Several good reasons to THINK before you speak........

[goldz28]

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the te stimonials of a few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.


SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.! He asked if he could help me Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away .
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.


FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go to the potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident , and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. So, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled, "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a true story... We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weather man and asked "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

Now, didn't that feel good? Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh.

[Andydg]

Those were pretty damned good!!!

[Rally Sport]

I liked the first one, short but sweet.

[KatWoman097]

Too funny, yet so true (about thinking before speaking).

[highteknology]

i spit popcorn all over my screen readin the last one. that's hilairous.

[vinnym86]

niiice. lol.
there was a similar incident with a news reporter where she was talking about two jet pilots. the jets had a malfunction, and went down. "Luckily, both pilots ejaculated to safety"....

[RickwithaTbird]

Originally Posted by vinnym86

niiice. lol.
there was a similar incident with a news reporter where she was talking about two jet pilots. the jets had a malfunction, and went down. "Luckily, both pilots ejaculated to safety"....

LMAO...

"WE'RE GOIN DOWN!! QUICK, BUST A NUT BEFORE WE CRASH!!!"

[v10_viper]

Originally Posted by RickwithaTbird

LMAO...

"WE'RE GOIN DOWN!! QUICK, BUST A NUT BEFORE WE CRASH!!!"

HAHA Lmao...

[sameintheend01]

good stuff!

[imtheoneandonlyD]

i think ive heard them before but worth another read and still funny.

[MagicRat]

These stories are ancient!!!
But since I last saw them about 4 years ago, they are good for a laugh.
But IMO #5 is fake..............

[kicker1_solo]

oh god, that's great

[Muscletang]

Originally Posted by goldz28

"If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"

The silence was deafening...even the tellers stopped what they were doing.

I can just picture that scene in the bank.

[Schister66]

those are good ones!!

[GForce957]

very old, but funny