Well that was a complete disaster...

[93rollaracer]

I don't think this really belongs in the music forum seeing as how not much music was involved and everybody needs to read this story...it's great. I wrote this one for the band's myspace page and just lifted it from there. Anyways, here's my account of the 2-18-06 Opeth, Dark Tranquility, The Devin Townsend Band show.

Quick background. Dan, Wakefield and Dennison are friends of mine and we're coming from St. Bonaventure Univ. which is in western NY, 3-4 hours from Pittsburgh.

Dear fucking Lord what a night. Where to begin...

Right here...

Well the lovely day started about 2:30 when I checked Mr. Smalls' website and called them to see if the Opeth show in fucking Pittsburgh was sold out. I got no indication that it was, so the trip was a go. Dan, Wakefield, Dennison and me were headed to Pittsburgh.

We get on the road and it's snowy as shit. Took longer than we expected to get down there and it was fucking cold as hell. No more than 10 degrees. We jump out of the car, run down the street and see the marquee:

"OPETH-SOLD OUT"

God fucking dammit. So first we try the box office to see if they have any tickets left over, no good. We try to see if we can sneak in the front door. Not without playing Ozzfest (TUH speak for getting arrested). So Dan calls one of his buddies who says "Go around the back and pay the bouncer and he'll let you in." A glimmer of hope?!

Fuck no.

We go around the back and any one of about 5 doors could be said back door. So we start with the one by Opeth's tour bus. We sneak around for a bit and pretty much end up back where we started, just above the box office. Then a dude catches us and tells us to talk to the box office people again. Yeah THAT will go over huge. Failure #3 and The Devin Townsend Band hasn't even gone on yet.

So we go around again and find the right door this time. Talk to security "DEEERRRRR...There's nothing I can do for you guys." Calls his boss, that guy comes around "Yea I feel sorry for you guys, but I can't help you." Translation: "Go fuck yourselves."

By this point we're a) out of ideas and b) cold as shit. So we head back to the car and Dan keeps calling people, one of which says we should talk to The Devin Townsend Band's roadie. Good call...except for the fact they're not out yet. So Wakefield, Dennison and me wait in the car and Dan goes and offers sexual favors for a ticket. It worked. He got in for two songs of Dark Tranquility. He called and said he was in, I responded by saying if he didn't get his black ass outside ASAP the three of us were leaving with his car and credit cards. He came out. His excuse was that he was seeing if there was anyway to get us in. Alright buddy.

Anyways, we're out of ideas so we wait until TDTB's crew (two guys) come out and start loading up the bus. We go over and beg and get offered posters for our troubles. Off to a good start.

One thing leads to another and we end up helping load up the bus. I ended up carrying Devy's guitar in and writing "WE HAVE NO FUCKING SHAME -TUH" on wall of the band's bus. Hopefully they see it and stop by the site. Good fucking luck.

So then we get our posters for our efforts and I get Devy's guitar pick he used tonight. METAL!!!

Then Brian, the coolest roadie on the planet, says "Hey I have an idea..." He gives Dan and me backstage passes and takes us in the front door. The bitch at the door flips because Dan's been in and out about four times by this point. Brian says, "I'm just taking them back to meet Devin and then kicking their asses out." WE'RE IN FOR OPETH!!! Problem is, he's not gonna be able to get Wakefield and Dennison in. Dan and me decide we're not assholes, so we stick around for one song and get out of there. On the way out, we see there's a different person at the door so Wakefield and Dennison could have gotten in. FanTUHstic.

Well anyways at this point we're satisfied so we head back. We drive around Pittsburgh looking for a steak place. Failure. We end up driving north for a while and coming to a wonderful restaurant called Kings. Worst food EVER. I can't even justify it with a joke. It was God awful. But look on the bright side. Wakefield and me got brown shirts with a big frown on the front for Tuesday's show and Dan got a youth small to wear as a headband.

Is the adventure finally over?

Fuck no!

A few miles down the road, Wakefield decides he's gonna win the lottery (take a shit). So we stop at a rest stop and he runs in. Well...hobbles. Anyways, a few minutes later he comes out and tells us he not only won the lottery, he got a tattoo (vomited) also. Thanks Kings!!!

Anyways, we were so out of energy by that point that, aside from the shitty weather again, it was pretty much a quiet ride home.

Dear fucking Lord what a night...


P.S.: Our site is www.myspace.com/tuhmetal incase any of you want to check it out.

[Rally Sport]

Haha, you know its been a long couple of hours when you get that quiet ride home.

I'll add you though.. just for the hell of it.

[-Davo]

sounds like a cool night to me, you got in for free, saw them, your mate spewed his guts, that's hilarious

[93rollaracer]

Yea, looking back on it it was amazing and I couldn't have possibly thought of anything else that could have gone wrong except the car breaking down or us getting in a wreck. Fortunately neither happened.

[speediva]

Where was the show at in da Burgh?

Kings rocks... as long as you've grown up with the food. It's better than Perkins, IMHO.

Anyhoo, don't have a damn clue who any of those band are, but sounds like you had a fun time, or something like that.

[vairox]

devin was pretty good on that steve vai album (sex & religion)

[jon@af]

what the hell does TUH mean?

[MonsterBengt]

Originally Posted by J_Swigz

what the hell does TUH mean?

Duh?

[93rollaracer]

Ha...TUH stands for Trapped Under Hangnail

Reason being:
1) The band has a friend we call Hangnail and we decided he needed a band name after him because he's great at life (and by great I mean his rights to breath should have been revoked long ago).
2) We all have an undying love for Metallica so we started throwing Hangnail with every Metallica song we could think of. Some ideas were: The Four Hangnails, Hangnail Inc, Creeping Hangnail, Hangnail Militia. It came down to Trapped Under Hangnail and Hangnail Inc. and we went with Trapped Under Hangnail.

Since Trapped Under Hangnail is a mouthful, we shortened it to TUH and that's where we're at now.

[quteasabutton]

Originally Posted by Rally Sport 92

Haha, you know its been a long couple of hours when you get that quiet ride home.

I'll add you though.. just for the hell of it.

*cough cough* myspace whore...

[vairox]

Originally Posted by quteasabutten

*cough cough* myspace whore...

myspace is a chuck norris whore

[quteasabutton]

Originally Posted by vairox

myspace is a chuck norris whore

no...

[2.2 Straight six]

Originally Posted by vairox

myspace is a chuck norris whore

that makes no sense.

[vairox]

if you knew the chuck norris facts you would have gotten it.... i hate having to explain jokes.... ever have a kid ask you after you tell a joke "i don't get it, what do you mean?" you know that feeling of "is this guy serious? did it just go 50 feet over his head?" i feel that right now.

-dave knows what im talking about

[2.2 Straight six]

i know the chuck norris jokes. what you said makes no sense. your personification of myspace failed, trying to give it human qualities (being a whore) failed miserably. it made no sense.

don't assume in an idiot.