A short story of mine...quite long

[ThatRoundHeadedKid]

Ok guys, I've always been having some girl trouble, and I really never talked about it with anyone before until recently since the approaching of Valentines day. In our English class, we just read a book full of some short stories and out assignment was to make a short story of our own. So I decided to write a story that was based on a little issue I've been working on for a while, since the beginning of the school year. That's the best way I could really put that heh. It does coincide and reflect my true opinion about this girl and all, but keep in mind, I am in 10th grade and still do not have a car yet or even drive so, it is in some ways fictional. anyways, have fun. Please tell me what you guys think.

The bell rang to signify that Christmas vacation was over. Everyone was still casually making their way to class not even thinking the slightest bit that they were late. But it’s typical; this is a public high school. Tired and worn out from an exciting vacation, I sat there in the desk, just blankly staring at the whiteboard and realizing how tired I truly was. Mr. Russo sat in his desk, looking at some papers while everyone piled in for the usual AP Physics class, his grey thick hair bouncing to every movement of his head.
Staring away at whatever my eyes could see in front of me, I began drifting away into the events of the vacation, almost sort of a day dreaming state, yet I was only reviewing what had happened over the 13 day vacation. I could recall, sitting on the couch in my family room, where our ten-foot fake Christmas tree towered over our heads. I received gift certificates to Banana Republic, Borders and an American Express gift check; but one stood out the most. It was a box the size of an earring case and when I shook it, it felt heavy for the size of the package. I ripped it open and found a diamond-shaped piece of plastic with a three-inch piece of metal going out one end. I flipped it over and the small BMW emblem shined in the sun…
“Hey Rob,” my best friend called, a salutation that interrupted my daydream state.
“Hey Tom, how was break,” I asked, a little aggravated that he ruined my relaxed and daydream state.
Everyone piled in and all the desks filled as Mr. Russo still sat there casually rummaging through his papers on his desk. Looking around the old, red, black and white themed class room with posters relating to physics hanging on the wall, I saw everyone was just sitting there and finding something to do until Mr. Russo got the attention of the class. Tom was just sitting there, slumped in the desk, arms crossed. Typical as I thought, for he’s always tired and always up playing Counter-Strike at one in the morning. Jesse was sitting in the back joking with Colin; you could silently hear their giggling and movement from the back of the room. I looked to my three-quarter left and the rotation of my head just stopped. My time dimension seemed to slow down like in those movies with special effects, the Matrix to be one of them. All my focus had zoomed in on this one body; I had this tunnel vision, like what you get when you drive at high speeds in a car for a long time. Her light blonde hair falling softly down the back of her head, and her soft, pale-white skin was so vibrant despite the annoying fluorescent light bulbs overhead. Sarah, Sarah Linley was her name. I kept repeating it in my head, like it was the only words I knew of since kindergarten. I felt like I’ve never seen her before, yet I’ve known her for quite a while; or like I’ve never seen anyone so beautiful before, or maybe it was because never realized how beautiful she truly was…
“Mr. Lee!”
My tunnel vision disappeared, my time dimension caught back up and I turned my head to see Mr. Russo standing in the front of the classroom, ready to give one of his boring lectures on more thorough analysis of Newton’s laws and kinetic energy. It felt like years had passed before Mr. Russo called my name. I only felt like an idiot after because it had nearly gotten me in trouble, and my secret crush could have been revealed. But no, I was safe.

Lunch today wasn’t the greatest selection. It was pizza, which is usually very doughy; and macaroni and cheese. So I just settled for the chicken noodle soup. Standing in line, waiting to approach the drink fountains so I could fill my cup with iced tea, I watched all the hands on the counter, grabbing the last things that they needed before heading to the tables: all different sizes, some with their sleeves slightly draped over them, all different colors. But one of them had caught my attention. She was filling her cup with hot chocolate and her pearl white-like skin was an easy indicator of who it was: Sarah Linley. I followed that hand from under the hot chocolate machine to her in a black pea coat and jeans. She turned around and began heading to the tables. The time had seemed to slow again, like it did in AP Physics. I then felt my stomach began to twist…I was so nervous; it felt like something was fluttering really hard in my stomach. I began boggling in my mind on what to say…should I say this, or should I say that, or ask this. In what felt like an eternity, I saw her on the corner of my eye, getting closer and closer and I still hadn’t the slightest idea on what to say…
“Hey Sarah,” I blurted out, making eye contact.
“Hey,” she said walking by.
I reached for my iced tea and I thought: that’s all I said, why did I just only say “hey Sarah,” nothing more, nothing less? Why didn’t I say: “Hey Sarah, how was your break,” or “hey Sarah, where are you sitting? I want to come and sit with you;” anything more than just “hey Sarah.” I felt like a total idiot, like I had missed a really big opportunity; I felt like I had missed the opportunity of a lifetime. But then it struck me: look at where she’s sitting and just go and join her. I grabbed my iced tea and began heading to the tables. As I slowed up, I bounced a bit on my toes, searching the hundred somewhat heads and the circle tables. Just as easily as I recognized her hands, I saw her blonde hair and her pearl white skin combination. I survey the table, as it was full. Drat, I thought, so I looked around some more and saw Tom, who was sitting three tables closer, with Colin and Jesse and a few others opposing him and began heading that way.
“Hey Tom.”
“Hey Rob, how was your break?” And we digested all the events that happened over our vacation and what we had received for Christmas. As I told him that I had gotten a new BMW, he had gotten enough money to build his new computer. We further discussed the details, until I brought up Sarah.
“Hey, do you know Sarah Linley?”
“The one who went to the dance with Rickey before break? Yea, why?
“Well, I need to talk to you about that…” saying quite hesitantly, “I am kinda…well…I am really…I’m really in love with her.”
“Is that right?”
“Well yea, but I’m in a tough situation. I’m having trouble on how to tell her how I truly feel about her. I can’t find a way in telling her how I am so in love with her, how I think she’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen in my life, that I would almost do anything to sacrifice myself for her…I want [made my emphasis clear on this point], I want to sacrifice my time to be with her,” I said while watching him look at me, listening and studying to everything I say.
“Yea, I understand dude. I felt the same way I did about my girlfriend, Kim. There’s a couple of ways to look at this. One way is that if you walk up to her and be this direct towards her, you might scare her, or stun her to use a better word. You might also make her confused. So you may have try and be subtle.”
“But the way I see it, is if I’m too direct, I agree I might scare her. However, if I’m subtle, I don’t think she’d understand how I truly feel about her, only that I like her, not love her.”
“Why don’t you just try going up to her and talking to her for a bit? Ask her to lunch or something? Get to know her a little bit more and then eventually keep building it up, keep going up the ladder. Ask Megan if you need help, she’s been friends with Sarah since they were babies.”
“I don’t know, whenever I do hang out with her at lunch or where ever it is, or see her and walk with her to class, it always seems so brief and I get so nervous, that I totally lose my sense of humor and I can’t think of anything to talk about…It’s always on a small talk basis and is isn’t very connected, like the ‘hey Sarah…what’s up…cool,’” I said, taking sips of my iced tea. It isn’t that easy, it just isn’t.

You could tell the office needed to be redone. The carpet was still in good condition, yet it was the color of a 1970s brown and orange combination. The furniture was too from the 1970s: unusually shaped orange chairs, dark brown wood desks and one of those boring grey clocks that you see in almost every school and recognize where ever you go because you always stare at them, hoping time will speed up whenever in class. It read 3:30, as classes had been over for a good ten minutes.
“Mr. Martin will see you now Robert,” the secretary said holding the speaker of the phone receiver.
I walked around her desk and to the door, which said: Charles Martin, School Counselor. I opened the door to see him and his brown, curly hair facing his silver wide-screened Alienware Area 51 laptop. He was a rather young faculty member, just fresh out of college and very understanding of the students because of his age, which was a very good attribute. He swiveled around on his big black leather office chair and turned to me as I took a seat on another one of those unusually shaped orange chairs that were quite surprisingly comfortable.
“What’s up Rob, how can I help you?” He said behind his desk, leaning onto it from his big chair.
“Are you good with talk when it comes to girls?” I asked quite shyly.
“Haha,” he chuckled a little, “it’s been quite a while so I’ll try my best.”
And so I repeated everything that I said to Tom to Mr. Martin, who I hoped would give me better advice.
“Let’s take the instance when you saw her in the lunch line, I bet you kind of felt like an idiot when you were shy on saying hi?”
“Yea.”
“Well, you’re better off saying more than saying little to nothing at all right? I mean don’t you feel worse when you say so little or don’t say anything at all? I’m sure I would feel pretty cruddy if I did that.”
“But how can I help, when I try to talk with her that I get so nervous and can’t talk and am as boring as hell or, sometimes I just act really stupid?”
“That’s another story and that’s something you’re going to have to do on your own. You need to find that self-confidence within you, which will probably make things better. You need to stand up and over come that paranoia and fear of messing up, or ruining the whole thing, then try talking with her. The way you should look at it is: what have you really got to lose? It isn’t the end of the world if she says no when you ask her out, what’s the worst that can happen? In addition, you have four to five-hundred other fish to fry if Sarah doesn’t work out.”
I couldn’t help thinking how true it was, every bit of it. I wanted something to counter that so he can give me something better, but I couldn’t. What he was saying was all too right.
“How about that, does that sound good?” I nodded. “Alright Rob,” patting my shoulder, “is there anything else?”
“No that’s all, thanks Mr. Martin. See you tomorrow.”
I left the office disappointed, disappointed in a way, that it’s really hard and wish that there was a better remedy, better advice, but there wasn’t.

I had walked out the side entrance to the parking lot. I saw my BMW was the only car in the lot. I saw the big blue, black, and white emblem, which had always been the sign of BMW from when they used to make airplane engines. It made me smile; I moved my eyes slightly to the right on the trunk and read out loud: “850CSi,” which made me smile even more. I couldn’t help thinking that I had gotten my all-time favorite car in the world and it was BMW that nobody was really familiar with, a very reliable and affordable two door coupe, a high performance version, over its siblings. A GT car was what it was and ten years ago, brand new, it was as expensive as a Maserati Quattroporte. I hit unlock on the key fob and the car made two tweets and the lights illuminated. I jumped in, held the clutch and started the car, getting all excited about the sound of that big, heavy and powerful V12 up front. I shifted into first and came out of the parking lot, driving through the main front driveway. I looked to the right to see who was still here waiting for a ride…and my foot hit the brake. Still being in first gear, I forgot to hold the clutch and my car came to a jerking halt and all the glory of having my all-time favorite had disappeared. There she was, leaning on the rough brick of Saddle River High, backpack at her feet. This was a big moment, I thought, this could change everything that I questioned earlier today.
“Hey Sarah, need a lift?” I asked rolling my window down.
“Hey Rob, sure!” Those words had hit me like no other. It made the inside of my head jump because I was so surprised. I popped the trunk and she threw her bag inside and came around and jumped right in the passenger. I hit the gas, but nothing happened and the twisting in my stomach came again.
“What the hell?”
“The car isn’t on…” as she reminded me.
“Oh, right.” I held the clutch, reversed the key, but it wouldn’t budge. “What the hell?” I repeated. Then I saw her pearl white hand come towards me. I thought she was going to grab me, I thought this was going to be it, maybe she felt the same way as I did with her, maybe we were going to kiss…
“You’re still in first dummy…” she said smiling, gripping the shifter and moving it to the center for neutral.
“Oh, right.” And my thoughts were shattered. My head stopped jumping; my stomach loosened and wasn’t twisting as much. I felt like a total idiot again, I misinterpreted the situation. The only thing I was thankful for was that I didn’t show any expression of my thoughts.
I drove as she pointed her way through the streets, which was all that we said between each other. My stomach was twisting again; I was brain-dead on what to talk about. What should I say? Didn’t I ask her how her break was already? You could see that there was no connection, nothing, but the quiet rumble of the V12 and the light road and wind noise around us.
We pulled up at her house: a big, beige, stucco styled house that had a huge front window and two large, white pillars that held part of the roof that towered over the front door with a bunch of bare and dormant trees towering over. As she reached for the chrome door handle…
“Sarah…” I called out…but then again, I was brain dead again, my head was jumping more than ever and my stomach kept twisting and fluttering…What would she think? I don’t want to scare her, get her confused and everything else Tom had said to me…I stared into her eyes.
“Yea?” she asked, a bit perplexed.
“See you in AP Physics tomorrow,” I replied.
“Yup.”
She closed the door and opened the trunk and removed her backpack. I watched her stroll up her walkway to her front door, her beautiful pace and blonde hair swaying in the cold, winter air. My breathing was heavy, my head was head jumping wildly, heart was pounding, stomach twisting and fluttering. I felt like I could puke any minute, but nothing came. I briefly closed my eyes, took a deep breath and opened my eyes again, to see the glass door reflect the sky upon closing. I missed it again, my biggest chance. It was a twenty minute car ride alone, with my biggest crush ever. I could have taken a huge advantage over it, yet, I did not. I felt like that idiot again.
A week had passed since that whole ordeal in the car. I was sitting home alone, in front of my computer on AOL Instant Messenger, with the quiet whirr of my computer in the background. I was chatting with Megan, Sarah’s closest friend:
“RLeeBMW87: you’re big friends with sarah aren’t you?
LoveMegs21886: yea, why what’s up?”
And I told her everything I said to Mr. Martin and Tom…silence had taken over the instant message window for a good three minutes.
“LoveMegs21886: I hate to break it to you, and I’m not being mean or anything…but I don’t think you really stand a chance…
RLeeBMW87: Why is that?
LoveMegs21886: She’s may go out with Rickey Newman…sorry”
And my heart just broke; my hope had been smashed against the wall. I didn’t know what to say…what to do, what to think. There came that thought again…I’m the idiot…I had my biggest chance just about a week ago I missed it. I was just emotionless, yet I was full of regret and sorrow…I had destroyed it for myself…
I said goodbye to Meg and left a note on the counter to my parents, just incase they came home earlier than expected. I jumped into the BMW and headed toward the one place where I just lay and think: Edgewater Scenery Point, with the perfect panoramic view of downtown Manhattan. It was the perfect place to take Sarah if she was with me, the perfect time to cuddle up and relax with her…but of course, my passenger seat was empty. All that there was now, was me and the road.

[Muscletang]

That was a great story dude. You need to write a second part to it if you can because now I'm kind of curious.

Anyway, the characters were believable, well understood, and likeable. You worded things very well to where I could understand what the guy was thinking, how he felt, and say "yeah...I've been there."

As for the story, it flowed very well, and wasn't confusing at all. You kept things in a nice order and didn't really take the reader on a wild goose chase with a side story.

If I were grading this paper you'd get 100%.

[D[X]P]

nice story

[ThatRoundHeadedKid]

Originally Posted by Muscletang

That was a great story dude. You need to write a second part to it if you can because now I'm kind of curious.

Anyway, the characters were believable, well understood, and likeable. You worded things very well to where I could understand what the guy was thinking, how he felt, and say "yeah...I've been there."

As for the story, it flowed very well, and wasn't confusing at all. You kept things in a nice order and didn't really take the reader on a wild goose chase with a side story.

If I were grading this paper you'd get 100%.

Hehe, thanks dude. I don't think I'll be writing a second part just yet, because mostly based this on real occurences in my life, which is what I think made it better than all the other stories I've written. I think I may have slopped up the ending, because it was already 8 pages long, 1.5 spaced with no heading hehe.

[Muscletang]

Originally Posted by ThatRoundHeadedKid

Hehe, thanks dude. I don't think I'll be writing a second part just yet, because mostly based this on real occurences in my life

Well hurry up and ask that girl out, kiss her, and write a story about it and post it up on here.

[deadbolt_35]

Originally Posted by ThatRoundHeadedKid

I think I may have slopped up the ending, because it was already 8 pages long, 1.5 spaced with no heading hehe.

it's too bad you had to cut short the ending, but that's a good thing, in a way. it means the story was flowing well enough that you weren't ready to end it when you had to. good job. i enjoyed reading it.

Originally Posted by thatroundheadedkid

Hehe, thanks dude. I don't think I'll be writing a second part just yet, because mostly based this on real occurences in my life, which is what I think made it better than all the other stories I've written.

i guess it's true what they say then: the way to write well is to write what you know.
good choice of car, one of my personal favorites also...and i have a confession to make...i like doughy pizza...it's true.

[Jimster]

Cliff notes?

[nissan_240sx]

Nice story man

[ThatRoundHeadedKid]

Originally Posted by Jimster

Cliff notes?

Lazy Bum

[Hobbes]

Originally Posted by ThatRoundHeadedKid

A short story of mine...quite long

Doesn't that seem funny?

No, seriously, I like the story so far.

Oh God, just to even get a ride in an 850CSi...

[ThatRoundHeadedKid]

Originally Posted by Hobbes

Doesn't that seem funny?

No, seriously, I like the story so far.

Oh God, just to even get a ride in an 850CSi...

I know...it'as already orgasmic seeing one in person lol

[GForce957]

good story, fun to read, kept me interested. Get the rest up here!

[beef_bourito]

nice story, not a bad read. dude im going through about the same thing as you, except i talk to the girl alot. we've stayed up till like 3 or 4 in the morning talking, but im not sure she fees the same about me as i feel about her. too bad i won't have the summer to spend with her, damn koreans. oh well, good luck with the girl. i hop ill have better luck than you have had so far.

[zx2guy]

cudos man... it was rather long for my atention span. but oh well. once you write another chapter please do let us know. you actually write rather well for a 10th grader. ive certainly seen far worse. just add in a couple of explosions. and a mafia hit here and there and youll be fine <(kidding) good luck though with the girl too. we'll be rootin for you... then morn the loss of an af member cuz your ass wont be on here much after you get her.

[xavier3jr]

nice story dude