Need some help from you AF women here

[vinnym86]

well, guys pitch in a hand if you think you know what to do, too, but...

yeah, i've got a problem that i need some advise with. A really really close friend of mine is really depressed lately, she's been going out with all the wrong guys, and ending in very bad endings. I don't know why, she doesn't know why, but she can't help but fall for some of these kids. wheni say kids, i mean she's just turned 19, freshman in college, and she just broke up with this 15 year old kid still in high school.

I've been trying to get her to just vent, try and find out whats going on. tonite, she kinda broke loose for like a second, saying she's too depressed and doesn't know what to do anymore, she can't take getting close to people for one reason, and find out all along they have alterior motives. it's as vague as that. i'm guessing she means she gets to know guys, and all they think about is how to get into her pants?

I've been her friend for a while, since high school. only now, though, have we really been close friends, hanging out all the time and shit, but i really want to help her right now. as far as i can see, only motives i might have for her is to get her stoned one day

So i guess i'm just asking for advise on how to handle this situation. What do i talk about with her? like, how am i going to help this situation? what are some things that would make her feel better. i'm not exactly the best guy to come to for relationship advise, you know? reason i asked for a girls help is probably cuz you'd know whats going on in her head. anyway, thanks for any help.

[-Jayson-]

girls are crazy, but like she said, shes prolly suffering through depression, and depending how far into she is, depends on what you can do to help. If she has a very serious case of depression she might need to go see a psychiatrist. Get a prescription for Zantec or some other kinda of anti depressent.

I suffered a bout of depression once, its very hard to overcome. You feel as if life has no meaning and everyday is a struggle to find reasons to live. I used to fear getting in my car and driving it, because everytime i did the only thing i could think about was driving full speed into a wall and killing myself. One time i was driving day dreaming about killing myself in my car when i hit someone. I rear ended a lady, luckily there was no damage. But that was what i consider rock bottom, i actually started to cry. I feared i was really going to kill myself.

By a stroke of luck a little while later i met my current GF. Shes so wonderful and changed my life. She helped me out of my depression and let me enjoy my life again.

The best thing to do for her is be there for her. Try and do things with her that are fun and exciting. Do you have feelings for her? Maybe you could take her out on a date. Take it slow if you want to date her, or just show her a good time out. Dont let her sit alone and think about how much she hates her life. For me what really helped me out was having my GF there and finding something i could really enjoy in life.

Either way, dont make it obvious that you think she is depressed and needs help right off the bat. One thing about a depressed person is they dont want to share there feelings. Atleast not right away. Its an embarrasing thing, atleast it was for me. I didnt want to talk about, if someone asked me what was wrong id make up excuses like i was tired, change the subject, or act like nothing was wrong.

[vinnym86]

I don't think she's far into depression, yet. she's really confused as to whats going on in her life at the moment. I doubt she's having thoughts of self-inflicting injury (or at least I certainly hope not).

I know what it's like to overcome depression first had, as well. In fact, i was very much suicidal at one point in my life. I've since become a changed person entirely, with a whole new outlook on life. I can't say I'm a happy guy, but I'm certainly in a much more healthier state of mind. I thought maybe this would help me in talking to her, maybe i could guide her away from thinking those kind of thoughts or w/e if they came up. We'll see, i might get a chance tomorrow to talk to her again.

Do I like her? At one point, it crossed my mind to ask her out, but I've since then abandoned the idea. She's got a real addictive personality, so its great fun being around her, but i don't think I'd ever ask her out, its kind of a weird reasoning that went on in my head. She's a good friend.
I agree, though, she needs a good bf that wouldn't give her so much drama. I've been trying to tell her to get away from these high school boys. i know some of them, and they're alright kids, but they're much too immature. not just behavior-wise, but in all seriousness, they just haven't had much experience in life to know whats up. They'll take small situations and turn it into an episode of Dawson's Creek or the OC. too much drama and bullshit.

you're right, it is an embarrassing thing to share feelings like that, you gotta really trust the person and and be real close. I'm sure she's hesitant to share things like that to anyone, but i certainly hope she feels comfortable around me. i don't think I've ever done anything to make her think otherwise, like try and make a move on her or w/e.

thanks Jayson, i really appreciate the help

[imtheoneandonlyD]

Well if she is dating 15 yr old does she expect them to be mature? Obviously sex is the only thing on a 15 yr olds mind. Hell thats about all i thought about when i was that age. Try to get her to date guys more her age. You wont find many/if any mature guys in high school.

[vinnym86]

Originally Posted by imtheoneandonlyD

Well if she is dating 15 yr old does she expect them to be mature? Obviously sex is the only thing on a 15 yr olds mind. Hell thats about all i thought about when i was that age. Try to get her to date guys more her age. You wont find many/if any mature guys in high school.

thats what i keep telling her. thing is, when she dated an older guy a while back, she ended up being treated like shit, cheated on, etc, etc. I think she's just comforted to know she's the daddy in the relationship, lol. that, or she's been hanging out with too many high school kids is all.

These kids are like 15, 16 years old, younger than my little brother! I got to know them cuz they always come hang out with her, i end up being the one having to pick them up (as they're not old enough to drive yet.) One of these kids was her bf for a bit, i think like a year. Now that they've broken up, he's suddenly worlds biggest pussy and emo fag in the world. lets call him "joe" to try and make this sound clearer. kid is trying to do everything to get back with her. Joe's best friend, we'll call him "shmoe", ended up being the guy she vented about joe to cuz he was his friend. Shmoe came out and told her one day that he liked her, and i guess thats what she meant by being pissed off by people who try and help but really have underlying motives?

This is just some crazy shit. I hate stupid drama like this, its un necessary stress she shouldn't be dealing with. Anyway, I'm gonna try and tell her that kids who are 15/16 will "love" anyone with breasts that give them attention. Honestly, imo, she should just try and stay single for a while, have some fun, a couple of one night stands with her girlfriends out in the city, shit like that. just go enjoy freshman year of college, you know? its harder for her, though, cuz she commutes, lives with her parents, and they're nazi's trying to protect their daughter. oh well, i hope she can work something out.

[G-man422]

It sounds like YOU need to hook up w/ her, and help her out. you obviously care about her.

[vinnym86]

Originally Posted by G-man422

It sounds like YOU need to hook up w/ her, and help her out. you obviously care about her.

i'm a wierd guy, man. i seriously just want to see people around me happy, makes me happy. So obviously, i care enough to go out of my way to help close friends. I've got the typical stoner mentality, you know, anything that comes up with my life i just say "fuck it" and do w/e makes me happy. doesn't work for everyone obviously, so i try and help them get over whatever they're stressing about.
yeah, i care about her, but i'm not gonna hook up with her. like i said, she's a good friend. i don't want it to go past that.

[G-man422]

^OK, just thaught i'd throw it out there.

[quteasabutton]

i went thru this exact same situation for the last year, except with older guys instead of younger guys. i was depressed about breaking up with my longtime boyfriend, all my friends stopped speaking to me, my parents still to this day tell me they don't love me and want me to get the fuck out of their house. i became anorexic and rather depressed. try and help her to make sure that she doesn't have any problems at home or with other friends that have been bothering her. the reason i started hooking up with guys that were too old for me was because since my friends and parents didn't want me anymore i was looking for someone to pay attention to me and care about me. the only thing that saved me was my best friend wes, one of the only people who has loved me no matter what i did. he was the one i was dating, we helped each other thru it and even tho i slept with other guys, he still loved me. which is important for you to do with your friend, make sure she always knows that no matter what she tells you, you'll love her and care about her and just want to see her happy again. he finally made me realize what i had been doing wasn't hurting just myself, it was affecting him too because he cared about me. have you tried talking to her yet and straight up asking her "why are you going for guys way younger than you?" if she sleeps with them, is she kinky and just likes that she's probably taking their virginity? help her to see that what she's doing isn't the healthiest and safest choice for her and that you're concerned. NEVER be condescending or overly critical, but get the point across. maybe introduce her to some hotties that are closer to her age. keep being a loving, supportive friend and she should come around and wisen up. sorry to those of you who read this that it was so damn long.

[vinnym86]

i don't know why she's been with these kids for sure. She doesn't know for sure, she said. I think it really is some sort of lef-security kinda thing, that since their not older, they don't have control over her. I think her first bf back in high school was this one kid in my year at the time, a year older than her. He pretty much treated her like shit. Her parents, too, have her on a leash, and i don't know if any of you know what very traditional greek parents are like, but their fuckin nazi's. maybe she was just attracted to the fact that it's one thing that they can't control her?

i'm not gonna stop caring for anybody close, obviously. so yeah, if i know she's depressed, i'm gonna keep trying to make her happy, keep trying to give her helpful advise, shit like that. i just want to make sure i don't make it seem like she's feeling depressed all the time, (cuz she's not, like i said, she's real fun to be around, but theres just something that you can tell, u know?)
thanks for the help

Originally Posted by quteasabutten

sorry to those of you who read this that it was so damn long.

bet you couldn't write half the amount on shakespeare... if AF were your hw, you'd get straight A's

[WickedNYCowboy]

Everyone has pretty much taken the words out of my mouth. But, I will say as for those who have been there before so to speak as many of you know I was there at the rock bottom as well. I was doing really well till my horse who was my "right hand man" was put down. It sounds funny but I had him since right after my grandmother died and he got me threw a lot of stuff he was a real pal. Then my best friend he was an instructor at the barn left as I was getting better, and havent spoken to her since till yesterday. But yeah I am doing much much better then I was even just talking to her helped. But it seems like your doing everything you can without crossing that line, but personally it might be a good idea to cross that line if she gets worse. It's a different kind of love and way of caring that seems to heal a lot of people including myself. But I give two thumbs up and a round of beer for being one of the good guys.

[vinnym86]

well, she got back with her ex who is now 16. i tried to advise against it before, but if you see her, its like a weight was lifted from her mind. she's a lot happier now, if you ask me. So, that's what i was trying to do ne way, just get her back on her feet. i just hope everything works out ok, and she didnt make a bad choice. thanks for helping guys. evan, i'll take u up on that round of beer.

[WickedNYCowboy]

Originally Posted by vinnym86

well, she got back with her ex who is now 16. i tried to advise against it before, but if you see her, its like a weight was lifted from her mind. she's a lot happier now, if you ask me. So, that's what i was trying to do ne way, just get her back on her feet. i just hope everything works out ok, and she didnt make a bad choice. thanks for helping guys. evan, i'll take u up on that round of beer.

Not a problem Vinny. You'll have to wait till I am well for the round of beer. I am battling a bad chest and head colds. I already have a weak immune system from just getting rid of mono.