Sex in the Dark

[dugie6551]

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.
Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.

She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit.

So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.

She looked down... and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure device... a vibrator!

Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.

She went completely ballistic.

"You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years?

"You better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:

"I'll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids."

[Rally Sport]

Thats funny. Would suck to be the husband

['97ventureowner]

Didn't see the ending to that coming.

[clawhammer]

The ending was unexpected.

[MonsterBengt]

good one

[SeXy_AnGeL]

my question is...how could she not realize that it was a vibrator...? Personally, I can tell the difference but hey, I havent been "tested" in a while so maybe I'm lacking something. but a good joke none the less

[Oz]

Doesn't the best sex use both at the same time, Kate?

[SeXy_AnGeL]

Originally Posted by Oz

Doesn't the best sex use both at the same time, Kate?

Being as how its been a long time since I've gotten any, I really wouldnt be the expert on that

[vinnym86]

wait for it.... someones gonna jump on it... wait for it....

Originally Posted by SeXy_AnGeL

Being as how its been a long time since I've gotten any, I really wouldnt be the expert on that

...i can change that.

[G-man422]

^^ Hi-oh!

[Shortbus]

Originally Posted by vinnym86

wait for it.... someones gonna jump on it... wait for it....



...i can change that.

Oh god the leg humping begins.

[Hybridology]

<INSERT CHEESY 70's PORN MUSIC HERE>

[Cyprus106]

Well, Kate... I just really WANT to comment on that, It's the perfect intro to all sorts of sexual comments... but I'm going to be the bigger man here and say nothing. Except that I could totally be on the next flight. DAMMIT! I just couldn't stop myself. lol

wait I can salvage this one... ok be on the next flight.... to take you to a wonderfully romantic dinner at the most expensive, classy place in town. I'll be picking you up by limo, Of course, I'll have a bottle of wonderful cabernet sauvignon, and a totally sweet gift (it's a real rose, dipped in 24 carat gold, with the leaves and pedals individually coated in glass and lined in gold. Very cool) At the restaurant, I'll wanna takl about you, and be genuinely interested in what you have to say, not just waiting for my turn to speak. I'll, of course, be elegant and know all the protocals for fine dining. I'll obviously be funny, witty, and charming (but just for the sake of honesty, that's probably mostly the jack and coke I had at the airport. And I brushed my teeth and used plenty of scope afterwards) I'll order exotic drinks that you've never heard of or had that taste like a thousand dollars, but only cost $20. Then afterwards, I'll take you to this secluded spot, down by a creek, far away from the city where the two of us can see the stars shining bright, and we can lay and watch the sky, listen to the water ripple gently, and be taken in by the raw, unchained nature. Then I might kiss you. But not without permission. And I give GREAT back massages.

Or if you don't like that sappy, romantic stuff, I've got a whole 'nother date I could think up.

rofl, all week I've taken things way further than i intended to.

[quteasabutton]

Originally Posted by Cyprus106

Well, Kate... I just really WANT to comment on that, It's the perfect intro to all sorts of sexual comments... but I'm going to be the bigger man here and say nothing. Except that I could totally be on the next flight. DAMMIT! I just couldn't stop myself. lol

wait I can salvage this one... ok be on the next flight.... to take you to a wonderfully romantic dinner at the most expensive, classy place in town. I'll be picking you up by limo, Of course, I'll have a bottle of wonderful cabernet sauvignon, and a totally sweet gift (it's a real rose, dipped in 24 carat gold, with the leaves and pedals individually coated in glass and lined in gold. Very cool) At the restaurant, I'll wanna takl about you, and be genuinely interested in what you have to say, not just waiting for my turn to speak. I'll, of course, be elegant and know all the protocals for fine dining. I'll obviously be funny, witty, and charming (but just for the sake of honesty, that's probably mostly the jack and coke I had at the airport. And I brushed my teeth and used plenty of scope afterwards) I'll order exotic drinks that you've never heard of or had that taste like a thousand dollars, but only cost $20. Then afterwards, I'll take you to this secluded spot, down by a creek, far away from the city where the two of us can see the stars shining bright, and we can lay and watch the sky, listen to the water ripple gently, and be taken in by the raw, unchained nature. Then I might kiss you. But not without permission. And I give GREAT back massages.

Or if you don't like that sappy, romantic stuff, I've got a whole 'nother date I could think up.

rofl, all week I've taken things way further than i intended to.

there you go again with those massages. hit on me in the other thread, her in this one. personally i won't believe those massages are as good as you say they are until i experience one myself.

[indyram]

Personally I'd just go for the "whole 'nother date" myself, but then again I'm with Kate on this one, it has been a while.