he's grumpy and crabby. almost like he didnt get enough sleep, but i know he's gettin at least 9 hours of sleep a night.

The site I showed the link for is only one long page of text, take a couple minutes to read.

Sounds like a problem to me....especially the mood change and straight to the fridge/one after another/every day. I mean most people get happy when they drink, but....

[highteknology]

i didn't think it was that short, hence the reason i was putting it off until later. but after reading it helped me a lot and i'll start watching for more of the signs. i guess the biggest hurdle i'm going to face is how to approach the person and tell them that i think they may have a problem.

[fredjacksonsan]

Email him the link?

Print it out and mail the page's content to him anonymously?

Or, if he's the kind of guy you can talk to, talk to him.

A lot depends on his personality and how he'll react to the information. Best not to bring it up after/while he's drinking either.

[2.2 Straight six]

discussing it really depeneds on how close you are, if you're close and there are no boundries between you get them alone, sit down and talk about, you need to find the root of the cause before you can stop it.

in a strange way drinking can be like weeds (of the garden variety) you can cut them down (take away the drink) but you need to find the root (cause) and stop it that way. you need to find what triggered the drinking, if it's a problem with something in the person's life then try and find something to make it better. if you just prevent them from getting the drink they'll get more keen to find it.

i dont think mailing an anonymous letter would help. remember, only the people clsoe to the person would know there's a problem, and only those close would know the address. if you do that they may feel you're spying on them or conpiring against them and that wont help anyone. the best way to talk about it is just that, talk about it.

the way you go about stopping it is up to you, they may find AA meetings helpful, or they find that they want to keep the help within the family and not have other people involved. the main thing is support, if you want to help them they have to know that you're going to be there for them whenever they need you. dont just try grabbing the drink away from them anytime they get one from the fridge, talk to them about, ask if they're sure they want it.

allow them to cut down slowly, stopping the drinking immediately wont help, they'll get withdraw symtoms, mood swings, unhappiness, losing trust in others. let the drinking be allowed within reason. you also need to let them know that there's a point where they dont need another drink.

the main thing is be supportive, make sure they know you only want to help them, don't try and contorl them or their life, be friendly. they have to know you're only looking out for them and you're not trying to dictate how they live.

i hope that's of some help.

[quteasabutton]

you can also trying to go to the AA yourself if you want to find out some ways that you can help your friend. i'm sure they would be very helpful. i'm sorry to hear about your friend too i hope everything gets better. as far as finding the root of the problem, you could try talking to him about girls, his job, things that might be going on in his family. idk what guys really talk about tho so i'm just sorta guessing..

[sameintheend01]

Originally Posted by quteasabutten

you can also trying to go to the AA yourself if you want to find out some ways that you can help your friend. i'm sure they would be very helpful. i'm sorry to hear about your friend too i hope everything gets better. as far as finding the root of the problem, you could try talking to him about girls, his job, things that might be going on in his family. idk what guys really talk about tho so i'm just sorta guessing..

AA is for alcoholics. i think you meant he should go to Al-anon (which is for ppl affected by alcoholics). I've heard good things about this program and you should def check it out.

[fredjacksonsan]

Good point, same.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/