21 Ways To Be A Good Democrat

[Flatrater]

This is only for humor and not meant to rile up the dems. I'm sure a list like this is out there for the republicans.

1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand

2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make The Passion Of The Christ for financial gain only.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, Thomas Edison & A.G. Bell.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.

17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

18. You! have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal..

20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest of the United States.

21. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy.

[GTP Dad]

Let's hear it for right wing, conservative, republican values!!!! Good one Flatrater!!!!!!

[BNaylor]

I keep a copy of these "Talking Points" in my wallet.


The Official Guide to Being a Good Republican - The Talking Points

A BUZZFLASH READER COMMENTARY
by Jeff

1. Co-Opt God into absolutely everything you say and do. If people believe that God is on your side, then more likely they will support you. Also stress that Democrats do not believe in God, and if elected, they will try to ban God all together. Always remember to use God's name often. Example of how to deliver bad news to your constituents: "This legislation that cut millions of dollars from [insert social program here] was God's will!!" -- Smile often and make a "possessed" body movement so people will think that God is speaking through you, reaffirming the impression that you, and only your party, can do God's will.

2. Always stick to the "official" story. Independent statements and thoughts are what get people into trouble. If you don't know the official story, check with Newsmax, FOX, or the Washington Times for updates. Don't run your yap!! The truth may get out and we don't want to have to start explaining things!

3. George W. Bush has been and will be, America's ONLY president. Tell everyone you meet, and speak it as if it were told to you by God himself. If people start getting around to thinking that there could be a president other than George W. Bush . . . Well let's not think about that. Also remember to remind people that EVERYONE got to vote in Florida during the 2000 presidential election, and all of that stuff about Katherine Harris was made up by the liberal media. (See Below)

4. All media is liberal lies! Especially the New York Times, the Washington Post, and NBC. The only REAL news comes from FOX. Remember to pepper your comments with statements like, "Katie Couric wants everyone to wear a Mao Jacket!" or "Dan Rather is an atheist!" -- These are statements that cannot be proved or disproved; therefore no one can ever accuse you of lying. If you say them often, proudly, and as if God told you himself, people will believe you.

5. Michael Moore is the anti-Christ. In fact, the reason he always wears a baseball cap is to hide the three sixes on his head. Remember to tell everyone that Bowling for Columbine is a work of complete fiction and only won the Academy Award for Best Documentary because of the liberals in Hollywood. Also remember to remind people that Hillary Clinton is in cahoots with Michael Moore to make America a socialist country, and to take away your guns.

6. Hillary Clinton wants to take away your guns. Remind everyone that Bill and Hillary Clinton hate democracy, hate America, and hate your guns. That should be enough to convince whomever you are talking to that the Clintons really suck, and if you ever want to have a gun on you, whenever that mugging you are so worried about actually occurs, you had better hate the Clintons, too.

7. Clintons Part Two -- All Bill Clinton ever did was have sex, sex, and more sex. While it is partly true, don't let anyone try and slide things like "Balanced Budget" or "Eight years of peace and prosperity" by you. Tell people that it was the Republicans that kept terrorists in check by spending millions of dollars investigating sex, sex, and more sex.

8. Ann Coulter looks like the Virgin Mary. (Yes it is out there, but a few real dummies will buy it, and will start to look at Ann and imagine her as a brunette, and a few might actually believe you!). In fact, if you have a real sucker, tell them Ann Coulter IS the Virgin Mary!

9. September 11, 2001 was the fault of [insert Axis of Evil member state here]. Never concede that there is no evidence of a Saddam Hussein / Al-Qaeda connection, stick with the official story; (see number 2). Remind people that [insert enemy of the week here], hates America and wants to take your S.U.V. away from you. This works especially good on soccer moms and NASCAR dads.

10. Iraq is not a quagmire. If anyone tells you that Iraq is a quagmire, remind them of September 11, 2001 and the three thousand lives that were lost. If they resist and bring up evidence that Bush ignored the threats about terrorists using commercial jets to attack America, remind them of Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. NEVER, and we repeat, NEVER discuss, W.M.D.'s, The State of The Union, Landing on the Aircraft Carrier USS Abraham Lincoln and declaring an end to major combat operations in Iraq, Afghanistan, Oil, Halliburton, Enron and Ken Lay, Tax Cuts for the Wealthy, France, Russia, or Germany, The U.N., Valerie Plame, Record deficits, No Child Left Behind, Homeland Security, or The Boston Red Sox. Stick to Bill's sex life and you can't go wrong. Also, don't forget to tell them that God told you this himself.

A BUZZFLASH READER COMMENTARY

[lickem]

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.
AMen

FLatraters list is alot less sacastic then the second, but hey Sacrasm has got the dems where their at

[BNaylor]

Here are four more to add to the list making it 25 ways:

22. You have to believe that John Kerry’s Purple Hearts are legitimate, and that a Massachusetts Senator more liberal than Teddy Kennedy can be elected President of the United States.

23. You have to believe that the ACLU knows more about raising your children than you do.

24. You have to believe that signs that bear the statement, "In God We Trust" are offensive, but pornography is not.

25. You have to believe that offending a Muslim, Athiest or Homosexual is absolutely intolerable, but offending a Christian is o.k.

[RSX-S777]

Please. You only need 3 things to be a good Republican. A gun, a Bible and a GED (A higher level of education makes you a great Republican). IROC-Z, John Deere hat and fear of change optional.

[Flatrater]

RSX I have a degree and I am no a bible thumper.


Now can anyone dispute any of the 21 points listed? Or does anyone care to comment on hem.

[BNaylor]

Originally Posted by RSX-S777

Please. You only need 3 things to be a good Republican. A gun, a Bible and a GED (A higher level of education makes you a great Republican). IROC-Z, John Deere hat and fear of change optional.

Sounds quite stereotypical and sarcastic to me.

I guess any Republican with a college degree fits in the category of "Great Republican". I am still trying to figure out where the Demos fit in and what their message is.

Flatrater's listing sounds befitting to me.

BTW - The guy with the IROC-Z and John Deere hat sounds like one of my neighbors. However, he is neither Republican or Democrat. Maybe white trash?

[RSX-S777]

I wish to dispute #16. I find the woman unbearable. Thought her husband was great, however...

[thrasher]

Originally Posted by Flatrater

RSX I have a degree and I am no a bible thumper.


Now can anyone dispute any of the 21 points listed? Or does anyone care to comment on hem.

What's to dispute? It's a worthless pile of garbage with no basis in reality, quite obviously written by somebody who has VERY strong biases with the intent only to take cheap shots at Democrats. You state in your first post that it was meant to be funny...if that was true, it should have been posted in COT, not in the Politics forum where we actually debate things. Seems to me you kinda are just trying to rile up the democrats. Besides, I don't see in any way how it's funny. Not that I care about the politics of it, but it is WAY too subjective and opiniated to be seriosuly debated, and it's simply not funny.

[03cavPA]

I think it's all quite hilarious.

I agree with bnaylor. The IROC-Z and John Deere hat describe most of the populace around here. I'm not really sure how many of them even care how they vote (whenever they actually do), let alone which useless political party they "belong" to.

Both parties have had their share of time to run this country into the ground. They both suck. I've been registered independent for most of my voting life.

US political life is not about representing US citizens, hasn't been for quite some time. It's all about obtaining and keeping a political office for as long as possible. The people that pay to have you there are the REAL power in this country.

[KustmAce]

Oh heavens...lets over analyze a couple JOKES

for crying out loud...LAUGH! Thats what theyre for

[2strokebloke]

Actually, the proper list works for both parties, and contains only three rules:
1: Be ignorant.
2: Be arrogant.
3: Be blind.

[Flatrater]

Originally Posted by 2strokebloke

Actually, the proper list works for both parties, and contains only three rules:
1: Be ignorant.
2: Be arrogant.
3: Be blind.

Shouldn't number 4 be stay mute?

[Flatrater]

Originally Posted by RSX-S777

I wish to dispute #16. I find the woman unbearable.

Hey we agree on something!