The Dangers of Birth Control

[Smmoke]

You know the sweaty, sharp locker-room odor that occurs when large numbers of men congregate in an enclosed space? Men, you've smelled it... but have you smelled the feminine version? Perhaps if you've ever been inside a female locker room. I haven't, so I don't know what one smells like. But I did have the privilege of being in the basement of a college campus building when all of the sororities were having information sessions.

Well, I got hit with the female equivalent of that smell, and trust me; it is nothing I EVER want to have to smell again. A damp cloud of warm perfume-and-sweat-smelling fumes that was made up predominantly of all the things guys don't understand about women... a cloud of estrogen and pheromones strong enough to make me stagger... a cloud of feminine hubris which filled my soul with despair and made me reconsider life as I knew it. The smell put me on edge, fogged my mind, and made me feel akin to the feeling of walking down a dim, blood-stained hallway straight out of a zombie movie.

Men, you know of what I speak; it is the same feeling you get whenever you see a birth-control pill. There is something engrained in our brains that, whenever we see one of those little pink pills, says “NO.” The estrogen smell and the pill: both can destroy everything you are. With the smell, it’s a more fundamental, reptilian instinct; the nose smells the fumes, and sends a signal to the brain: “WARNING! AMBIENT ESTROGEN LEVELS CRITICAL! EVACUATE AREA ASAP!” The pill is a more indirect representation of womanhood; men incur the knowledge of what the pill represents, what the pill is, so that the pill becomes what it represents. Estrogen. And the male brain is chilled. That damn pill is the Anti-Male. It NEGATES us. The toughest man will tear a steel phonebook in half with his teeth, throw a Mini Cooper 30 yards, turn a chunk of carbon into a diamond in the back of his knee, and crumble into a blithering, whimpering fool at the threat of being fed a birth-control pill. Fucked-up shit happens when a man takes one of those pink tablets (Shit, they’re pink too… can it get any fucking worse? Couldn’t they have at least made them white? Or gray? A nice neutral color?). His titties swell to unforeseen proportions and begin to leak sour milk, his dick shrinks inward in an inverse boner, his facial hair falls out, his testicles empty themselves in the night and don’t recover for months… it even goes so far that some men attest to having inexplicable urges to sing with matching pitch to songs by Paula Cole and Sarah McLachlan.

The worst problem is that women carry the damn things with them everywhere they go; that little packet is like an extension of the purse, and this creates a contamination hazard. Picture the following scenario. A couple of women who are on the same schedule are hanging out at a party, and there is a buffet with potato salad. Oh shit, it’s time to take our birth control! One of those bitches pops the pill out of its case, and WHOOPS! It falls into the bowl of potato salad, and NOW she can’t figure out where it went! With luck, someone will notice. But what if the buffet guy, not looking at the potato salad, comes and refills it, covering up the pill with more potato salad? One would hope a woman ate that part of the salad, if it was eaten. But considering the makeup of a given potato salad (loads of complex white carbs, mayo, egg, etc), it will likely be a male who falls victim to the careless woman’s folly.

Men... beware. Examine your potato salad for foreign objects. For that matter, it may be wise to avoid all buffet-style meals when women are present. For my sanity, for males everywhere, and most of all, for your chest, please. Be careful.

[quteasabutton]

lol i thought this was going to be something serious. and trust me, women's locker rooms often do smell bad, but not cuz we smell like ass you like boys. its from all the girls that feel the need to drown themselves in perfume. walk one step in and you get hit with about 18 different scents at once. it's gotten to the point i don't even need to bring my own, being in there will give me my own free dousing of perfume. crazy huh? so now you all know what a woman's locker room smells like. at least in middle school and high school.

[Ralliart 3000gt]

Originally Posted by quteasabutten

you like boys.

I don’t know about any one else but all this shit about that pink pill is freaking me out, especially the part about liking boys.

[driftinggrifter2]

[quote=quteasabutten]lol i thought this was going to be something serious. and trust me, women's locker rooms often do smell bad, but not cuz we smell like ass like you boys. QUOTE]
there you go qute

[beef_bourito]

i dont need to go to a locker room to change, one of the perks of going to a boarding school is i get my own room that i can change in. the only problem is that then i have my gym shirt that hasn't been washed in 3 or 4 weeks and has gone through at least 24 workouts. so i just wait untill it gets unbareable, then douse it in gasoline and dispose of it, nothing will get that smell out.

[stieh2000]

Originally Posted by beef_bourito

i dont need to go to a locker room to change, one of the perks of going to a boarding school is i get my own room that i can change in.

Or you could be at college and not have to take any damn physical education courses!

[beef_bourito]

Originally Posted by stieh2000

Or you could be at college and not have to take any damn physical education courses!

I'm done with phys ed, i did grade 12 phys ed in grade 11. i just work out for the health benefits and for sports (rowing and soccer). you should try it sometime, it feels good.

[FlippiN.af]

That was werd...but now I'm freaked out...someone help me.......plz!

[imtheoneandonlyD]

Originally Posted by stieh2000

Or you could be at college and not have to take any damn physical education courses!

Thats not college, thats called lazy.

[BleedDodge]

I've smelled girls a time or two and they didn't smell that bad.

[GForce957]

Originally Posted by BleedDodge

I've smelled girls a time or two and they didn't smell that bad.

Well of course they are going to smell good if they are cooking a nice meal...

[BleedDodge]

Originally Posted by GForce957

Well of course they are going to smell good if they are cooking a nice meal...

You know that's for sure.

[turtlecrxsi]

Don't be around a sweaty girl having her period in the woods on a hike or just enjoying nature for there will surely be a bear close by and possibly an untimely mauling...

[Damien]

so, im assumin' he took one...sucks to be you.

[imtheoneandonlyD]

Originally Posted by turtlecrxsi

Don't be around a sweaty girl having her period in the woods on a hike or just enjoying nature for there will surely be a bear close by and possibly an untimely mauling...

You see that...bears...now your putting the whole damn site in jeopardy. Just great.