An emergency?!

[tonioseven]

A stoner stumbles out of a party, and starts to walk home.
One the way he bumps into a guy who is all bloody and mangled.
The guy limps up to the stoner and says "Call me an ambulance!"
The stoner looks at him for a second, smiles and says, "You're an ambulance!"




NASA, Full Of Bright People

Three men were in a NASA conference room to decide how to spend $10 billion.
"I think we should put our men on Mars!" said the first man.
"Ooh, good idea," said the other two.
"I think we should put our men on Venus!" said the second man.
"Ooh, good idea," said the other two.
"I think we should put our men on the Sun!"
"How are you going to do that?"
"Easy. We go at night."



Hang Man

A boy comes running into the kitchen and says, "Mommy, mommy! Grandpa hanged himself in the living room!" His mother runs into the living room, and sees no one there. Angrily, she says, "Listen. You should never lie like that to me again, do you understand!?!" "I'm sorry," says the boy. "I was just kidding. He hanged himself in the basement."




The Lady and the Facelift

A 47 year-old lady gets a facelift. It turns out very well and she enjoys showing off her new look. She goes to the newsstand and asks the man, ''Sir, how old do you think I am''?
The man replies ''You're 30, right?'' She says ''No, I'm 47, but nice try.''
The next day, she goes to McDonald's. She orders her lunch and asks the young man at the counter, ''How old do you think I am?''
The man replies, ''You're 37, right?''
The lady says ''No, I'm 47, but good guess.''
After lunch, she gets on the bus and she asks an 85-year-old man how old she is. He replies ''Lady, I can tell how old any woman is by sticking my hand down her panties.''
So, quietly and quickly, she lets him do so. He thinks a moment and announces, ''You're 47!''
The lady, astonished, asks, ''How did you know?''
The old man replies ''I was standing right behind you at McDonald's.''

[TerminalVelocity]

....?

Did this happen? Is this a DARE ad?....Im confused....

[kicker1_solo]

ha, those are good, I like the last one

[Damien]

ah Tonio posting personal experiences again.

[stoned_pimp420]

Where's the emergency?

[TerminalVelocity]

only the first one was there when I postred...lol!

[FlippiN.af]

Originally Posted by tonioseven

Hang Man

A boy comes running into the kitchen and says, "Mommy, mommy! Grandpa hanged himself in the living room!" His mother runs into the living room, and sees no one there. Angrily, she says, "Listen. You should never lie like that to me again, do you understand!?!" "I'm sorry," says the boy. "I was just kidding. He hanged himself in the basement."

My fav.

[SLoe]

Originally Posted by tonioseven

The Lady and the Facelift

A 47 year-old lady gets a facelift. It turns out very well and she enjoys showing off her new look. She goes to the newsstand and asks the man, ''Sir, how old do you think I am''?
The man replies ''You're 30, right?'' She says ''No, I'm 47, but nice try.''
The next day, she goes to McDonald's. She orders her lunch and asks the young man at the counter, ''How old do you think I am?''
The man replies, ''You're 37, right?''
The lady says ''No, I'm 47, but good guess.''
After lunch, she gets on the bus and she asks an 85-year-old man how old she is. He replies ''Lady, I can tell how old any woman is by sticking my hand down her panties.''
So, quietly and quickly, she lets him do so. He thinks a moment and announces, ''You're 47!''
The lady, astonished, asks, ''How did you know?''
The old man replies ''I was standing right behind you at McDonald's.''

That one made me lol

[nissan_240sx]

^ lol

[YogsVR4]

Thanks Tonio