a couple of funny ones ! ! ! !

[ragt20]

Now that they are retired, my mother and father are discussing
all aspects of their future. "What will you do if I die before
you do?" Dad asked Mom.

After some thought, she said that she'd probably look for a
house sharing situation with three other single or widowed
women who might be a little younger than herself, since she
is so active for her age.

Then Mom asked Dad, "What will you do if I die first?"

He replied, "Probably the same thing."
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<< A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk
> > when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the
> > river. He proceeds to walk into the water and
> > subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher
> > turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of
> > alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, "Are
> > you ready to find Jesus?"
> >
> > The drunk answers, "Yes, I am."
> >
> > So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.
> > He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother have
> > you found Jesus?"
> >
> > The drunk replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus."
> >
> > The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the
> > water again for a little longer this time. He again
> > pulls him out of the water and asks again, "Have you
> > found Jesus my brother?"
> >
> > The drunk again answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus."
> >
> > By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks
> > the drunk in the water again---but this time holds him
> > down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking
> > his arms and legs he pulls him up. The preacher again
> > asks the drunk, "For the love of God have you found
> > Jesus?"
> >
> > The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and
> > says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he was?"
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Equal Opportunity Employer

A local business was looking for office help. They put
a sign in the window saying:

"HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a
computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal
Opportunity Employer."

A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the
window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the
receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to
the sign, looked at it and whined.

Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office
manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was
surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked
determined, so he led him into the office. Inside, the
dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.

The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you
have to be able to type."

The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and
proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the
page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to
him, then jumped back on the chair.

The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The
sign says you have to be good with a computer."

The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The
dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various
programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database
and presented them to the manager.

By this time the manager was totally dumbfounded! He
looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a
very intelligent dog and have some interesting
abilities. However, I still can't give you the job."

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and
put his paw on the part about being an Equal
Opportunity Employer.

The manager said, "Yes, but the sign also says that you
have to be bilingual."

The dog looked at him straight in the face and said,
"Meow."
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