Official Joke Thread

[OverBoardProject]

Message before the joke.

The moderators are being nice enough to keep this thread in the S10 forum, as long as we keep it clean.
I'm hoping that we can keep it limited to car related jokes only.
Please feel free to add any jokes that you want, just don't say anything that might offend anyone.
And please keep the comments down to a minimum. Don't be offended if the mods delete all additional comments, and non car related jokes. They are just trying to keep the forum organized
Just 1 more thing, if there is enough positive response they might just make this thread into a sticky.
Thanks for the consideration, and now for the jokes



A gynecologist was fed up with malpractice insurance, his women patients, and was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to look at his second love, automobiles, and to become a mechanic.



He found out from the local technical college what was involved, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently week after week, and learned all he could. When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks and completed the exam with tremendous skill.



When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there had been an error which needed adjusting."



The salty old auto tech instructor looked at him in awe and said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, that was worth 50% of the total mark. Then put the engine back together again perfectly, it started right up and it ran. I couldn't have done it any better myself. That was worth the other 50%.



I gave you the extra 50% because you did all of it through the muffler!"

[balls_to_the_wall]

I enjoyed that one!

[mike1224]

that would be a cool idea. so blazee, shortbus, BrianR. would that be acceptable?

[OverBoardProject]

A hip young man goes out and buys a 1997 Ferrari GTO . It is the best and most expensive car available in the world, costing about $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and while stopping for a red light, an old man on a moped (both looking about 90 years old) pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?"
The young man replies, "A 1997 Ferrari GTO. They cost about a half million dollars!"
"That's a lot of money," says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?"
"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude proudly.
The moped driver asks, "Can I take a look inside?"
"Sure," replies the owner. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right!" Just then the light changes so the guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 320 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoooossshhh! Something whips by him, going much faster!
"What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?!" the young man asks himself. Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. Whoooooosh! It goes by again, heading the opposite direction! And it almost looked like the old man on the moped!
"Couldn't be," thinks the guy. "How could a moped outrun a Ferrari?!" Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! Whooooosh Ka-BbblaMMM! It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end. The young man jumps out, and it IS the old man!!! Of course, the moped and the old man are hurting for certain. He runs up to the dying old man and says, "You're badly hurt! Is there anything I can do for you?" The old man moans and replies, "Yes, Unhook my suspenders from your side-view mirror!"

[OverBoardProject]

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the US auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four-wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find in 47 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh, Shi*!"
Only the states of South Carolina, West Virginia and Arkansas were different, where over 89.3 percent of the final words were: "Hold my beer and watch this!"

[OverBoardProject]

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, " So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".
Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this must be a sign from God!"
The woman continues, "and look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police.... "

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Women are clever, evil bitches. Don't mess with us!

[brandon200317]

Originally Posted by OverBoardProject

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, " So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".
Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this must be a sign from God!"
The woman continues, "and look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police.... "

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Women are clever, evil bitches. Don't mess with us!

so true so true..

[dmbrisket 51]

ill go for the sticky, when i soaber up ill post a few

[movin2stereo]

Funny stuff!

[Brian R.]

We'll see...

A sticky thread keeps one technical thread off the front page of thread listing. That's why I suggested minimizing the sticky threads in the Blazer forum. Threads on the second page get a lot less attention than those on the first page.

[Brian R.]

You can always post jokes and such in the OT thread in the Blazer forum. I think that is the general idea for that thread.

[Shortbus]

Seems harmless enough to me. If it gets out of hand then it will be locked.

[mike1224]

saw this on a website that I go to. Dumb people are cool, they make life interesting. http://www.stupidpeople.com/albums/album01/SnowCar.wmv

[mike1224]

heres a sobriety test for youall
http://www.stupidpeople.com/albums/a...brietyTest.wmv

[mike1224]

vehicle Security systems
http://www.stupidpeople.com/albums/a...1_high_1_1.wmv
http://www.stupidpeople.com/albums/a...3_high_2_1.wmv
http://www.stupidpeople.com/albums/a...4_high_1_1.wmv
http://www.stupidpeople.com/albums/a...eyEpidode2.wmv