memo from head office

[ragt20]

Dear Employees

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of
normal conversation with their co-workers.
Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended,
this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately
express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list
of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of
ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of
offending our more sensitive employees. This way, the more sensitive among
us can just refer this list to grasp the real meaning.


TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f*ck do you expect me to do this?

TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f*cking way.

TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh1tting me!

TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh1t.

TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f*cking problem.

TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f*ck?

TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh1t won't work.

TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his ass.

TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh1t and die.

TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass.

TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F*ck it, I'm on salary.

TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.

TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.

TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the hell died and made you boss?

TRY SAYING: I see.
INSTEAD OF: Blow me.

TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a prick.

TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a ball-busting bitch.

TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f*ck you're doing.

Thank You, :smoka:

[Spec2 Girl]

But the rude answers convey the message so much better!

[Damien]

I just don't think I can f*ckin do it.

Those f*cking sh1tty anger management classes aren't f*cking workin

So go shove it up your a$$! Ragt20!














j/p :silly2:

I don't cuss anyhow except like
.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 01% of the time. Ya know?

[curious]

I could definately use some of those!!!

I dont think my "blunt" responses at work are that appreciated!!!!

[Ando_Rules]

man that company must suck they cant swear at each other thats gotta suck

[ragt20]

or u could try these...

THE TOP 27 THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD SAY AT WORK

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of s**t.
2. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a f**k.
3. How about "never"? Is "never" good for you?
4. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
5. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself
in public.
6. Ahhh, I see the f*ck-up fairy has visited us again.
7. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
8. I'm already visualising the duct tape over your mouth.
9. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
10. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change
the subject.
11. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about
you.
12. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to
pronounce.
13. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely
coincidental.
14. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and
stupid.
15. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
16. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
17. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique
point of view.
18. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
19. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
20. No, my powers can only be used for good.
21. I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to
worship me.
22. You sound reasonable......time to up my medication.
23. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
24. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
25. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
26. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
27. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!

And now Useful Expressions for those HIGH STRESS days
(dunno where No. 5 went!! )

1. Well, aren't we just a ray of f*cking sunshine?
2. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
3. Do I look like a f*cking people person?
4. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
6. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
7. You! Off my planet!!
8. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.
9. I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.
10. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
11. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
12. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
13. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego ?
14. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
15. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
16. When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
17. Earth is full, Go home.